Lack Of Character
by Inflamed
Summary: Will Joanne's life threatening illness drive a wedge between Roy and Johnny? Or Johnny's Lack of Character make it easier?
1. Chapter 1

Lack Of Character

Worried

Roy sat across from his partner in the locker room; changed John went on another rant about being dumped by another woman. His partner was always being dumped and he could see why. He was an immature, egotistical self centered man whereas he had a wife and family to think about, plenty of responsibilities while his partner had few.

"Johnny," Roy looked at his half dressed partner.

"Like I was saying Roy…" Gage continued.

"Johnny!" DeSoto said a little more forcibly.

"Yeah Roy," a quizzical look on his face.

"Why don't you just shut up for once okay? I have a headache and you're making it worse. For once in your life just grow up, k. So she dumped you, get over yourself and move on," Roy shut his locker and headed towards the kitchen for some much needed coffee.

Johnny quietly changed, thankful he was alone in the locker room with his thoughts. So it had finally happened. Three and a half years he sighed heavily and headed to the bay not in the mood to talk to anyone.

As Cap made announcements, Gage didn't look at his partner but looked at his hands as joking and laughter filled the bay.

"Gage," Stanley looked at him.

"Huh yeah Cap"

"I'm letting you clean the dorms. You here?" Stanley looked at his distracted raven haired paramedic.

"Yeah Cap I'm here. Present and accounted for," he got off the running board of the engine and when dismissed quickly made his way to the dorm.

Before long tones sounded for the squad and the team headed out.

Roy stole glances at his silent partner, but right now, Joanne had found a lump on her breast and he couldn't handle John's rants anymore. His wife maybe be dying and his partner had little else to do but live a carefree life.

Gage was professional the rest of the shift, he sat in his locker shining his shoes knowing this day would come, only he hadn't hoped it wouldn't be so soon. He remembered when he joined the paramedic program.

"_Don't take this the wrong way," Jim said. "But I'll sure be glad when you have a new partner because then you can drive them crazy just like me."_

Yeah he was good at that. Driving his partner's crazy, just like the other stations he worked; eventually he transferred so now it had come. Sighing he knew he would have to look for paramedic openings, the one thing he found out he loved and acting more professional.

****

Driving home from his shift the raven haired paramedic knew he had missed the first few clues of the deteriorating friendship of his partner. The last few weeks, Roy had called him to cancel dinner saying it was a bad time. But what Roy didn't know is Johnny saw him talk to the Cap with a closed door. He remembered how it started the first time, the closed door and the guarded looks.

His next three days found Johnny in a deep, dark funk. Recalling the last two stations until what he thought was a home.

"Home," he snorted, "it's just a job, man. You're one of the best. You can transfer anywhere, cause no one would miss you. Hell, they'd throw a party to see you go, just like the last two stations."

****

Roy's three days found him taking his wife to the doctor for more tests and then to schedule a biopsy. A biopsy. Joanne had tried to uphold a strong front but he knew his wife to well. Inside she was crumbling, but he remained strong for her. It could be benign. It could be nothing, why worry until they knew something for sure. Roy prayed it wouldn't be cancer.

****

Johnny pretended nothing happened when he returned to shift. He laughed and joked just like he always did but quickly checked the bulletin board for openings. Roy treated him civilly which he was thankful for. It wasn't until they went to Rampart when he noticed how bad it had gotten.

He had ridden in with the patient and once released he saw Roy and Dixie whispering together as he started walking toward them, they stopped and acted if there was nothing wrong. Gage was certain they were talking about him, just like at 10 when he was thinking of becoming a paramedic. Dixie knew where a lot of skeletons were buried and he knew she probably had something on him.

"Hey Dix," John smiled, "how are things?"

"Can't complain," Dix cleared her throat and looked at his very serious partner.

"Good. Good, me either. Well shall we partner?" John looked at Roy and then at Dixie.

"Yeah, sure talk to you later," Roy waved as they made their way out of the ER.

Gage would never press Roy but somehow he knew something bad had happened and he might have been the cause of it.

"Hey Roy about last shift I'm really sorry if I upset you and all. You know me and…"

DeSoto glared at him. "It's okay Johnny really. Can we go back to work now?"

"Uh yeah sure," John looked out the window of the squad as they headed back to base.

For the next month, Johnny thought things had settled down, but Roy seemed lost in a world of his own. He knew it was useless to ask because Roy would never tell him. It seemed every day off his partner returned in a worse state. He could see he had gotten little sleep and his nerves were on edge. Even on calls Roy's patience was wearing thin and it was left to him to calm patients.

John was picking up one of the new nurses for a date at Rampart when Dixie motioned him over.

"Hey Dix. What's up?" John smiled feeling her tenseness.

"Johnny do you have a minute?" Dixie crossed her arms.

Looking at his watch, John nodded. "Yeah sure." He clenched his jaw.

"Let's go into Kell's office." Dix walked slowly to the end of the hall and the paramedic reluctantly followed.

Once in the office Dixie leaned on the desk and John sat on a chair.

"Johnny I know Roy would kill me for this but you have to know," Dix choked back some tears.

At that moment, Johnny wanted nothing more than to run from Brackett's office, his jaw clenched tighter he clamped his hands on the arm of the chair.

"Joanne…Joanne has breast cancer. Roy didn't want anyone to know just yet and since you're his partner I thought you might be able to help him over the rough spots," she reached out to his hands.

Johnny stood up running his hands through his hair. "Cancer are you sure? I mean it…it's not a mistake."

The nurse shook her head. "No they ran several tests. Joanne had a biopsy and their talking treatment options now."

Gage's mouth stood open.

"I'm sorry about the whispering Johnny but Roy wanted to keep it a secret. Johnny?" Dix shook him.

"It's okay Dixie really. Uh, thanks for telling me. I mean it," John walked out of the office all the more determined to pull the impossible in the next three day layover.

Cutting his date short, Gage went home to make a few phone calls.

*****

The next day found him at Phil Nolan's house. Waving as he came up the driveway he found his friend working on his car.

"Hey man you still trying to fix this thing?" Johnny kicked the tires. "It is a beauty thou." The paramedic eyed the fire engine red corvette. _Another thing they have in common._

"So pally still looking for a change?" the dark haired paramedic stuck in hands in his pockets.

"Sure, why?" Phil looked up from the image.

"Man have I got an opportunity for you!" Johnny smiled his best smile.

"Well then let me buy you a beer then," Phil closed the hood. "Trudi and Christine are visiting her sisters."

Shaking hands as he left all Johnny had to do was fill out paperwork. He drove out of the driveway, going home but found himself driving to a familiar place. He was there by late afternoon and pulled into the cemetery driveway, up the familiar road and stopped. Somehow along the way he had picked up some flowers, mums, his mother's favorite.

Sighing he got out of the car and went to his parent's graves. Placing the flowers he found himself kneeling down.

"I'm sorry Mom, I'm real sorry." A few tears trickled down his face and he knelt there until it was dark. Standing up stiffly he headed to his car and his new future, he hoped.


	2. Chapter 2

LOC2

Circling the Wagons

Roy looked at his beautiful wife sleeping. She would need rest, care and all the love and strength he could give her. It was up to him to help his wife to love and protect her just like the vows they had taken years ago. Nothing else mattered but his precious family and no one was going to intrude and make it difficult.

The last three days had been hard. Joanne had tried to keep a good face for the kids, but she had been worried.

"Honey, it's going to be all right," Roy smiled as he snuggled up to his wife. "You heard the doctors we caught in time. You have a chance a good chance."

She held tightly onto him. "I know Roy but I'm scared. What would you do without me and the kids? I don't know if I can do this." Tears streamed down her exhausted face.

"You don't have to do it alone Joanne. I'm going to be here every step of the way. Cap knows and will make the arrangements for anything I need. You hear that Joanne. God, I love you so much." His tears joined hers as they fell into an exhausted sleep.

****

John wasn't quite ready to give up yet. He would change his approach and hopefully break his partner's tough exterior.

"Morning Roy," John grinned seeing Roy change without a word.

DeSoto's locker shut and then he was gone. Changing himself he would give Roy some more time, just a little more time. After assignments John went to check out the supplies for the squad only to have Roy guarding the drug box.

"Hey partner," the paramedic kneeled down next to Roy and the drug box. He gave a gentle smile and waited.

"So tell me Johnny what great tragedy happened to you this time? Hang nail? Too long of a red light perhaps," the brunette didn't look up once.

Gage tried to keep his emotions in check with the digs from his partner.

"Look Roy I just want to help you know." Johnny tried slowly, "I mean that what friends are for you know."

Roy looked up and glared at him. "Friends? Look Johnny how many times do I have to tell you I don't want or need your help."

Johnny sighed. Tones sounded and they were off to their first call of the day. It was a long hard case involving a possible heart attack. They had to defib him three times before they got a conversation. Gage noticed the pain and fear etched on his partner's face.

"I'll go in with him," DeSoto announced almost pushing John out of the way.

"Sure Roy," Gage was stunned and gave him the gear. Tapping twice he watched the ambulance pull away. Getting in the squad he didn't get very far when the ambulance stopped.

The dark haired paramedic opened the doors to see desperation on his partner's face as he did CPR and applied the necessary medications as directed by Rampart.

"BREATH DAMMITT!" Roy screamed as he gave the patient compressions.

"Here Roy let me help," Gage tried to work his way into the ambulance.

"WHAT SO YOU CAN SCREW IT UP! YOU WANT TO HELP STAY ON THE HORN WITH RAMPART!" Roy's sweaty face and eyes glared at him.

Johnny nodded and did as he was told. They got the patient stabilized and Gage returned to the squad to see the ambulance head off to the hospital. Running his hand through his hair he noticed the shocked expression from the ambulance attendant. It was not going to be a good shift. They had lost the patient and Roy refused to talk to him. Glaring anytime Gage opened his mouth, he was forced to shut it.

The rest of the shift, John made sure to stay out of his partner's way. The only time they talked was on calls. Stanley watched the non interaction of his paramedic team. Johnny had stopped talking and disappeared somewhere on the property. Roy was found on the couch with the dog and the newspaper and the rest of the crew sat around the table.

Chet had a worried expression on his face, his chair scraped the floor and he headed outside. He found John leaning on his car staring out into space.

"Hey Johnny. Man what is it with you?" Kelly looked at his pigeon.

"Me, man why is it always me," Johnny glared at him. "Well this time it's not me, man. IT's." John's chin hit his chest. "Just leave me alone Chet, okay."

It had been a slow day and the dark haired paramedic was glad of it. However, the engine was busy leaving Roy and John alone at the station. Going to get coffee, Gage felt the piercing gaze of his partner and anger. Turning around Roy appeared to be totally engrossed in the paper.

"Look Roy I know I'm not the most subtle person in the world and…"

Roy snorted. "Really Johnny now when did you figure that one out?" DeSoto returned to his paper, rattling it as he went back to reading.

"Okay Pally just what the hell did I do to you?" John walked over to his partner.

Shuffling the paper, Roy put it on his lap. "Johnny, you don't listen. I'm telling you to leave me the hell alone and you just won't listen. Hell Johnny you never listen."

"Man, I want to help. Can you at least let me do that, for whatever has got you bugged. I can tell Roy. I know it's something big because of the way you're acting and all I want to do is help." The dark haired paramedic pleaded. He knelt down trying to get his partner's attention.

"You're not listening Gage, just leave me and my family alone k. Can you do that one little thing?" Roy went back to his newspaper and John went back for more coffee.

*****

Roy was exhausted as he went through the door of home. Gage wasn't helping with his attitude. He need a less taxing coworker someone who was normal. Seemed he worked with extremes, Brice the perfect paramedic and Gage the crazy nut, couldn't he have a nice normal guy like himself for a partner.

Kissing and hugging his wife, they both took a nap together. Roy was making lunch when he saw a familiar car pull up. Stalking out of the kitchen he met his partner on his lawn.

"What are you doing here?" DeSoto demanded.

"Man Roy it's not like I haven't done it before," Johnny smiled hoping this approach would work.

"Yeah only when you're invited and you weren't. So I suggest you leave, now." Roy stood, hands on hips and glared at his partner.

Gage took a few steps only to be stopped by Roy.

"Gage didn't you hear me leave. Don't show up again until you call." Roy's blue eyes blazed at his partner's defiance.

"Look Roy, don't do this man. I'm trying to help in any way I can," pointing to himself. "I know something's wrong, terribly wrong. Please let me help."

DeSoto's children rode up with their bikes and headed towards Gage.

"Leave now and I see you next shift," Roy jaw was set, his blue eyes squinted.

In the background, Johnny saw Joanne with the front door barely open. He saw the kids ride up with their bikes and quickly ushered into the house. Biting his lower lip, the paramedic knew he had lost. Turning around he climbed into his Rover, turned up the radio as Styx blasted as he drove down the street.

Roy watched as the Rover disappeared and went back into the house. Joanne looked at her husband.

"Roy, honey, what was that all about?" She held Roy's hand. "Johnny always comes over and…"

"Not anymore he won't. All Gage does is cause more trouble Joanne. More work for you and me and…anyway I'll let him know next shift. He won't be bothering us ever again," Roy said with finality, wondering how he would get through this with Gage on his back.

****

Johnny cursed himself on the way home.

"Way to go Gage, can't you just settle down. Just leave Roy alone. He'll tell you when he's ready and not before," Gage banged his hands on the steering wheel and vowed to be calmer next shift.

***

Johnny changed his tactics over the next three shifts. He didn't bother Roy and Roy didn't bother him. Gage found himself hanging around Marco and Chet and found Roy on the couch reading the paper only he knew he wasn't. The newspaper was Roy's way of hiding out in plain sight or reading. The brunette haired paramedic knew no one would bother him.

The only time he talked to Roy was on calls; the cab was silent except for calls through the radio. John stole glances at his partner and fought hard for the silence. Even at the station, John felt frustrated. He knew Roy had told the captain, Stanley had told him as much when he had told him to hold off on his transfer for a month. He could see his captain dying to tell him but couldn't and John knew he wouldn't.

Stanley had assigned him the dorm room and he went sullenly to clean it. The linens were easy and he knew Roy waited for him in the dayroom. Looking at the floor he realized it needed cleaning, there were scuff marks along with dirt and soot. Taking the broom, he made short work of the floor and then got the mop and bucket. Taking his time he had mopped the floor, then became dusting the brick dividers only to find his once clean floor dirty. Again he took a broom to it and then mopped and finally waxed the floor in his stocking feet.

Satisfied with the floor he noticed the dirty windows and wondered the last time they had been cleaned. Getting out a bucket and cloth he went about cleaning the windows, he was on the third one when Stanley came into the room.

"John what the hell are you doing?" his hands were on his lips and shock was in his eyes.

"Huh," Gage snickered. "Cleaning the dorm Cap."

"Cleaning. We were supposed to go over that new building an hour ago. Stop what you're doing and get your butt in the day room." Stanley ordered.

"Huh, sure Cap," dropping the cloth in the bucket, Gage followed his captain into the dayroom, dumped the dirty water in the sink and rinsed out the cloth, then sat down next to Chet while Stanley went over the review.

The rest of the day was slow and Johnny found himself out by his car. He had thought for sure he had been Roy's best friend and buddy, but now he had serious doubts. How many times had he been to his partner's house and seen his kids and helped the 'honey do' list. It had been different then with his other rescue or shift mates. Roy had been the first one to really welcome him as a paramedic.

Shaking his head he knew it was being a paramedic. Something so new, wonderful and terrifying at the same moment. Honeymoon, that's all it had been, the day to day grind had shaken what little friendship they had to the basics. Gage started to get a headache as he heard the engine pull in.

Feeling uneasy and uncertain the dark haired paramedic went into the dayroom. He found Chet, Marco and Mike talking quietly; no doubt cap was in his office.

"Hey Johnny," Chet smiled and played with his moustache. "Having a slow day there?"

"Yeah Chet a damn slow day," he poured a cup of coffee and sat down. He looked at his hands and then at Chet. John had called the DeSoto residence a dozen times trying to get permission to come over, leaving messages he hadn't received any returned calls.

"You know Chet…"

The tones sounded and the station was off to a structure fire. Both he and Roy pulled hose and there was no conversation other than orders issued.

For once Johnny welcomed the hot flames, water and all that went with it. He had too long a time to think, evaluate and think again of the situation with his partner. The dark haired paramedic had been down that road too many times to think. Being a paramedic was everything to him and with or without Roy as a partner he would make it. He was one of the best only it seemed a cold comfort when his friend was in pain.

*****

Roy was glad to be home and not. He had conflicting feelings, when he was at work he wanted to be home and when he was home he wanted to be at work. Joanne and the kinds seem to get into a routine with her chemo and life seemed to slow down.

The paramedic savored every moment, every minute, and every second with his wife and family. They had shut the rest of the world out and it was only them. When Chris wanted to toss the ball it wasn't a bother or if Jessica wanted a tea party he was there.

Doing all the housework broke up his constant thoughts and worries, thankful for the mindless tasks and his heavy heart.

****

The next three shifts went the same way as Johnny had to drag himself to work. IT had been a bad run involving a child and a careless parent. Halfway back to the station, Gage forgot himself.

"Can you believe Roy? How can you do that to your kid? How can you forget you have your kid in the car in this heat? I just don't understand it. Why can't we have people who care about their kids? Hell or even themselves and all the stupid, idiotic people we have to rescue from them. Tell me Roy how…" Johnny stopped and then saw the look on his partner's face and regretted every single word out of his mouth.

"You know what I want Johnny? I want a nice normal partner. You know the kind that doesn't make every little thing about him. Yeah, we get enough drama on the job but my partner makes it worse. I hate to break it to you Johnny but the world does not revolve around you. Why I picked you for my partner I'll never know. I mean to tell you the truth Johnny, all you got going for you is you're a damn good paramedic. The rest of your life not so much," Roy sighed and shook his head.

Gage opened his mouth and then shut it tight, his jaws clenched along with his hands.

"Your life is a disaster area John. You date the wrong kind of woman and believe me you've told me all about them. The rest of your life is disaster waiting to happen. Your finances are in disarray, why else would you have to work OT. Along with your carelessness in your job where you get hurt when no one else does," Roy took another breath, his blue eyes blazing and his hands were in constant motion. However his voice wasn't raised as each statement made Gage's heart ache. "You are a self absorbed, egotistical, spoiled man-child."

Johnny looked at the squad's dash.

"So I know I'll never get a decent partner. My lot in life is to suffer with you. Cause you dazzled me with your brilliance in training and to this day you baffle with your so called life. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve you and I hope someday I can figure that out. I'm hungry," DeSoto slammed the squad door and the dark haired paramedic sat there in the cab.

Stunned, Gage sat there for a few minutes and collected himself. He closed the cab door slowly and made his way to the dorms. Reaching the phone he dialed a number, resting his elbows on the desk.

"Hey Phil," Johnny whispered. "Glad it was you who answered the phone," Gage rubbed his fingers across his forehead, "Um, it's going down tomorrow right before shift change. Better give your captain the heads up. Man I really appreciate this, you won't regret it," Gage closed his eyes while still rubbing his forehead. "Thanks again man." He hung up the phone.

"Hey Johnny," Chet's voice broke the silence in the dorm room. "Um, Cap said come to eat dinner. Hey Mike made spaghetti, it's your favorite."

The reflective paramedic stood up and walked with Chet across the bay into the day room. It would have to be Stoker's spaghetti, the spaghetti where his soon to be former partner got upset because he tried to be helpful. Only he had made things worse but eventually everything worked out, only this time it wouldn't be so.

Unfortunately the only seat left was next to Roy, clearing his throat he sat down and plied his plate full hoping if he kept his mouth full of food he couldn't talk. Eating garlic bread, salad and spaghetti until he was bursting, the engine toned out and DeSoto was once again on the couch with Henry and watching TV.

Clearing the table, John again found himself cleaning as a release. What he had done to the dorm room, he barely noticed as the engine crew came back and took the chairs he had put on the table to watch the tube. He mopped and waxed the floor and started cleaning the stove. So intent on his work he didn't notice the TV was off and his shift mates had turned in.

Sighing he turned to the oven, it too was in need of a through cleaning and Gage was too tired to sleep. Putting gloves on he took the pad, sprayed cleaner on the oven and waited for the cleaner to work. His thoughts drifted back to his first encounter with Roy DeSoto and why he should sign up for paramedic training in the first place.

Gage continued cleaning until he was exhausted. The quietness of the station was comforting and knew he would be leaving in the morning. Taking a chair, he sat down at the table, put his elbows on the table and rested his weary chin on them.

****

It was few minutes before shift change, Gage slowly made his way to Stanley as the rest of C shift came in.

"Hey Cap could I see you for a few minutes?" Johnny was downcast and regretting the inevitable.

"Sure Pal follow me," Stanley watched as the rest of his crew filed out as he had released them.

Johnny closed the door and sat on the desk. Stanley pulled out the transfer form.

"So you're transferring?" Stanley said sadly, wishing he could break his confidence with DeSoto.

"Um, yeah Cap I am. I tried I really tried but…it's for the best," Johnny looked down at his clasped hands. "It was an honor and a privilege working with you Cap." Gage stood up and shook his superior's hand.

"Same here John and you know if you want to talk about anything and…" Stanley signed the form.

"Yeah your door is always open. Oh and you'll like my replacement he'll fit in with everyone. He's a real good guy and not high stung like me," Johnny grinned.

"So you thought of everything pal?" Stanley stood up as they walked to the locker room and found both the engine and squad gone.

"Yeah Cap everything," the dark haired paramedic opened his locker.

"Do you need any help?" Stanley noticed the empty locker.

"Nope just uniforms. I've been cleaning out my locker. You never realize how much crap you can accumulate in three years huh." Johnny sighed as he took his uniforms out.

"John," Hank sighed.

"Hey it happens, guys transferred, get promoted and part of being in the service you know," Johnny grinned.

Gage and Stanley walked back to station. John placed his uniforms in the back of his Rover and they stood and looked at the station together.

"John," Stanley offered his hand.

Johnny took it and shook it hard. "Thanks again for everything Cap. I know I could be a pain in the butt lots of times."

"You made things interesting John. Good luck." Stanley smiled.

"Thanks Cap," Gage climbed into his Rover, waved and drove out of the station. Stooping at the street, he gave one long loving look at the station and headed for home.

*******

Roy looked at his exhausted wife as she rested in the passenger seat of the car. Her first chemo treatment had been the worst. He was allowed to sit with her as the powerful drugs were pumped into her body to fight the cancer.

Pulling up the driveway DeSoto wanted to get his wife to bed and to relax.

"Honey, look," Joanne pointed to brown paper sacks on their porch.

Joanne leaned on Roy as they went to the front steps, opening the bags he found the food still cold and took the two bags into the house. Setting them on the dining room table. He helped his wife to the couch and then took out the items in the bags.

Roy pulled out steaks, pot roasts, pork chops, a six pack of his favorite beer and then fruits and vegetables shaking his head it what was on the list to build back his wife's blood count. But what surprised him most was plain white envelope with fifty dollars in it. There wasn't a note or any clue to their mysterious benefactor. Putting the groceries away he helped his wife to bed, sitting on a chair next to the bed he pondered the timely gift of groceries.

The kids came home and went to their room. Roy was tired and in no mood to cook even with their new bounty of food. Chris, 10 and Jessica, 5 were sitting watching TV when the door bell rang. Chris got up to answer the door, Roy just too tired.

"Hey Dad, the pizza guy is here," the boy stated.

"Pizza?" Roy stood up wondering who had decided to play a joke on him.

"Hey, I didn't order any pizza," Roy stood his hands on his hips.

Cracking his gum, the teenager looked at him. "Mister its all ready been paid for. You wanta it or not."

"Paid for? What kind?" the father was now getting intrigued.

"Let's see. One caveman special and one Hawaiian pizza."

"I'll talk them, wait let me get you a tip," Roy reached into his pocket.

"All ready got at tip man. Have a good night," the guy disappeared into the night.

"Roy," Joanne came into the living room. "Pizza? How did you know? Let's eat."

"YEAH!" the kids screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

LOC3

Finding New Friends

Roy was tired as he changed for shift. Joanne had a bad bout of nausea and he hadn't gotten to sleep until three. Getting the kids to school and then coming to work he dreaded what the next shift would bring.

Walking into the bay he found a new face and Cap standing solemnly for roll call.

"Okay guys I'd like to introduce Roy's new partner, Phil Nolan," Hank pointed to Phil. He stood about 6 feet, wavy brown hair, brown eyes, moustache and lanky.

"Hey guys," Phil waved, "glad to be here."

"Um, Cap," Chet cleared his thoart. "Um is Johnny sick or something?" Kelly looked at the newest member of his shift.

Stanley looked at his confused man, Gage and Kelly certainly made an odd pair and maybe John hadn't had a chance to tell Chet.

"Ah, Chet, Gage transferred. That's why Roy has a new permanent partner." Stanley watched the reactions from his crew, but seeing the toothy grin on Roy made him uneasy and concerned for some reason.

"Transferred?" Marco looked shocked. "Did he say where Cap?" Lopez needed to speak to Gage and see if he could help.

"No, Marco. Now if you gentlemen are done with personal business lets get down to station business.

"Chet and Marco, hoses. Phil, dorms, Roy will cook and Mike we need to update the log book since I'm swamped with paperwork again, oh and everyone can clean the day room," Stanley turned and headed towards the office.

Chet and Marco whispered as they headed towards the hose tower and Mike headed towards the day room. Leaving the paramedics in the bay, alone.

"Well welcome aboard, Phil," DeSoto shook his new partner's hand vigorously.

"Well thanks Roy," Phil grinned back.

"Let's go over the squad," DeSoto quickly opened the bays and started pulling out the equipment, "after this we'll check the biophone before we go into service."

"Yeah sure," they were kneeling over the drug box. "You know Roy you and Gage had quite a reputation being the first you know." Nolan said casually.

"Look Phil, you look like a nice guy and all," DeSoto stood up and so did Nolan. "Let's get one thing straight. I can talk to anyone about anything but don't talk to me about Gage, k." DeSoto's hands were on his hips. "I used to think Gage was a standup guy you know. But who transfers without telling his soon to be former partner, huh? Like he couldn't tell me last shift or even phone me. So Phil do us both a favor and don't ever talk about Gage again."

"Sure Roy no problem. But it looks like we need supplies. Last shift was pretty busy," Nolan shut the drug box and shoved it back in the compartment.

"I think you're right. Where did you transfer out of again?" Roy closed the doors.

"Um, I didn't but 16's. I know Rampart very well only…"

"Yeah bout time they learned about my new great partner, right partner," Roy patted Nolan on the shoulders.

"Sure. Sure. Um, who drives?" Phil ran his hand over his moustache.

"Well I normally do but I think I can trust you to drive once you get familiar with the territory," DeSoto winked. The brunette walked to the cap's office. "Uh Cap we're going to Rampart for supplies and introduce my new partner."

"Okay," Stanley looked into the bay. "Be sure to by groceries on the way back. I have a feeling we might be busy. So make it simple pal."

"Sure Cap, simple's my middle name," Roy climbed into the driver's seat and Nolan in the passenger seat.

The HT sat in the middle of the seat and they started the drive to Rampart.

"So tell me about yourself Phil. I mean if you don't mind, you don't have too. Me," Roy pointed to himself. "I don't have to know your live story and you seem like a real nice guy. Uncomplicated."

"Hey no problem Roy. I'm married, have a kid, a three year old and been a paramedic for the last two years. Pretty basic you know," Nolan made mental notes of streets and intersections as they headed towards Rampart.

"Yeah, you sound pretty basic. Me, have a wife, two kids and well you know how long I've been a paramedic," Roy shook his head. "Didn't know I had a reputation."

"Well don't let it go to your head," Nolan laughed.

Once at Rampart, introductions were made and the paramedics left.

"So Johnny transferred?" Morton had gathered at Dixie's station. "That doesn't seem like a Gage move."

"And why not?" Dix looked at the intern.

"I don't know. Look Dixie I know John and I didn't get along but …I don't know it just doesn't seem like a thing he would do seeing how close he and DeSoto are." Morton shook his head as he headed towards a treatment room.

"What was that all about?" Dr. Early looked at the frowning nurse.

"Oh," Dixie sighed. "He didn't think it was Gage like to transfer." McCall looked at the chart and the conversation she had with the paramedic a month ago.

"Well I concur," Early looked at the base station. "Gage was many things but I dunno DeSoto and Gage were quite a team, invincible."

"**Dr. Early to treatment room two."**

"Well got to earn my pay. See you later," the silver haired man waved and headed towards the treatment room.

Brackett headed to the base station and took care of a squad's call, all the time looking at his frowning head nurse.

"Something wrong Dix," Brown eyes met blue.

"No, it's just. Why the hell did Johnny transferred? He should have talked to me first," McCall threw her pen down.

"And why would it involve you Dixie? Unless there is something I should know about," the dark haired doctor crossed his arms.

"No, nothing Kel, nothing at all," Dixie went back to her work as Brackett shook his head going back to his office.

****

Chet was bouncing the basketball while Marco leaned against the hose tower.

"Man I just don't get it," Kelly bounced the ball harder.

"Get what Chet?" Marco looked at his friend.

"Why Johnny transferred without telling us, that's just not him you know. Hell Johnny tells everyone his business," Kelly threw a basket and watched as the ball came back.

"He musta had his reasons Chet. Maybe he got tired of the phantom," Lopez shrugged, smiled and played with the end of his moustache.

"Naw that's not it Marco. The phantom and pigeon had an understanding, you know. Man is it going to be dull around here now with Johnny gone," Chet set the basketball down and headed back into the dayroom.

"You got that right," Marco sighed and followed Chet inside.

****

Roy's drive home couldn't be fast enough. His new partner was great. The man didn't rant, rave or anything. Every run was pretty good. Nolan knew his business and wasn't a slacker. Waves and waves of tension seemed to roll off him during the shift.

He found Joanne asleep, quickly stripped and climbed into bed with her. Life was getting better and better, and so far he hadn't needed to call Jo's mother or sister. IT was their problem and no one else's business. They had discussed it once she found out she had breast cancer. NO bothersome family in their face, not they got support anyway. He could just imagine his mother-in-law accusing him of bringing the cancer into the house because of being a fireman and his sister in law complaining or finding fault for his wife's illness.

When it came down to it, DeSoto felt like the guys at 51 were more his family than his family. Except for Gage, the one black mark, he had innocently chosen. But Gage was gone and life was getting better. Joanne was due for her next chemo treatment and his family was finding a new normal.

Falling asleep he snuggled closer to his wife, inhaled her hair, and covers and went blissfully into sleep.

************

Phil pulled his car into the driveway and got out of the car. So far Gage had been right on the money, DeSoto was a laid back guy but uptight about something but ten times better than his last partner.

Opening the door, his three year old wrapped her arms around him, followed closely by his wife.

"Well well I should transfer more often," Phil smiled.

Picking up his daughter he followed his wife into the kitchen and sat down.

"Down," Heather asked.

He put her down and watched her go into the living room.

"So how was it?" Trudi gave her husband a cup of coffee and a danish.

"IT was great. I mean Johnny described DeSoto to a t, but I know something's buggin him. Don't know but other than that, he's ten times better than the other jerk I worked with. I have to call Johnny and thank him, you know," Nolan finished his food and coffee. "So after I take my nap what's on the agenda?"

"The beach?" Trudi smiled.

"Sounds good," standing up he kissed his wife, hugged her tightly and headed towards the bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

LOC4

Over the next few shifts DeSoto got to know his new partner better. Phil Nolan was a family man and dedicated to the fire service. Nolan had a three year old girl named Heather and a wife named Trudi; just what he had been hoping for in a partner. He wanted someone normal, calm and responsible, unlike his former partner, whom he hadn't heard a word from.

But he could also count on groceries and money showing up every three weeks for Joanne's chemo treatments. It was a blessing in disguise but also worried him; someone seemed to know Joanne's treatment schedule.

So he had gotten into a routine between Joanne's treatments feeling he was getting more rest when he was on shift than home. Roy loved his children dearly but they were in constant need and comforting since his wife spent a lot of time resting. Every free moment he was cleaning the house, washing clothes and supervising his children. More often than not, Joanne would be on the couch.

One late night, Roy held his wife tightly while lying in bed; he caressed her hair while she cried.

"Oh Roy. I love you so much but I'm scared," Joanne turned around and hugged Roy tighter. "I'm so scared." Tears ran down her face.

Wiping the tears from her face, Roy kissed his wife's nose, kissed her forehead, kissed both cheeks and kissed her hard and long on the lips.

"We're going to beat this Joanne. You're strong and they caught it early. You just leave everything to me and just get yourself well," Roy hugged her tighter, his eyes misting and his heart pounding in his chest. "I love you Joanne, with all my heart and soul. You just get better."

They fell asleep in each other's arms, still holding each other tightly when the alarm went off.

Roy saw the kids off to school and then went to work, holding and kissing his wife before he left to the station.

*****

Joanne sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Her husband had done everything leaving her nothing to do but rest. Her tired body was the result of her chemo treatment. She had never felt so tired in her life and hated it. Jessica and Chris needed her but she was useless. Her babies were getting independent as Roy had shown them how to work the toaster oven and how to help her.

"Damnitt," she threw a pillow at the TV. "I'm going to beat you, cancer. I'm going to beat you."

The children came home from school, made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a glass of milk and watched a little bit of TV before going to the kitchen table and doing homework.

Joanne fell asleep as her children did homework and whispered.

"Is Mommy going to be okay?" Jessica looked at her sleeping mother.

"Yeah, she'll be all right, Jessica. Besides you're not a baby anymore. Dad said Mommy is going to be sick for awhile and we have to be good for her," Chris bent down over his homework trying to hide his tears from his baby sister.

"I wish Uncle Johnny would come over ,Chris. I miss him and Daddy only said he transferred. What's transferred?" Jessica stood on her chair and leaned over to her brother.

"I don't know," Chris wiped the tears from his eyes. "Maybe we can call him. Dad has his phone number someplace."

"Promise?" Jessica's blue eyes bored into her brothers.

"Promise," Chris did a pinky promise as their mother stirred from her nap.

*****

He was loath to admit it but if Gage had still been around, he might have asked Gage to baby-sit or at least take the kids to a park or somewhere.

For Roy his shift being slow was hard going. With a busy shift he didn't need to think except the job at hand. Now getting ready for bed he clenched his hands, and then cupped them as he washed his face with cool water.

The lights went out in the dorm and DeSoto went into a restless sleep. It was two a.m. when he sat straight up, unable to breathe and unable to focus. In his haste to exit his bed he fell hard on the tile and tried using the bed for support. Still unable to breathe he fell down again.

"Roy," Phil wiped the sleep from his eyes, "are you okay?" He quickly knelt down to his incapacitated partner.

DeSoto nodded. "Feels like there's an elephant on my chest," he whispered.

"DeSoto," Captain Stanley appeared and looked at him. "All right," he said, looking at the now fully awake shift. "Chet, you get the oxygen, Marco get the drug box, and Mike get the biophone." The men made short work of their tasks and the equipment surrounded Roy.

"I'm fine," Roy's chest heaved. "Just fine."

"You let Nolan be the judge of that," Stanley looked worried as Phil took Roy's vital signs.

Cap was quickly on the biophone as Nolan relayed vitals.

"51 give patient a paper bag to breathe in. Send vitals again in five minutes," a calm Dr. Early advised.

"10-4 Rampart," Captain Stanley watched as Phil placed a large bag over Roy's mouth.

A few minutes later, the blond paramedic was breathing fine on his own, tired and blushing.

"Sorry guys," Roy tried to stand up with ten hands helping him.

"Man, Roy," Chet shook his head, "something botherin' you?"

Roy looked at each man with respect and love. He had trusted each of them with his life, even Phil. His little attack had shown him his heavy load was going to kill him.

"Guys, I…hell how can I say this?" Roy looked at Hank who nodded.

"Um, Joanne has breast cancer," DeSoto clasped his hands in front of him and waited.

"That's tough," Mike came over and patted him on the back. "If you need anything I'm there for you pal."

"Tough break," Chet ambled over and wondered if Johnny had left because of it.

"Same here," Marco came over. "I'll say a novena for her and put her on our parish prayer list, Roy."

Phil looked at Roy, then Stanley and thought of Johnny and sighed.

"Hey I'm there for ya anytime partner. Any time," Nolan looked at the men. "I don't know about you but I'm dog tired."

"Well, I think it's time for lights out…

Tones sounded for the engine leaving Phil and Roy alone.

*****

The phone rang at the Nolan's.

"Hello," Phil answered as he leaned against the counter in the kitchen

"Hey Phil," Johnny replied his voice sounding distant and hollow.

"Man Johnny, you're a hard one to get a hold of. I must have left a dozen messages," Nolan listened to the music in the background.

"Sorry Phil I've been busy. So what's up?" Johnny's voice went up.

"Um, I don't know if you heard but Roy DeSoto's wife has breast cancer." Nolan stated plainly and heard silence.

Phil heard nothing in the background and he could swear Gage had stopped breathing.

"Johnny are you okay? Johnny?" Phil almost yelled in the phone.

"Yah, man I'm fine Phil. Listen I got to go . . . I'm real busy and . . ." Phil could barely hear his friend's voice.

"Wait a minute Johnny. Trudi and I haven't seen you since I transferred over three months ago, so come over for dinner one night when you're not busy," Phil closed his eyes, wondering what pain Gage was going through hearing about his former partner.

"Um, Phil," Johnny's voice sounded strained. "I'll let you know, k. I got to go. Give my love to Trudi and Heather."

Phil heard the click of the phone. He shook his head; the busy he heard about his former shift mate was lots of OT.

***

It seemed it was another long shift until the phone rang.

"Fireman Marco Lopez," Marco answered the phone since he was closest. He looked at Chet and frowned. "It's for you pal."

"Um, I'll take it in the dorm; Kelly quickly made his way out of the dorm drawing stares from Roy and Phil.

Still reading the paper a few minutes later, a downcast Chet came back into the dayroom. Looking up from his paper, DeSoto looked at his crestfallen shift mate.

"Something wrong Chet?" Roy could see the deep frown in the bushy haired Irishman.

"Yeah, yeah. A good friend of mine is hurt, real bad. Not that it would matter to you of course," Chet's hands were clenched to his chest. "If you'll excuse me I got some phone calls to make." Kelly quickly disappeared from the room.

Phil shrugged, "Kelly always like this?" Nolan felt shivers run up and down his spine.

"Yeah he's like Ga-Kelly is a weird duck but you'll get used to him," DeSoto went back to his paper and didn't give a second thought of Chet's 'good friend'.

****

Roy half expected to find more groceries when he drove Joanne home. He had gotten used to the groceries and pizza for the last few months. Every few weeks, his benefactor knew when his wife had treatment and so far he didn't have to work OT. Every moment he spent with his family was growing more precious every day. Until reality hit him cold in the face.

The family was asleep as he went over the bills. You thought you had good health insurance until this happened. Even the money slipped in the groceries helped some but since Joanne didn't follow the usual protocol he was having to fight the insurance company tooth and nail.

Wrapping her arms around her husband, Joanne kissed him on the forehead.

"Now what are you doing up so late for?" Her scent always drove him crazy.

"I'm going over bills babe," Roy turned around and kissed his wife passionately. "The damn insurance.. .'

"Roy you know the doctors are fighting for us. It just takes a little time. We'll be all right," she tenderly kissed him back.

Turning his chair, he brought her over to his lap and held her gently and kissed her nose.

"You know Roy, now I've got my strength back and the kids are asleep," she whispered in his ear. "I'll let you do all the work, that's if you're up to it." She took both his hands, the bills forgotten, and led him to their bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

LOC5

It had been another slow shift and Roy looked at his partner. The man was as different as night and day from his previous partner.

"So tell me Phil, how did you become a paramedic?" Roy sipped his coffee and ate a few homemade cookies Cap had brought in.

Phil looked into his coffee cup and the blue eyes of his partner, took a sip and took a few bites from his cookie. "Are you sure you want to know, Roy?" Phil was hesitant, not sure how DeSoto would take his story.

"Of course I want to know; I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to hear it. C'mon," Roy winked at him.

"Well you see I have this friend, who's a paramedic, you know real gung ho on the program and he thought I'd make an excellent paramedic," Nolan let his words sink in as he heard the engine doors slam.

"Stupid dumpster fires," Marco shook his head and headed for the couch.

"We're fireman, man, where's the big one," Chet headed towards some much needed coffee.

Mike got some and watched as Cap headed towards the office for the never ending paperwork.

"Really," DeSoto noticed the lack of name of Nolan's friend.

"Truth is I almost didn't make it," Phil took a long drink of his coffee, got up, refreshed it and sat down again.

"How so?" Desoto leaned forward on the table anxious to how his partner almost didn't become a paramedic.

"Well you see Trudi was pregnant and I wanted to work as much OT as I could until my friend said he'd cover my back," Nolan sat the coffee cup down and remembered the conversation.

"_Johnny I'd really love to, but I can't man. I really can't," Nolan frowned and shook his head._

"_Don't worry about it pally, I got your back, really man. You were born for this," Johnny grinned and patted him on his shoulders._

_Nolan nodded and wondered what he got himself into._

"You were saying?" Roy noticed the faraway look of his partner.

"Um, well my friend would show up with groceries and pizza with money tucked in plain small white envelopes and deny everything," Phil smiled at Johnny's denial of any money. "Even helped me study for the exam. The guy's a real gem."

Roy scratched his cheek with his finger and quickly thought of his benefactor. Hell, he hadn't heard a peep out of Gage and it was highly unlikely Phil's friend and Gage were one in the same. Gage only cared about himself.

"Well, that was an interesting story," Stanley looked at Phil. "Your friend recruit other paramedics too?" As he poured himself a cup of coffee before heading back to the office.

"I don't know, only know my friend told me if I found someone who should be a paramedic I was to help him out any way possible, my friend's like that you know," Nolan winked at Stanley.

"Well you can never have enough friends like those, pal," Cap headed to his office only to have tones go off.

"Station 51, Station 127, structure fire, 299 West Orland and Brea, time out 12.51"

*************

Roy chewed on his lower lip as he read the sports page of the newspaper. It was Saturday as usual; the kids fought and Joanne's feet were propped on his legs as she slept. Breakfast had been cooked, he had cleaned up, and the kids were playing in the backyard.

Life was pretty good except for the doctor's appointment in three days. Three days to see if the chemo had been working. Three months of worry, and to see his beautiful wife change before his eyes. She had lost her lovely brown hair

Once lunch was done, Chris and Jessica went over to their friends, knowing they had be home before the streetlights came on. A knock on the door, made Roy ease off from his sleeping wife and answer the door.

A postman waited him.

"Um I'm looking for Joanne DeSoto I have a package for her," the man held out package with a clipboard on top.

"Um I'm her husband," Roy volunteered, signed for the package, closed the door and woke up his sleeping wife.

"Hey, babe this came for you," Roy put the package on his wife's lap.

She tore open the packaging and pulled out a beautiful wig, it looked like her own hair in all its ways.

"Oh honey, thank you," she kissed him deeply, "no more bandanas."

The joke had been Joanne had different bandanas for going out. There was her park one, her dinner and movie one and school one. Now she had her hair back only he had given it to her.

"Babe, I didn't get it for you. Is there some note or something," Roy found a catalog in amongst the paper and noted the expensive prices of the wigs. These were top notch and why they looked so natural.

"Give me a second," Joanne got up, grinning like Christmas as she headed to the bathroom. A few minutes later a beaming, smiling wife hugged him.

"I forgot what I looked like with hair," she grinned and kissed him. "Let's take the kids out for pizza. I need to show off my new hair!" Joanne laughed long and hard, something Roy had missed for awhile.

Shaking his head, he had no idea who has spent such an extravagance on his wife. He had talked to Joanne about getting a wig, but the ones in their budget screamed wig. The one she had gotten today looked totally natural and he hadn't seen his wife smile so much since her diagnosis.

*****

"So we're sitting there relaxing and Joanne gets a two hundred dollar wig!" Roy explained to Phil. "I mean she looks fantastic in it. Now she wants to go out more, she's not embarrassed by her bandanas."

They were sitting in the empty day room since the engine was on a call.

"That's great Roy, really great," Phil only noticed his partner still wasn't smiling.

"Well she's going for radiation treatments now and I have to fight the dammed insurance company again. I mean Joanne is a number one penny pincher but man it's eating into the kids' college fund," Roy sighed, his shoulders slumped as he looked into his coffee for answers.

"Hey Roy about the Firemen's benevolence fund? You can get some help there right?" Phil hoped it would.

Roy looked at his good intentioned partner. "Phil I don't want to do that; I mean that's for the wives and mothers. I'm still working . . . I just can't to that," Roy sighed again and pushed his chair back.

Tones sounded and they were off on another run.

******

So far so good, Roy thought as they drove home.

"Oh my God," Joanne groaned.

"Honey are you all right, should we go back to the hospital?" Roy pulled the car over to the side of the road; they were on their way home from her radiation treatment.

"Roy," tears streaming down his wife's face. "We forgot Jessica's birthday! I'm her mother how could I forget my baby's birthday?"

"Joanne, honey, it's all right," Roy slid over and held his wife tightly. "I'll take you home and I'll go get a cake and balloons and everything's going to be all right." His mind running through the millions things he would have to do to once he got his wife settled.

Pulling the car up the driveway, something shiny caught his eye as he helped Joanne out of the car. Sitting on their porch were the usual groceries along with balloons, cake and wrapped presents. Their benefactor knew it was Jessica's birthday.

Scratching his head, Joanne and he carried the treasures in the house and decided they would have their daughter's celebration tonight. So caught up in treatments, doctor's appointments, the parents felt guilty and planned to make it up to their daughter.

Coming home from school, Jessica's frown quickly became a smile with hugs and kisses for her parents, knowing they hadn't forgotten her birthday. Inviting a few friends over, Roy barbecued hamburgers and hot dogs and celebrated his precious daughter's birthday.

*******

Going to shift, Roy still had a smile on his face from his daughter's impromptu celebration and how a major disaster had been avoided. He also realized how much of his wife's illness was dominating his life.

Phil noted his partner's quiet demeanor. "Something up Roy?" He asked as they both checked the drug box.

"Yeah I almost forgot my daughter's birthday," Roy sighed, stood up and leaned on the squad. "What sort of father am I? I can't even remember my daughter's birthday." He chewed on his lip. "If it hadn't been for . . ."

"For what Roy?" Phil stood up and looked into Roy's tired eyes.

"Nothing Phil. Nothing. Let's go to Rampart."

Once at Rampart, they both headed toward the nurse's station and their favorite nurse.

"Yes, I have to go. Yes, of course I'll call you. Good bye," Dixie hung up the phone and smiled. "So how are my favorite paramedics?"


	6. Chapter 6

LOC 6

Jessica and Chris crept slowly and noiselessly down the stairs. Their parents were asleep and they wanted to call their favorite uncle. It had been four months since seeing Johnny and Dad didn't talk about him or even mention his name. All he talked about was Phil Nolan, his new partner, and just said Johnny had transferred.

Chris had been able to find John Gage's phone number and they were going to call him. The sun was barely starting to rise as they made their way to the kitchen, the phone sitting in between it and the dining room.

"Shhh, be quiet," Chris held Jessica's hand and plopped her on the floor. Taking the phone off the divider, he placed it between them and pulled out the sheet of paper. Punching in the numbers he heard the phone ring on the headset and his sister leaned closer.

Johnny's coughed out his lungs hurting from working double shifts and inhaling a little too much smoke. He lay in bed exhausted and reached for the phone. "Hello?" Cough, cough.

"Hello Uncle Johnny," Chris whispered and glanced at the stairs.

"Who." Cough. "Is." Cough. "This." Cough, cough, cough.

"It's me, Uncle Johnny." Chris DeSoto frowned. "I'm whispering."

"Chris, does your dad know you're calling me?" Johnny rubbed at his eyes and squinted at his clock radio. _Oh man._

"Uncle Johnny, we miss you," Jessica called softly into the phone. "When can we see you again?"

Johnny cleared his throat.

"Jesse, does your dad know you're calling me?" The dark haired paramedic closed his eyes.

"It doesn't matter," Chris stated. "We miss you and . . ." 

"Kids? Kids? Where are you?" Roy's voice filtered downstairs.

"Bye." Chris hung up the phone and quickly placed it back on the divider. He pulled up his sister and the headed towards the living room.

"Kids." Roy in his pajama's had his hands on his hips. "What are you doing here?" He wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"We were going to watch cartoons and …"

"Get to bed now," Roy pointed upstairs.

"But …" Chris stammered as he pouted and headed upstairs with Jessica.

Roy shook his head and headed upstairs too; it had been a hard shift.

*******

The DeSoto's had picked a good day to go to the beach. Joanne had most of her strength back and didn't want to stay home. Roy quickly packed an ice chest and then loaded the car with beach towels, chairs and beach toys. Jessica and Chris were excited since they were skipping school and the sandy haired paramedic was happy to spend time with his family.

Settled on the beach, Joanne cuddled up to him as they watched the kids play in the surf.

"It's a beautiful day isn't it?" Roy looked down at Joanne. She wore a large hat to cover her face, shorts and tank top. She was glowing and he kissed her hard.

"I love you Roy DeSoto," Joanne kissed him back. "Thank you."

"No, honey, thank you for putting me up all these years and letting me take care of you." Roy kissed his wife again, then heard the kids yelling.

"Hey Dad, look who we found," Chris said proudly, his hand gripped tightly onto Johnny's.

"Uh, hi Roy," Johnny released his hand from Jessica's and looked at the loving couple. "Great minds think alike huh?" His voice was quiet, subdued and almost conciliatory.

"Yeah, umm…" Roy stood up.

"Stay Johnny," Joanne looked up at the paramedic, "we have plenty of food and the kids haven't seen you in ages." Her green eyes bored into his, almost begging him.

Johnny looked at Roy then Joanne and tried to smile.

"Um, yeah sure, for a little while anyway," Gage set down his things and then followed the kids to the shore.

"Uncle Johnny can we make sand castles?" Chris looked up to him.

"Sure Chris, sand castles it is!" Taking a pail he started scooping out sand as the kids went and filled up their toys with sand. With his back to the DeSoto's Johnny preferred the company of the kids and not the adults. He just couldn't look Roy in the eye.

They got involved making sand castles not knowing how closely they were being watched.

"Oh Roy, I'm so glad Johnny showed up," Joanne smiled and looking at her long lost friend.

"I dunno, Joanne. Once Johnny transferred it's as if he disappeared off the face of the planet," Roy looked at the three people on the beach.

"Maybe he's been busy Roy, with the new station. I remember when you first went to 51 and getting to know the guys," Joanne tempered her husband's statement. "Maybe he heard about me and well, maybe he feels uncomfortable."

Roy looked at his wife, fighting her cancer without complaints, and John Gage with out a care in the world. "Jo, honey he's a paramedic. We did training in a hospital for three months; it not as if he hasn't been around cancer." He defended his opinion and lack thereof of his former partner.

"Well I'm just glad he's here. The kids are really enjoying themselves," Joanne pulled Roy closer as they held each other tightly.

"Uncle Johnny," Jessica looked at him, her blue eyes reminding him of his former partner's

"Yeah, Jesse," Johnny stopped what he was doing, and then found he had tripped the bucket of sand on his feet.

"How come you don't come over anymore?" the five year old looked with innocent eyes.

"Yeah, how come?" Chris joined his sister also curious why he had disappeared from their lives.

"Well I'm sure your dad told you I transferred is all, and well," Johnny looked at the ground. "I'm busy is all," it sounded empty to him but it was the truth. He stared digging in the sand and winced when he dug too hard.

"Transferred?" Jessica looked confused.

"Yeah, um, in the fire department firemen transfer, get promoted all sorts of stuff. It's real common, you know," Johnny tried to make them understand.

"But we miss you Uncle Johnny," Jessica wrapped her arms around his neck. "That's why we called you."

"Uncle Johnny did you know Mom was sick?" Chris spoke from innocence.

"Yeah I heard that," Johnny dug into the soft sand and pounded it.

"I'm trying to be good for Mommy," Jessica smiled and looked at him. "We help her and everything."

Gage felt his chest constrict and tried to smile. "I'm real proud of you guys, helping your mom and all."

Biting back the tears John heard Roy call out. Getting the kids up they headed back to Roy and Joanne to find new guests.

"Hey Johnny," Phil came over and patted him on the back.

Trudi and Heather came over and hugged him too. Heather grabbed a hold of his leg; he winced and tried to smile.

"Nonny!" Heather held tightly.

Johnny felt like he was suffocating, catching the odd look on Roy's face.

"Um, well I was just leaving," quickly scooping up his stuff. He knew it had been a bad idea. "Trudi please!" John pointed to Heather and Trudi took her and held her to her chest.

"But Johnny," Joanne protested, "you just got here."

"Sorry Joanne, but I…I got things to do. You take care now." Waving, Johnny turned and bit his lower lip, feeling like a number one a-class jerk for breaking into Roy and Phil's fun.

Roy watched as Gage walked away, shoulder's slumped and head down, looking at Phil. He knew his partner hadn't told him everything he knew about Johnny.

"Oh well, who's hungry for hot dogs?" Roy smiled and started putting wood in the fire pit.

Soon hamburgers and hot dogs were being grilled and food was passed out. Heather, Chris and Jessica were talking quietly as the adults looked on.

"Wow," Phil looked at all the food, "feeding an army there Roy?"

"Um, no, it's just…" Roy looked at the food forgetting there were normal people here not Gage's. Every time they came to the beach John could finish off six hot dogs and still be hungry. "Um sorry, old habits you know."

"Yeah I think I know. Kinda nice seeing Johnny here," Phil sat on the pit nursing his soda.

"Well that was an accident," Roy stated, flipping a burger. "The kids found him," he said with disappointment.

"Oh I thought…" Phil looked at Trudi and shrugged.

"To tell you the truth Phil, I haven't heard from Johnny since he left. It's been close to four months and nothing," Roy placed the burgers and hot dogs hard into the metal tray. "Jo honey, time to eat. Want to get out the chips and stuff?"

Soon the food was out and everyone was eating. Joanne and Trudi got to know each other better.

"It sure was nice seeing Johnny here," Trudi looked at Joanne seeing the tiredness on her face.

"Well the kids found him," Joanne took a bite of her burger. "I just wished he had stayed. He looked like he'd been hurt."

Trudi took a few chips and then nodded. "You noticed that too. Phil said he heard Johnny's been working a lot of OT."

Joanne sighed. "Maybe he has nothing better to do. You know Trudi I thought I knew John Gage; he's been a part of our life ever since Roy and he became partners. I know Roy won't admit it but he misses Johnny, just like the rest of us. How often to you hear from Johnny?" Joanne leaned in closer, hoping to heal her husband and his best friend.

"We don't Joanne. Only when he calls and that's only after Phil's left a dozen messages. He hasn't been by our place in months. I'm real sorry Joanne," Trudi put down her plate and the women hugged. "It will work out, you'll see."

"S'mores, we want s'mores!" Jessica and Chris yelled after finishing their plates and dumping the paper into the embers.

****

Phil looked at Johnny's back as he clanged and clanked in the bowels of the engine. It had been a long time since he had seen Gage let alone hear from him. With fifteen minutes of goading he had convinced his old friend to come over for a few minutes.

Six months, Nolan had been with Roy as a paramedic partner and he was thankful. But he wondered if it had been an even trade. Hell, Johnny never said where he transferred, let alone who his new partner was. All he knew it wasn't in Rampart's purview, therefore it had to be St. Francis or Harbor General. Only problem was he didn't know any of the guys over there since the only time they met each other was conferences.

"Phil, man, you need to work on this hunk of junk more often," Gage came up for air, holding a dirty plug with grease on his cheek.

Phil frowned thinking of Roy and his money problems.

"You okay, man?" Johnny's brown eyes filled with compassion and curiosity.

"Uh, yeah sure, just thinking about Roy is all," Phil started cleaning the dirty plug Johnny handed to him.

"Oh," Johnny tried to sound disinterested. "What's up?"

Nolan looked at Johnny and knew he was thankful for him getting DeSoto as a partner, trusting his instincts he decided to spill all.

"Well you see Roy's having a hell of a time fighting with the damn insurance company seeing as Joanne's not going the usual route, you know. And Joanne thinks she going to have a mastectomy and Roy's worried the insurance won't cover it after all this time", Phil took a long breath.

Johnny nodded

"Anyway, it's getting to be a bitch and Roy has been in the kid's college fund. Thing is he won't get help from the benevolence fund either," Phil watched as he saw his friends wheels turn.

"Hey Phil, why don't you have a fund raiser or something? You know one the department would approve of," Johnny took the rag and wiped the grease from his face and grinned.

"Like what Johnny? You know I'm not good at those things. I just wouldn't know where to start, you know?" Phil took the wrench he had held and threw it into the workbench.

"Well hell Phil, how about a pancake breakfast? You know if I remember there's a park nearby and most of the vendor's you could use the ones we do for our annual open house. Besides I know the department would approve it," Johnny looked at Phil and his hesitation. "C'mon, man it would be a piece of cake. You'd just have to pick a date and get a permit."

"You make it sound so easy Johnny. I'm not like you. I don't have a million friends out there," Nolan stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Hey Phil it's not like I have a million friends, you know," Johnny stuck his hands in his pockets. "Just some are more important than others."

"Johnny, would you like a beer?" Trudi stuck her head into the garage, the screen door open.

"Yeah sure. Um, tell me when was the last time you two went on a date?" Johnny pointed to Phil and Trudi.

"A date?" Trudi giggled. "You can't be serious, Johnny. Remember we have a three year old."

Phil looked wide eyed at his clueless friend. "Yeah Johnny. You may not have kids, but dating for us is a long way off."

Reaching into his pocket, Gage pulled out a fifty dollar bill.

"On me, take your wife out for a date," John pushed the money into Phil's hand. "I'll watch Heather," the paramedic grinned.

"But Johnny!" Trudi protested.

"Hey I'm a paramedic, Trudi. Besides it's a one time offer."

"Phil," Trudi hugged her husband. "Beat you to the shower."

Phil watched as his wife headed back into the house.

"You know Johnny you just don't play fair," Phil crossed his arms.

"Haven't you heard Phil—all's fair in love and war?"

"Yeah right, now if you'll excuse me I have to get cleaned up for going out with my gorgeous wife," Phil turned and headed into the house.

"Well Phil, I think I got the better end of the deal," Johnny laughed.

"Wait until Heather screams bloody murder when she wants to go to bed," Phil chuckled.

*****

Once settled at the dark Italian restaurant, Phil really looked at his wife.

"You know honey, you're wonderful," he kissed her hand and nibbled at her fingers.

Trudi moaned and then gently kicked her husband under the table.

"Hey what was that for?" Phil looked hurt.

"You can have dessert, later," she said seductively, "let's have dinner first."

For the next two hours, the couple enjoyed themselves, trying different things from the menu and getting reacquainted. Dessert was brought out when they looked at the time.

"Phil it's almost ten p.m. What will Johnny think of us?" Trudi finished her coffee.

"Oh, that we were having a good time, that's what," Phil signaled for the waiter as they paid the bill and left the restaurant.

Returning home and opened the door found Johnny coming out of the kitchen after hanging up the phone.

"Hey, you're back," Johnny grinned.

"Any important messages?" Phil had noticed the phone call.

"Nope nothing important, but I gotta go. I'm glad you had a good time," Johnny shook Phil's hand and the hugged Trudi.

"Call me Johnny," Phil yelled as the paramedic disappeared in the darkness.

Phil headed to the kitchen and saw a piece of paper next to the phone and started to read it. He found a list of suppliers and vendors in Gage's handwriting along with the contact at headquarters and Carson City Hall. All Nolan had to do was pick a date.

"Honey, I think we're going to have a pancake breakfast for Roy DeSoto." Phil smiled and thanked his lucky stars for a friend as good as John Gage.


	7. Chapter 7

LOC7

With the sun shining brightly Roy walked towards the staging area of the pancake breakfast. His children had all ready been picked up by the Stanley's and Joanne was staying home as she coped with the effects of her last radiation treatment.

Walking through the park he could see the banner, trucks and all sorts of people. At the main table, DeSoto saw his partner talking to someone; he swore it was John Gage. It seemed both men were in an animated discussion.

"C'mon man," Phil pleaded, "you got to stay. If it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened." Nolan held out both his hands and begged

John crossed his arms, "I didn't do nothing man except give you a few phone numbers besides I can't stay, I have to…"

"Work some more OT, Johnny if you're not careful you're going to kill yourself. You've all ready had a few close calls so far," Phil warned him and looked at Gage's tired eyes.

"Man, you worry too much, besides I'm going on vacation. A long overdue vacation," Gage looked up to see a familiar sandy haired man approaching.

"Look man, I got to go." Reaching into his shirt pocket he quickly stuffed money into the donation jar, waved at Phil, turned, and headed for his car.

"Hey Roy you made it," Phil shook his partner's hand.

Roy watched the departing white rover. "Yeah, I parked on the other side of the park."

"Good deal, let's get you settled and . . ."

"Hey Phil, one of the vendors is here," Chet yelled.

"I'll be back," Phil waved and followed Chet.

Curious to what his cheapskate ex partner left in the donation jar he opened it.

"Okay Gage let's see do you go big and give a tenner," Roy pulled out the folded bills and opened them to find two one hundred dollar bills. "Where the hell did you get these?"

"Hey Roy I'm ready for you," Phil called out he watched Roy put the money back and head towards him.

Phil led him to a long gas griddle for the pancakes and sausage. Other tables had been set up for the condiments and also the drinks. It was a free will donation; however, Phil didn't want to tell Roy it had been Johnny's doing. A couple of phone call and all the vendors came tumbling out, one mention of Gage's name and complete strangers were helping him with the benefit. Even at headquarters, the P.I.O. was bending over backwards. It had taken less than a month to plan and seemed like an eternity to the shy Nolan. So here he was hosting this pancake breakfast for his partner and his ailing wife and he felt guilty Gage had not stuck around. All of A-shift of 51 and C-shift were manning the griddles since B had to work with promises to drop by to support a brother in need.

"Well we need to get things mixed up. The sausages are defrosting; we have a refrigerated truck, generators and everything else we need. Trudi and the cap's wife will be manning the donation table and the other wife's will be pouring coffee, milk and juice. So what will it be—pancakes or sausage?" Phil looked expectedly; not realizing his partner would show up and work. He also had heated chafing dishes for the food. In one fell swoop Gage had come through.

"How about pancakes? I'm pretty good flipping them and besides how many people are you expecting Phil? A couple dozen?" Roy smiled and patted his nervous partner on his back.

"Look Roy I did the best I could getting the word out, but just to let you know pal, this isn't my sort of thing. I know the other guys at the station passed out flyers but I'm doing the best I could," Nolan frowned and sighed.

"Hey man it's all right. I appreciate everything your doing for me. Shall we make pancakes or what?" Roy glanced at his watch. "The crowds will arrive in half an hour."

What seemed an eternity was mere hours. Roy had thought he had never flipped so many pancakes in his life. Taking a wet handkerchief he wiped his sweaty face and took a long drink of coffee. The crowds seemed to have come from nowhere, so much so cops were directing traffic and two radio stations were doing remotes directing more people to come to the benefit.

Roy looked at his watch, it was now eleven o'clock, the event was supposed to end now but he could see a long line of people waiting and the pancake batter along with the rest of the supplies dwindled.

There in the distance he saw a large truck headed their way. Phil ran to it and the driver got out.

"Got a phone call you guys were getting low on product," the driver smiled. "Oh and this is on the house, always ready to help a fireman."

Nolan called a few guys over and the truck was quickly unloaded and their supplies replenished.

"You look tired Roy," Phil patted him on the shoulder, "how about you do sausages for awhile?"

Roy nodded and moved a few feet down the griddle, opened boxes and started cooking sausages.

Phil dismissed him saying he didn't need help with the clean up. His kids would be staying with the Stanley's so Roy headed back to his car. He made his way to the now empty donation table and saw a piece of paper on it, picking it up he read some very familiar handwriting.

_**Phil,**_

_**Here is a list of contacts and vendors. Just mention my name.**_

Further down past the names and numbers was another short note.

_**Buddy, let me know if you need anything else. Good luck!**_

_**Johnny**_

"So you know Johnny, hell who didn't know Johnny," Roy shook his head remembering the last pancake breakfast at the station.

"_Gentlemen, gentlemen, just got off the phone and everything is set," Gage rubbed his hands together._

"_So what does that mean, Gage?" a nervous Chet asked._

"_It means, Chester B. I got us everything at cost that's what it means," Johnny patted Chet on the back._

"_So? What does that mean?" Chet asked again._

"_What it means is it's a win-win situation, Chet. The vendors get to write us off for charity and we get to put more money in the benevolence fund. Sheesh Chet it isn't that hard. Is it partner?" Gage looked at Roy._

"_No, it's just who you know," Roy winked at Gage._

"_Yeah, Johnny knows everyone," Chet rolled his eyes. "So hows about we get a band for this breakfast and liven things up."_

_Marco and Mike rolled their eyes._

"_You want a band?" Johnny's arms flailed over his head. "I'll get you a band," Gage headed back to the phone._

"_I'm kidding Gage. Besides who don't you know," Chet sighed and headed to coffee._

"_I," Johnny rubbed his knuckles against his chest. "Only the important people Chet. Only the important people."_

Yeah, Johnny knew everyone so he had thought Phil had gotten this from the Cap only to find out Nolan knew Gage, but hey they were paramedics of course Gage knew them.

"Hey Roy," Phil raced towards him with a box. "I'm glad I caught you. This is for you," he thrust the box at him.

DeSoto took it and looked inside; there were stuffed animals and envelopes.

"What the hell is this?" Roy looked at the bundles.

"Well partner it's from the radio and TV stations and the people who came to the breakfast. You can keep them; they won't be part of the count. We only took the money out of the donation jar…"

"But," Roy protested.

"Ah, ha ha, Roy. Hey you can do what you want with them. I'm just the messenger. Anyway cleanup is calling see ya later," Nolan disappeared back to the equipment.

Walking back Roy was stopped by a local cop still looking dazed from the box he was holding.

"Hey Vince," Roy waved and stopped.

"Wow, you guys really had some excitement there. Glad you didn't have any need for paramedics huh?" Vince laughed and looked confused.

"Something wrong Vince?" Roy looked behind him.

"Naw it's just, well hell Roy when I see you I kinda look for Johnny too. Sorry." Vince looked at the paramedic.

"It's okay Vince. Its Johnny's problem not mine. He transferred not me," the sandy haired paramedic said bitterly. "Anyway I've got to get home. See ya later."

Driving home Roy was thankful for such good friends and work mates. So far they had bent over backwards helping him with his bouts of depression with Joanne. At the station he could let his hair down and be refreshed and strong when he came home.

Once inside the house he found Joanne asleep on the couch he sat down next to her and started to rub her feet, like he used to do when she was pregnant with the kids.

Joanne woke up and smiled.

"You look tired Roy. I saw it on the news, it looked like a madhouse!"

"Oh I think I've make enough pancakes to last a lifetime, honey. I just don't understand how so many people turned out. I just know," Roy shook his head and moved closer to his wife. "I'm glad we're alone tonight."

"Me too," she moved closer together and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Several hours later there was a knock on the door and Roy carefully got up.

Opening it up he found a delivery guy waiting.

"Here you go mister. Chinese for two," he handed the large brown paper sack to Roy.

"Wait a minute," Roy protested.

"Keep your shirt on, it's already bought and paid for. Have a good day," the guy turned and left.

"Honey we got dinner and it's from our favorite Chinese place," Roy shook his head.

"Good I'm starved. I'll get the plates and beer," Joanne laughed and hurried with the dinner.

Roy got out the candlesticks and turned the lights down low, found some good music on the stereo and they held each other's hands during dinner.

"Did I tell you I love you Roy DeSoto," Joanne smiled and licked her lips.

"And did I tell you I love you Joanne DeSoto," he played with her fingers and they quickly finished dinner.

****

Back on shift, Roy knew things were looking up. Nolan would give him the profit made from the pancake breakfast.

"Man it was a great success, thanks guys," Roy shook each of his shift mates' hands.

"Happy to do it Roy," Hank smiled.

"Yeah anything for you babe," Chet smiled.

Mike and Marco just nodded.

"My arm was tired let me tell you. Any idea where all the people came from?" Roy looked at his friends.

"Hey I just passed out a few flyers is all," Chet denied any success but casts wary glances to the rest of the men.

Phil's face remained blank as tones sounded.

***

For the next week it was business as usual, Roy would know how the breakfast went after shift and life would be better. Joanne was seriously considering the mastectomy but worried he wouldn't love her anymore. It was pure nonsense but Joanne would take some convincing.

Tones sounded—

**Station 51, Engine 127 and Chopper 3, Hikers down, at mile marker three at Angeles Crest see park ranger time out 13:27**

"Sounds bad," Roy stated as Phil climbed in. The engine not far behind watched as they climbed higher and higher.

Roy found the ranger, who hopped in the cab.

"Yes, we had another camper help us look for the lost hikers. He had an HT and knew how to use it," she stated and kept her eyes on the road. "I've seen him here a few times; he knows the trails real well."

Phil picked up the mic, "Squad 51 to Engine 51 is aware there is another victim, a Good Samaritan."

"Engine 51," Stanley replied.

"Anyway he found the hikers and then got hurt himself. Damn shame, I hope he's okay. Seemed like a real nice guy. Stop right up there. The ground is really loose. That's how our would-be rescuer fell down. Suggest you go easy on the slope." She climbed out as the engine and squad parked a few feet away.

Once the ropes were secured both men went down, Roy checked the hikers and Phil went further down to check the injured Samaritan.

Roy was busy with the two hikers and checking their injuries before having them hauled up; the slope was so unsteady it took an even hand so the rest of the road didn't collapse on them.

Nolan went down further, finding the rescuer on a ledge.

"Slack! I need more slack!" Nolan yelled as he was in parallel with the man.

Leaning forward he brushed the dark hair from the man's face.

"OH my God. It's John Gage. It's freaking Gage!"


	8. Chapter 8

LOC8

Roy stopped what he was doing and looked down at his partner.

"You sure Nolan? Are you sure it's Gage?" Roy could feel his heart race and respirations increase. He looked at the two scared hikers.

Phil looked again at his injured friend.

"Johnny can you hear me? Johnny?" Phil tried to get a reaction from the man. "Roy there's no reaction to stimuli. I'm going to need the stokes, sandbags and then we can access him once we get him topside."

DeSoto nodded and took the HT.

"Cap we're going to need the stokes and sandbags to bring up the rescuer," licking his lips he continued. "Cap, it's John Gage."

"Dammitt," Stanley whispered. "All right we'll send them down after you bring up the hikers. What do you need?"

"Well I need an arm splint for victim one and nothing for victim two. There both kinda shocky and dehydrated as far as I can tell. I'm more worried about victim three. Phil isn't getting any reaction from him." Roy's voice was breathless as he licked his lips.

"Okay Roy, we'll send down the belts and the splint and get the stokes ready. We've all ready contacted Rampart," Hank looked over the road and the injured victims. "You okay pal?"

"Yeah Cap I'm fine. Quicker we get them all up the better," Roy looked up as two belts and a splint came down beside him.

As the injured victims were brought up, dirt and small rocks rained down on DeSoto as he protected his face. Once he knew the two male hikers were secure, he took the HT again.

"Okay Cap, I need to be lowered next to Gage and then you can lower the stokes. We have to take it real slow; I don't like the look of this road," Roy glanced up to the falling debris.

"Slack," Roy yelled as he was lowered to his partner. "Okay." DeSoto moved closer to Gage and Nolan.

"Any changes, Phil?" Roy removed his glove and felt for John's pulse. Weak and thready.

"No Roy. We need to get him up topside. The hikers tell you how long Johnny's been out?" Phil touched the back of the inert man.

"About a half an hour," Roy did a quick assessment and found no injuries. "Well I don't find anything broken, do you?" DeSoto noted the concerned and worried face of Nolan.

"No, but his respirations are very shallow," Phil noted and watched as the stokes came down.

Once they had their victim situated, Gage was pulled up along with Nolan and DeSoto.

"Oh man," Chet moaned as Gage was brought closer to the squad to be stabilized before they loaded him into the waiting copter.

"Rampart this is Squad 51, how do you read?" Nolan spoke into the handset.

"We read you loud and clear," Brackett's voice came over the biophone.

"Gage has been extricated from the slope, vitals are as follows…."

"Man, Gage should be in Hawaii right now," Chet stuck his hands in his pockets. "If it hadn't been for Roy and…"

"Cool it, Chet," Marco hissed looking at his distraught friend, "Roy might hear you."

Chet turned and glared at Marco, "So what maybe it's time Roy heard about Jo—"

"Shut up Chet," Mike came over as he watched the paramedics work. "You're not helping."

Roy looked up to see the three men talking in hushed whispers and the serious face of his Captain. Gage had a deep laceration on his head and was still unconscious.

"Rampart victim 3 is ready to transport," Nolan stated and then help lift the stokes. "Roy, you go in with them."

"Sure, why not," Roy took the biophone as Gage and the two hikers were loaded into the copter. "See you at Rampart."

Roy sat next to the unconscious Gage and watched the forest disappear as they headed to Rampart.

"Hey mister," one of the hikers looked at him, "he going to be okay?" He pointed to Johnny. "Man, if he hadn't come along . . . we thought no one would."

"How long were you down there?" Roy noticed the tiredness of his victims.

"It was about a day, right Rodger?" Ken asked his friend.

"Yeah man, if it hadn't been for him, we'd be goners," Rodger clutched his injured arm closer to his body.

"Roy?" Johnny whispered.

"One second," Roy leaned over to Gage's face.

"Roy," Gage's eyes barely open.

'Yeah Johnny?" DeSoto asked

"Sorry, so sorry," Johnny went back to unconsciousness.

Before long they were at Rampart, Early and Morton took the two hikers and Brackett took Gage.

"How is he Roy," Brackett looked at his paramedic.

"Well he gained consciousness for a few seconds but after that nothing," DeSoto exchanged oxygen and then looked at the injured man and bit his lower lip.

"You need me?" Roy looked at the doctor as he held tightly to the HT. DeSoto was fighting many emotions, anger, fear and confusion. A man whom he thought as a good friend had transferred without a word, a single solitary word and just when he needed a friend most. Now John lay there, helpless and unconscious, and he felt nothing.

For a moment, Kell looked at John and then Roy. He never knew a time when Roy had not stuck close to his partner when he was injured, and now Roy was asking to leave.

"No Roy, Carol and I can handle it," Brackett nodded as he watched the door close.

"Carol, I want a skull series, chest x-rays. I want . . ."

Once released the sandy haired paramedic headed to the nurse's station and much needed coffee.

"Roy," Dixie nodded to one of her favorite paramedics. "How's Johnny?"

Roy poured himself coffee and then looked at Dixie. They had been through a lot together since Joanne had gotten breast cancer. He had counted on her counsel and advice.

"I don't know," Roy sipped his coffee. "I'm waiting for my partner."

The nurse crossed her arms and then looked at him.

"Roy DeSoto how can you tell me you don't know? I've had to drag you out of John's room and…" Dixie's eyes flared with what she had just heard.

"He's not my partner anymore Dix, okay? He's someone else's problem," setting down his cup he looked at the nurse. "I think I'll wait outside for the squad." He turned and headed for the emergency room doors.

Dixie watched in shock as Roy headed out of the ER.

"What is this world coming to?" Dixie sighed heavily and returned to her never ending paperwork.

****

Even before Nolan had a chance to park the squad, Roy motioned him to move over.

"Um, Roy how's Gage?" asking him the one thing on his mind on the long drive back to Rampart.

"I don't know," Roy slammed the door. "He's in good hands Phil. Not like he hasn't been here before." Desoto gunned the engine of the squad and then glared at his partner.

"But Roy don't you think . . ." Phil asked quietly hoping for some answers.

"Look Phil he's well taken care of. Besides, he transferred they can deal with him," Roy grabbed the mic, "Squad 51 available. The taxpayers pay us to help them, not stay around the hospital drinking coffee."

"Squad 51 wait for a response."

Then they were off again for three more calls before heading back to quarters.

***

Johnny didn't know what hurt worse, his head or his ribs. He was cold, but then he felt a warm blanket wrapped around him. He opened one eye.

"Dixie?!"

"Hello handsome," McCall smiled.

"Great just great," Gage lamented. "I get to spend the last few days of my vacation in the damn hospital."

"Oh, so you were on vacation?" Dixie tried to keep it light, she was still angry at Roy and Johnny seemed to need a friend right now.

"Yeah, camping. You know, the usual," Johnny grinned. "Tried to get away from it all, but it didn't work very well, did it."

"How can you say that?" Dixie wrapped the blanket tighter around the injured paramedic.

"Oh, it was DeSoto and Nolan who rescued me, right?" Johnny closed his eyes.

"Yes, they didn't stay and I'm going to give Roy a piece of my mind when I see him next," Dixie vowed with a vengeance.

"Don't Dixie, not on my account anyway," Gage moved only to hurt worse.

"But Johnny," Dixie protested.

"I don't want to get you into trouble, Dix. I mean it's my problem, not yours," Johnny sighed again. "Don't tell me I get to be admitted too?"

"Yes, you were unconscious Johnny," Dixie patted him on the shoulder. "I'll be back all right. Are you hungry?"

Gage shrugged, "Hey Dixie, I'm always hungry, and besides it will be old home week right?"

"Yeah Johnny, old home week. I'll be back," she brushed his hair and then headed out of the room.

Johnny closed his eyes, wishing he had stayed home, but as usual the thought of being cooped up in his apartment set his teeth on edge. Ever since Joanne had been diagnosed no matter what he did, he felt uneasy and restless, more than usual. Dixie had been kind enough to call him with updates of Joanne's condition. He knew she was breaking the rules and he was responsible. Now his last few days would be spent at home where he would have plenty of time to think.

****

Nolan didn't know if he was angry or hungry since they had left Johnny alone at Rampart. When he saw Roy standing there with the HT and a smug look of indifference on his face he had to hold his tongue.

Now pulling into quarters he knew what waited him in the dayroom. Slamming the door, he quickly made his way to his waiting crew mates.

"So how is he?" Chet approached him, "man, you guys were gone an awful long time."

"Um, Chet as soon as I got there we went back into service," Phil said as Roy walked through the door.

"Back in service? You've got to be kidding me," Chet glared at Roy. "Why in the hell did you do that?"

"I'm hungry. I hope you guys saved us some food," Roy went over to the stove poured some coffee and then checked the oven.

"I'm going to make a phone call," Stanley exited the room along with Chet, Marco, Mike and Phil.

Oblivious to the empty room, Roy made himself some much needed dinner and sat down to eat.

In the office, Hank dialed the hospital and heard a reassuring voice.

"Hello Hank," Dixie said. "I was hoping you'd call," a touch of anger still in her voice.

"How is John?" Stanley had a slight quiver in his voice as his index finger worked around his ink blotter on his desk.

"He's been admitted for observation. Johnny has a slight concussion and some badly bruised ribs. I've already called his Captain and he will be released tomorrow to rest at home," the head nurse was thankful someone had called about her favorite paramedic.

"Good good. One of us will pick him up and make sure his car is taken care of," Hank looked at Chet and Marco who nodded.

"Thanks Dixie," Hank sighed knowing it wasn't life threatening.

"No thank you Hank. I'm glad someone cares. Take care," Dixie held the headset tighter.

"Yeah, we do. Talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye." Dixie hung up the phone as Kell walked her way.

"So?" He stood next to her.

"That was Hank Stanley checking on Johnny." Dixie held tightly onto her pencil.

"Oh?" Brackett watched her face change.

"Kell, Roy DeSoto has no idea how good he has it. I'm glad John Gage is a forgiving man because I'm sure not," She crossed her arms.

"Dixie, stay out of it, please," he grabbed her arm. "As one friend to another."

"All right but it's going to be hard," Dixie pouted.

"Tell me about it. I'm having a hard time too," Kell smiled. "Time for rounds."

****

Driving home, Roy had noticed the coldness from the guys at the station. When he came up for air he noticed he was alone in the day room and his partner was missing. Cleaning up, he found Chet, Marco, Mike and Phil by the hose tower, talking softly. Shrugging he went back in and turned on the T.V.

"Man can you believe Roy?" Chet vented his anger. "I thought he was a good guy—now I'm not so sure."

"Chet, you know Roy has a lot on his mind," Phil volunteered as the men shared looks.

"Yeah but…"

"He has a point you know," Mike spoke up. "He doesn't know, Chet. He isn't supposed to know. Hell, we already broke our promise to Johnny."

"Yeah, and that sucks," Marco kicked the tower. "Oh well, I'm going back to the dorm. Roy can have the dayroom all to himself."

The rest of the men left him alone the rest of the night.

Now driving home Roy felt some guilt about leaving Rampart without checking on his former partner. But deep in his heart, Gage had always been a nut, unpredicted and predictable in some ways.

Opening the door, he felt suddenly very tired and watched as his children hugged him. Sitting down to breakfast, Joanne watched her quiet husband and waited. Once the children were off to school, she cleaned up and waited.

"Roy," she took both his hands.

"Yeah babe?" Roy looked into her eyes and frowned.

"What happened? Bad shift?" Joanne could always tell when something had happened.

"Kinda, we rescued Johnny," Roy said flatly.

"Is he okay?" Joanne had missed Johnny. His easy ways seemed to bring happier times.

"I guess so, Joanne it's just the way John left is still bugging me. I know men transfer, get promotions—I guess I'm still angry at him for the way he left," Roy let out, finally able to figure out things.

"Well then you should go see him," Joanne held her husband's hand and squeezed it. "You know how Johnny can be."

Roy looked at his wife; even now she was concerned with Gage when she was still fighting the cancer. "All right. I'll go and drop by with groceries, he was on vacation and knowing Johnny he never has enough food."

"That's wonderful, Roy. I'm sure Johnny will appreciate it. I love you," she kissed him long and hard.

"Well I'll go later this afternoon. I'm going to take a nap now . . . I'll see you in a little while," Roy kissed her and left with a smile on his face.

*****

Johnny tried to ignore the incessant knocking on his door. He had only been released a few hours ago and Chet wasn't due for a while since he and Marco had gotten his car first.

"Hold you damn pants on, I'm coming," Gage opened the door to see Roy standing there with two bags of groceries. "Roy?!" John's voice went up an octave.


	9. Chapter 9

LOC9

"Roy!"

"Well, aren't you going to invite me in?" Roy grunted, the heavy bags of groceries wearing on his arms. His blue eyes were pleading to be let in.

"Um, yeah sure," Stunned, Johnny let DeSoto in, still shocked at DeSoto showing up on his doorstop and giving him those damned eyes.

The sandy haired paramedic went straight to the kitchen and started putting away food. Roy whistled as he worked, trying to get up the nerve to get the ball rolling.

John stood there in shock for a few minutes watching DeSoto causally put food away. There had been no phone call and no reason for Roy to be there.

DeSoto went about his business as if nothing had happened between them. He was taking the first step to renew their friendship, he thought.

"Figured if you were on vacation you wouldn't have time to get groceries," Roy smiled as he put the food away. "Joanne thought you might need some help and…"

"Stop." Gage finally found his voice and stared at his former partner, scowling. The man still didn't get it; DeSoto was much better off without him and no amount of gestures was going to change it.

"What?" Roy had opened an overhead cupboard with a cereal box in his hand.

"I said stop, Roy. Just what in the hell are you doing here again?" Johnny placed his hands on his hips, his nose flaring and anger in his eyes. He glared at Roy.

Roy turned to see his now mad former partner.

"I said I was . . ." DeSoto stopped putting groceries away. He frowned and grew tense.

"I know what the hell you said, Roy. But I don't need your help or pity," Gage could now feel the heat rising along with the innocent look of his former partner.

"Johnny," Roy again started putting groceries away.

"Listen, I said stop—or don't you hear so well?" Johnny placed his hands on the bar surrounding his small kitchen. "Remember what you said about me, pally? I was a walking disaster, right? The bane and chain of your existence. Did I get that right?" Gage's jaws were tense with each word.

There was silence for a few moments. Roy crossed and uncrossed his arms then left his arms hanging useless at his sides.

"I heard you Johnny," Roy turned again, "Look, I'm only trying to help and . . ."

"Well I don't need your help, pally," Johnny sneered, "but since you're here I forgot to get something from you before I transferred."

"What?" Roy placed his hands on his hips wondering what in the world Gage would have forgotten.

"I want my keys back," John demanded, snapped his fingers and held out his waiting hand.

"Keys? What keys?" Roy knew what he was talking about and felt them burn in his pocket.

"You know what keys, Roy. My keys," John pointed to himself, "to my car and apartment. That's what keys." Gage's brown eyes burned into DeSoto's.

Roy bit his lip; he was looking for reconciliation but now was speechless.

"I know you have them so cough 'em up. Seeing as were no longer partners you don't have to look after my sorry, pathetic butt. Right?" Johnny fumed, his anger barely above the surface, trying to maintain his civility with his former partner.

"Johnny," Roy pleaded his voice soft and calm, like he was talking to a victim.

"I know you have 'em, guess your arms were too full to use when you first got here," John snapped his fingers again with more urgency.

Roy looked at the unexpected anger in his former partner, knowing he should have called but felt Johnny would have blown him off.

"Look Johnny, I was hoping maybe we could talk," Roy laid it out there now seeing what would happen. Roy watched a few emotions wash over Gage's face; some he knew others were foreign to him.

"Talk about what, Roy? Didn't we talk before I transferred?" Johnny still had his hand out waiting for the keys. "I'm done talking."

The door opened. Chet came in and stood frozen at the door.

"Hey Johnny, Roy!" The fireman held onto the door knob firmly.

"IT's okay Chet; DeSoto was just leaving, weren't you?" Johnny said coldly.

Roy reached into his pocket and pulled out a key chain, he carefully removed two keys and then put the chain back into his pocket.

"You know what Johnny, you're still a nut," Roy slammed down the keys on the counter, walked out of the kitchen and headed towards the door. "You're also an ungrateful bastard. I'll see you later Chet," DeSoto slammed the door shut leaving Chet in shock.

"What the hell was that all about?" Chet kept looking at the door, never having seen Roy that mad before.

"Nothing Chet, just nothing," John couldn't take his eyes off the keys on the counter. He had done it and hoped Roy would thank him later.

"John," Chet walked over to the silent and brooding man. "Johnny!"

"Huh, what?" Gage got out of his stupor.

"YOU okay, because right now you look like s—"

"I fell off a damn road Chet, how the hell am I supposed to look?" Johnny stuck his hand in his bathrobe pockets.

"Sorry I asked. Johnny um, you're gonna call me if you need anything, right?" Chet could see Gage was suffering only he wasn't going to mention it. The phantom never kicks his pigeon when he's down, he thought.

"Yeah, Chet, "Johnny grinned, "I'll be okay. Besides I thought you had a date?"

"Yeah, but really Johnny if you're not okay I can . . ."

"What Chet Kelly—cancel a date for me? Is the world coming to an end?" Johnny grinned and laughed.

"Hell no Johnny it's just . . . Okay I'll talk to you later and well, Roy . . ."'

"Just cut Roy some slack, Chet. He's going through a lot of stuff right now," John laid his hand on Chet's shoulder.

"Sure Johnny, anything for you. Um, take care 'kay?" Chet turned and headed out of Gage's apartment.

Roy was still fuming as he sat in his car and went over what the hell had just happened in Gage's apartment. What happened was Johnny just knew how to push his buttons and make him leave. Well Gage had another think coming; he wasn't going to be pushed out so easily. He had time and by damn he was going to make up to Johnny.

Chet still stole glances up at Johnny's apartment, not noticing DeSoto's car parked nearby. It was still a mystery why Johnny had been helping Roy when he knew his former partner had treated him like crap before he left. Johnny had sworn him to secrecy when he delivered the groceries and paid for the pizza, just like the dark haired paramedic requested, but he still didn't know why. Then again, sometimes it was better not to know. Climbing in his car his thoughts turned to his upcoming date and John Gage quickly faded from his mind.

Johnny looked at the keys, the first real evidence of his friendship with Roy DeSoto. Roy had always been a laid back, straight-laced guy to Gage during training and why Roy wanted him for a partner was beyond him. Roy had started calling him junior in training even though DeSoto wasn't much older than him. He resented it and liked it at the same time, seeing his close friends were few and far and between. He had Drew Burke and a few others, enough to fit on one hand and not much more. Station 51 was home to him, but he knew it couldn't last long, nothing good ever lasted long, he had found out. Looking at those keys reminded him of that and an overdue visit. He had someplace to go, now.

DeSoto drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and wondered about turning on the radio when he saw Gage walk down the stairs from his apartment.

"What in the hell are you doing, Johnny?" Roy mumbled knowing Gage shouldn't be going anywhere. He noticed a far away look in his former partner's eyes and decided he would follow him, just as a precaution, in case he got into an accident. Waiting, he discreetly pulled a few cars back from Gage's easily spottable white Range Rover.

Johnny made sure the windows were open as he pulled out of the parking lot of his apartment. Roy just made things harder. Hell, getting to know Roy made things more complicated. He had a best friend, best buddy, and paramedic partner all rolled into one and now he couldn't even look at the guy without feeling guilty as hell.

Enjoying the silence, Gage thought of all the good times he had had with DeSoto and station 51. Thankful he still had the Chet aka the phantom as a close friend. The little secret he and Chet shared would stay a secret. No one knew Chet and he had served a station together and only he knew why Kelly enjoyed getting to him.

Roy watched as they got on the freeway and headed North, he knew the area but had never been this far. Gage kept a decent speed and he watched as he got off an off ramp and DeSoto blindly followed him. However, when the rover turned right into a cemetery, Roy drove past._ What the hell were you thinking DeSoto, you're no Rockford._

****

The sandy haired man's disappointment with Gage quickly faded as Joanne's upcoming surgery was on his mind. However they had both determined to celebrate their wedding anniversary come hell or high-water.

Coming home Roy found Joanne like a giddy school girl and she showed him the gift certificate she had received in the mail. DeSoto couldn't keep the grin off his face knowing they would be celebrating like they never could before.

***********

Phil watched as his partner whistled with a grin plastered on his face walk into the dayroom. Shift would start in ten minutes and he'd swear he hadn't seen a look on his partner's face since he started.

"So Roy, win the lottery or something?" Phil drank his coffee.

"I'll tell you about it after roll call. Let me tell you, it's something all right. Something beautiful," Roy's grin was becoming infectious.

Leaning on the squad after the biophone check and going over supplies, Phil had a hard time waiting for Roy to spill.

"Well?" Phil finally broke down.

Roy looked around to see they were alone.

"You know it was Joanne and my anniversary and I really wanted something special for her, you know," Roy beamed. "Anyway I come home and Joanne won this gift certificate to this expensive restaurant we always wanted to try. Can you believe it?"

Nolan scratched his head and shook his head.

"So we make the reservations, Joanne gets a new dress, the whole nine yards and we go to this place. It's incredible is all I can say," Roy leaned more on the hood. "I mean the service was impeccable, made us feel like kings and queens you know. Joanne and I ate it up," Roy sighed. "We had champagne, caviar and well, anything we wanted—steak and lobster, even. It was just fantastic."

Phil could just imagine where Roy had gotten the gift certificate and wondered how his friend had managed it.

"But the real kicker was we got dessert, well an extra dessert. Joanne just loves chocolate and she'd ordered the chocolate molten cake with vanilla ice cream and," Roy blushed. "Anyway, we get this little cake, you know, enough for two. Shaped just like our wedding cake, but the manager said they served it all the time. Phil, after this Joanne doesn't have a problem with her mastectomy; she knows I love her no matter what happens."

"Yeah Roy, that's great," Nolan looked at his hands wondering if he was going to talk to Johnny again. He had heard once again, overtime was in his picture and his little vacation accident did nothing to slow him down.

Phil frowned.

"Hey partner, I thought you'd be happy for me," Roy walked around the squad to Nolan.

"Oh I am Roy, I am," Phil smiled, but wondered to himself what Gage saw in this guy. He knew Johnny was bending over backwards and wondered if he'd ever appreciate it.

Tones sounded and they were off.

****

As Roy pulled backed into the station, he saw Phil pulls something from his uniform pocket and hold it tightly.

"Hey Roy," Phil smiled and waited for DeSoto to put the squad in park. "Catch."

DeSoto caught the bank book and looked at it. "What's this?"

"Oh partner this is the money from the pancake breakfast. Think it will cover everything!" Nolan smiled knowing it was Gage's doing not his that made the breakfast a huge success.

Opening up the bank book, Roy looked at the large number and whistled. "You made that much?"

"Well buddy there was about four thousand people there, give or take a hundred," Phil sighed, worried Johnny hadn't returned his phone calls.

"Um, Phil looks like I'm not going to need all of it," Roy blushed and wiped his hand over his face. "So I'll take whatever I need and donate the rest to the benevolence fund. If that's okay with you?"

"Sure, well I'm going to clean up," Nolan got out of the cab and headed towards the bathroom.

The sandy haired paramedic kept looking at the balance of the book and wondered if he should have told Nolan someone had been paying down their medical bills. All the accounting department knew was it was paid in cash and nothing more.

****

Roy waited until Joanne was asleep before he left; he looked at the IV and the slow dripping of the pain medication, along with the antibiotics and necessary fluids. Joanne hadn't complained once before or after the surgery. The kids were at the neighbors and now he could head home, knowing his wife made it through surgery. There was still another round of chemo and radiation and then thankfully the cancer would be gone.

Thanksgiving and Christmas would be on the way and he would have a lot to be thankful for.

*****

Dixie was taking a break and decided to check on Joanne DeSoto. It was close to four a.m. as she headed up to the room. The elevator doors opened and she walked quietly in the sleeping ward. Opening the door to the room, she saw the back of a familiar man place the largest bouquet of flowers she had seen in her life. The man looked at a card several times, taking out a pen and putting it back. Sighing heavily, he placed the card unsigned propped in front of the flowers. Turning around, he practically jumped out of his skin.

Johnny quickly headed out of the room, still holding his hand to his chest.

"What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack? It isn't nice to sneak up on people!" He hissed.

"Well Johnny," Dixie crossed her arms, "I thought you were a figment of my imagination."

"Ha ha, very funny," Johnny leaned against the wall and sighed.

"You should have signed the card," the head nurse stated flatly.

"Whose side are you on?" John's eyebrows went up.

"You know Johnny, I know a lot of people in this hospital and us base hospitals get together quite frequently, just like you paramedics do," Dixie's cryptic statement made Gage's heart race.

"So?" Johnny said defensively.

"I was at the pancake breakfast and you'd be surprised at the people I met," Dixie's mouth was in a thin fine line, "You need to talk to Roy, Johnny. Joanne told me what happened at your place." It was then McCall realized Gage was dressed in his uniform. "Going someplace? I thought today was your day off."

Johnny chuckled, stuck his hands in his pockets and headed towards the elevator.

"Johnny, wait," Dixie placed her hand on his forearm. "Whatever it is, talk to somebody. I heard about all the overtime you're working and I'm sure you could get a loan and . . ."

"You wouldn't understand," Johnny's voice was barely above a whisper, "Hell, I don't understand. I'm not killing myself Dixie; I'm following all the department rules and regs on OT. I've got to go," Gage waved as the elevator opened and closed quickly. The next elevator door opened revealing a tired Roy DeSoto.

"Hey Dixie, glad to see you're here. How's Joanne doing?" Roy and Dixie walked towards Joanne's room.

Opening the door, the large bouquet dominated the room and Roy opened the card and sighed.

"Just my mysterious benefactor, I guess," Roy shrugged.

"Mysterious benefactor?" Dixie crossed her arms.

While waiting for Joanne to wake up, Roy told Dixie about the benefactor from the beginning and Dixie opened her mouth just as Joanne woke up.

**Ms. McCall to the ER. Ms. McCall to the ER.**

"Don't go away Roy— I have to talk to you," Dixie walked quickly out of the room. She never got a chance as the ER was swamped the rest of the day.


	10. Chapter 10

LOC10

Coming home from the school Christmas pageant, Roy wrapped his arm closer around Joanne; their life was almost back to normal. Day by day Jo had been getting her strength back and all the tests and x-rays proved her cancer was gone. Yes, they had a lot to be thankful for.

Their benefactor had left for food for Thanksgiving and helped pay off the lingering medical bills. Both parents knew they didn't have enough for Christmas but it would be a small one, knowing their family came first and they had explained this to the children.

As the headlights hit the front of the house, brightly colored paper reflected back at them and the children screamed, "Santa Claus! Santa Claus!"

"Just settle down, please," Joanne turned to the back seat as the car pulled into the driveway.

Two bundles of energy raced from the car and headed towards the front door.

"Looks like our guardian angel has been at it again," Roy smiled.

"Yes, Roy. I just wonder who it is, don't you?" Jo took Roy's arm as they made their way to the porch.

Two large bags of groceries greeted them, along with two large boxes of presents. Both boxes overflowed with brightly colored paper and bows.

"Look, Mommy," Jessica could hardly contain herself. "Look at all the presents!"

"Yes honey I see them, now go in the house. Your father and I will take care of things."

Roy carried the heavy boxes of presents and put them under the tree. Joanne had taken both bags of groceries into the kitchen and then squealed with delight.

The paramedic rushed to the kitchen as his wife showed him champagne, caviar and smoked salmon along with candy for the children's stockings.

It was going to be a good Christmas after all.

****

John stood there looking at the keys on his counter. Somehow he was hoping Roy would have thrown them at him or least put up a bigger fight. He ran his hands over his tired face and sighed heavily.

Being a firefighter and paramedic he ran into burning buildings, saved heart attack victims and sometimes seen so much blood he seemed to be drowning in it, yet his best friend's wife gets breast cancer and he runs away like a fricken, scared kid. No, he deserved this; Roy deserved a better partner and friend than he could ever be.

*****

Christmas day found the DeSoto's up early as Jessica and Chris could hardly contain themselves. Wrapping paper quickly became a big pile, boxes and bows littered the carpeted floor. Christmas music played in the background while Roy snapped photos for the family album. A light rain patted on the windows and Joanne had started a fire in the fireplace. It was a picture perfect Christmas, one she had dreamed of while going through her cancer therapy.

However, she knew someone was missing, someone with an infectious smile and a laugh to make her children smile. Roy was helping Chris with his toys, but Joanne wondered if he felt the missing person too.

****

Gage had decided to work Christmas day, not because he had too, but because he had no desire to sit alone in his apartment. The Stanley's had invited him over but it just didn't feel right. The rain still hadn't let up and now the men with families had brought in an old fashioned turkey dinner. Maybe it would have been better to stay home he lamented, and have his Hungry Man Turkey dinner like he had done before meeting Roy DeSoto.

He was in the dorm, away from all the happy cheerful people. Laying back on his bed he put his hand over his eyes and tried to get some sleep. Sleep, blessed sleep was all he wanted now. No more overtime—Joanne DeSoto had been cleared of her cancer and life went on. Gage snorted and then opened his eyes and sat up.

"Mr. Gage," a brown haired six year old boy looked at him.

"Yes," Johnny groaned as the smell of turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie filled his nostrils and his stomach betrayed him.

"I'm supposed to get you for dinner," the boy offered his hand.

Sighing, Johnny got to his feet and followed the boy into the dayroom. A tree was in the corner and someone had found a station with Christmas music. Putting on a smile, Gage made his way around the room, making sure to be the last person in the buffet.

*******

On the T.V. the DeSoto's were watching Dick Clark's New Years Rocking Eve. Jessica was asleep in Roy's lap and Chris was asleep in Joanne's. They sat on the couch and looked at the revelers in Time Square.

"Life's too short Joanne, we are going to New York for vacation this year!" Roy declared and realized how much he might have lost.

"Roy honey, we don't have to. You know I've always wanted to go to New York but . . ." Joanne sipped her champagne and smiled at her man.

"No, we're going, with the money we got from the pancake breakfast. I'm not going to let life slip by us," he leaned over and gave her a wet, sloppy kiss.

"Roy," Joanne sipped her champagne. "I have an idea. I think we should throw a party, a thank you party for everyone who helped us through my breast cancer. Including the guys at the station, Rampart, well just about everyone."

A smile filled Roy's face.

"Yeah honey, that's great. Maybe our guardian angel well be in the group and we can thank them in person," Roy watched as the ball fell in Times Square. "Happy New Year Babe." Roy kissed his wife deeply, set down the champagne glass and hugged.

Setting down her class, Joanne returned the passionate embrace and then whispered, "Mr. DeSoto let's get the kids to bed and I'll show what New Year is!"

Roy grinned as he carefully lifted Jessica off his lap, turned off the T.V. and pinched his wife's butt as she got up from the sofa.

*****

Truth be known, Johnny had the T.V. for background noise, not paying attention to all the bowl games on the tube. Yesterday he had cleaned his house, did laundry, grocery shopping, cleaners and all the little things he had pushed aside to help the DeSoto's. He had been invited to a New Year's party but his heart just wasn't in it. His whole life had been wrapped up in the Desoto's vicariously and now it was gone.

He pulled the blanket higher and sucked on his now lukewarm beer. He had gotten up to go to the bathroom and took a few pieces of cold pizza for breakfast. One more day and then he would be back on shift, thankful he didn't work New Year's Eve. Gunshot wounds, car accidents and domestic disturbances filled the night on those shifts. Now it was a new year and he had a thought to think about.

What was he going to do?


	11. Chapter 11

LOC11

Johnny had no idea why he was here; Chet had called him and told him to meet him here. For the last few weeks all he did was sleep and with what little energy he had left took care of housekeeping. Now he was playing pool and beating Kelly's ass, but he took no joy in it. Hell, Chet's rantings were getting on his nerves.

"Well, you gonna shoot or not, Gage?" Chet took a long sip of his beer and crossed his arms holding his pool stick closely to his chest.

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking," John looked at the table and the placement of the balls. "Man, why are you so anxious?"

"Nothing. I'm just getting tired of waiting, that's all," Chet stole a quick glance at the front of the place.

"Yeah, right Chet," Gage mumbled under his breath. "Better not be setting me up."

The place had been their usual hangout for the single guys of 51, a pizza place which had pool tables, jukebox and good cheap beer. Smoky and dark, it was comfortable in a way Johnny could never figure out. It had taken Chet a good fifteen minutes to convince him to get out of his apartment with no other reason than he hadn't seen him in awhile.

"Hey Gage, hungry?" Chet's eyebrows went up. "Sorry stupid question, when aren't you hungry?"

Johnny opened his mouth to say something.

"Forget about it. I'm going to order us some wings, beer and pizza. I'm going to the table," the mustached man waved him off, leaving him at the pool table.

Gage knew Chet was up to something, but what he didn't know. The past few weeks he had been taking stock of his life and what he needed to change, knowing it would be hard. John felt it was time to break the ties to 51. Roy had Phil and the guys certainly didn't need him hanging on, besides he needed to get closer to the guys at his station and had considered moving closer, well just moving in general.

Now watching Chet place their order, Johnny's stomach betrayed him, since he hadn't eaten anything but cold cereal earlier in the day. He seemed to inhale food while he was working but once at home, food had no appeal to him.

Putting the pool stick on the table, he found Chet in a back booth and was forced to sit in the back half; feeling squeezed all ready by the burly man.

The waitress brought their food as Marco and Mike walked in. Chet waved wildly and Johnny tried to leave. Two bodies stopped him and he was forced back into the booth.

"Hey John," Marco smiled and Mike waved.

"Long time no see," Mike smiled, but was met with a glare.

Looking at the food, John started to eat, doing anything to not talk.

"So when do you plan on telling Roy?" Chet asked innocently as Gage stuffed another wing and piece of pizza in his mouth, and sucked on his fingers, his eyes never looking at his friends.

"Tell 'em what," John choked out, both sides of his mouth filled with food.

"Tell 'em what?!" Mike laughed. "Tell 'em you're their guardian angel is what."

Johnny threw down his wing and pizza and sighed heavily.

"I thought I could trust you," Gage's words hung as each man looked at the table. "I swore you to secrecy and you break that promise." He clenched his jaws, his brown eyes filled with hurt and anger.

"Hey John, we're sorry," Marco seemed deeply hurt. "It just slipped out."

John turned to Chet. "Yeah, I'm sure it just slipped out." He brows furrowed and his mouth in a thin tight line, wishing he had never asked for help.

"Hey, we were just pissed at the way Roy acted when he rescued you, man." Chet defended himself pulling at his moustache.

"And one thing led to another," Mike finished.

"Yeah, and I thought you guys were my friends," Johnny went quickly back to eating, making sure to cover his face with sauce from the wings and then spilled beer on himself.

"Well let me out!" John whined.

"But Johnny, we have a lot to talk about," Marco eyed his friend warily.

"Well I need to get cleaned up or . . ."

Chet reluctantly eased out of the booth and Gage moved cautiously not to touch anything. He quickly disappeared into the darkness and left the men talking.

"Now see what you did Chet," Marco glared at Chet. "If you hadn't said a damn thing."

"Well I don't think it's fair. You know Gage has been working his ass off for DeSoto without as much as a thank you and with the party coming up," Chet hissed and looked again for Gage.

"Why do you think he swore us to secrecy Chet?" Mike's head swished back and forth." Do you think he had his reasons?"

"Yeah what reasons?" Chet again looked for their errant friend. "Johnny never told us why he transferred or where he transferred just that he needed help after he got banged up. Besides, you know this wasn't the first time he did it for Roy either."

The men talked for a few more minutes and saw John still hadn't appeared. Getting nervous, Chet went to the men's room only to find Gage gone.

"Hey," the cute waitress looked at Chet, "you looking for your friend?"

"Yeah, yeah I am," Chet scratched his head.

"Well he left ten minutes ago and told me to tell you don't call, and he left ten dollars for the bill."

Chet's mouth stayed open and in shock until he was surrounded by his other friends.

"Oh man Chet—what in the hell did you do?" Mike glared and felt like punching the weasel.

"Man," Marco shook his head. "It's bad, man."

Johnny watched T.V. He would go back to work tomorrow, thankful for the reprieve and the first break with his old friends.

A knock on the door, however, stopped his thinking.

Opening up the door he found Mrs. Greenblatt.

"Hello Mrs. Greenblatt," Johnny smiled at the older, grandmotherly type woman.

"Oh Johnny it's good to see you home," she smiled at him. "No more overtime?"

"No more overtime," Johnny leaned against the door; he was tired.

"Good. Good. You'll come over for dinner then?" Mrs. Greeblatt was a widow. She had made Gage's acquaintance when he moved into the building.

"Um not tonight. I work tomorrow," Johnny gave a half grin.

"Soon then?" Greenblatt sounded hopeful.

"Yes Mrs. Greeblatt soon. Good night," Johnny started to close the door.

"Good night," She leaned over and kissed him on his cheek, her dark red lipstick leaving her mark on his downcast face.

"Good morning, good morning, good morning," Johnny plopped a pink box full of doughnuts on the dayroom table. Carl, Ron and Mark were already there in their uniforms ready to start the shift for Station 43 based in Culver City. Even the long morning drive did nothing to deter the paramedic's mood. He had done some heavy thinking the last few days.

Carl Bing, his paramedic partner looked up. "You all right, partner?"

"Me?" Gage pointed to himself grinning. "Yeah I'm just fine. What about you?" He reached in grabbed a jelly doughnut and dug in after he poured himself some coffee. He was all ready dressed and ready for his shift.

"Well I don't know haven't seen you so happy since, hell I don't know when," Carl smiled. Just twenty one, he seemed like a child to Gage but they were good friends.

"Anyway, you still have a slot for the Vegas bowling league?" Johnny inhaled his donut and then finished his coffee.

Carl sat there dumbfounded; he had just relayed the information in passing just so Johnny wouldn't make a fuss later.

"Um, yeah sure, didn't think you'd be interested is all," Carl stood up as they walked towards the bay.

"Sure I'm interested," Johnny got offended. "What, didn't think I'd support you or something?" Gage could see the hurt in his partner's eyes. "Look Carl, I'm sorry if . . ."

Gage stopped talking as Captain Bill Halliard came into view. Both Ron and Mark the hose jockeys came in and Sean McMurry the engineer was already leaning on the engine.

"Nice to see everyone here on time, and Gage thanks for the doughnuts," Halliard winked at him. "Seeing as you're in such a great mood I think you'll do the cooking today."

"Not a problem Cap, not a problem, besides I want to try a new recipe," Johnny grinned and tried to think of his new future, knowing he had neglected his shift mates.

"Well, good," Cap assigned other duties.

After the radio check, Johnny suggested a supply run to St. Francis, using it as an excuse to talk to his much neglected partner.

Once in the cab, Gage turned to the younger man and sighed as they drove to the hospital.

"Man, Carl I'm really sorry about everything," Johnny watched traffic. "I know I haven't been the greatest partner for the, hell ever since I got here and well, the thing of it is, I want to make it up to you. I mean if I haven't totally blown it."

Carl looked at his mentor and partner; he had learned a lot from this man and knew how worried he had been about his friend and former partner. He wished Gage would only be half as devoted to him as he was to Roy DeSoto.

"Hey Johnny, it's no big deal. I mean I don't know how I'd handle my best friend's wife having breast cancer. Roy's just lucky to have a friend like you is all," Carl watched as John frowned and his demeanor change.

"Hey man, um thanks for being so understanding," Johnny started backing the squad in. Once the squad stopped, Gage looked seriously at his partner. "I was being a real jerk to you and I was surprised you didn't knock some sense into me."

"But . . ." Carl started.

"Let me finish," Johnny held his hand to his chest. "You deserved a better partner than me, hell, sometimes I wonder why you didn't report for some of the things I said. I'm ashamed of how I treated you. I was taught better and anyway, if you'll still have me I'd love to be on the bowling league since I haven't been to Vegas in awhile."

"All right Johnny, good deal. Besides you treated me okay, don't be so hard on yourself. I'll sign you up for the league. Man are we going to win!" Carl grinned, warming Gage's heart.

Dixie McCall, head nurse at Rampart, looked at the clock and the day of the week. On a hunch she dialed a number and got a sleepy reply.

"Hullo," John kept his eyes closed; his last shift had been a bitch and his voice raspy from the few fires he had fought in the wee hours of the morning.

"Hello handsome," Dixie's smooth sultry voice made John try to open his tightly sleep filled eyes.

"Dixie?" Johnny yawned, still unable to open his eyes to just slits.

"The one in the same. What are you doing tomorrow?" Dixie looked down at the chart at her workstation.

"Um, nothing why?" Gage yawned again.

"How about lunch?" the nurse asked causally.

"Lunch?" John's tired brain still unable to process the information.

"Yes Johnny lunch, food. Something you know all too well," Dixie laughed.

"Um yeah sure," Gage now sat up in bed his brain working overtime. "Um how about The Crab Shack on 14th?" Not wanting to run into anybody he knew.

"The Crab Shack? Isn't that expensive?" Dixie was aware of a fireman's salary.

"Um, okay. How about Donnie's on Main and 25th?" John gave another alternative.

"Much better. Noon tomorrow then?" Dixie smiled, knowing she would see her favorite paramedic again.

"Sure, noon tomorrow," John said goodbye, placed the handset down and went back to sleep.

John had purposely arrived late to see Dixie already in a booth. He knew about this diner because a year ago he had helped put out a grease fire, a year which seemed an eternity ago. Waving, he made his way over to the booth.

"Hey Dixie," John slid in across from here, wearing jeans and his plaid shirt; he stuck on a somewhat happy face seeing the nurse from his past life.

"Hi, for a minute there I thought you wouldn't show," Dixie smiled and reached for Gage's hand.

Keeping his hands in his lap, he looked at his friend and head nurse at Rampart's ER. He had a new nurse to get used to, Millie Hendricks. She was older than Dixie but still a friend when he needed one.

"What, and get you mad?" Johnny grinned. "Wouldn't dare to."

The waitress showed up and they both ordered. John ordered hamburger, fries and coffee. Dixie ordered a Cobb salad and iced tea. The waitress brought their drinks and then silence ensued.

"So, how are you doing Johnny?" Dixie sipped on her tea not taking her eyes off her friend.

"Doing great Dixie, just great and you?" Johnny took a sip of his hot coffee looking into his cup for answers.

"Just fine. I don't know if you heard or not but the DeSoto's are thinking of throwing a party for everyone who helped them last year," Dixie smiled and looked at John.

Before he could open his mouth lunch was served and the paramedic dug in. Dixie watched him carefully noting the frown on his face and still tired eyes. She had heard he had worked some overtime over the holidays but then stopped. Base station hospitals kept in touch and she had made sure to get to know Millie better.

Finishing a fry, Gage wiped his mouth and looked at the nurse.

"Well, Roy always had class Dixie," John stated with no hint of emotion.

"Yes, of course, Roy wanted to know everyone who helped him out," Dixie took a bite of her egg and saw Gage stuff his mouth with food. "And thank them properly."

Johnny continued to eat in blissful ignorance and waited for the nurse's next move.

"I saw you put the flower arrangement in Joanne's room, Johnny," the nurse said quietly.

Gage looked up, "I don't think I deserve an invitation for that, do you Dix?" He grinned hoping to distract his serious companion.

"No, not for that Johnny. You know I know a lot of people at Rampart," Dixie stabbed at her salad.

Gage nodded still more interested in his fries than the conversation.

"Especially in accounting, seems someone has been making payments on the DeSoto's behalf," her blue eyes penetrated his.

"Oh, Roy's one lucky guy then. Heard he had a hard time fighting the insurance company," Gage replied back without a hint of knowledge and continued eating.

"Roy is thinking of having the party sometime in the spring, when the weather's better," Dixie still waited for some sign from the now quiet paramedic.

"Well like I said Dixie, Roy has a lot of class, is all. I'm sure you'll have a good time and Dixie, I didn't want to get you into trouble and it stays between you and me," Johnny pointed to her and himself. "I appreciate you keeping me in the loop and all, but you don't need to do that anymore, seeing as I transferred and Joanne is good now."

"Johnny, I could tell Roy if you're not going to," Dixie upped the ante seeing her favorite paramedic wasn't biting.

"Tell 'em what Dixie?" Johnny put down his hamburger and angrily wiped his messy hands. "What did I do? Was I there for the treatments, did I help Roy in any shape or form? No, all the doctors, nurses and the guys at the station helped. I just got lucky to hear what was going on," Johnny sighed seeing it was a losing battle and he no longer had an appetite. "I have to go Dixie, thanks for seeing me again." He stood up and threw his napkin on his plate and picked up the bill.

"Wait, Johnny," Dixie slid out of the booth.

"I'll pay for lunch and Dixie, best you forget about me, 'kay?" Gage waved and she watched him pay for lunch as tears threatened to run down her face.

"Damn you John Gage, one way or another Roy DeSoto is going to hear about this," the nurse vowed as she watched Gage's Rover head out of the parking lot.


	12. Chapter 12

LOC12

Johnny smiled while at the bowling alley. He had promised Carl he'd be there, however he didn't count on the interleague competition. Somewhere he would run across his former shift mates from 51. Not all the shifts participated but he knew the Phantom did and hoped things would remain civil. Chet had called numerous times but the paramedic refused to call back. He had too much to lose with the guys at 43, not knowing how long they had been suffering and not telling him.

"Hey Johnny, smile," Carl patted him on the shoulder. "We're supposed to be having fun and killing these guys at the same time."

Gage sipped at his beer, "Guess I'm outa practice."

"Yeah—well let's show these guys who knows to bowl!!" Carl smiled and patted John on the shoulder, boosting his confidence. He had seen his paramedic partner grow quieter after the first of the year, no longer bragging about his former partner, Roy DeSoto or their spectacular rescues. Fact was, he was worried is outgoing partner was changing, and not for the better. Hearing he wanted to join the bowling team meant the old John Gage was back, for good.

Getting up from the seat, the paramedic took his ball, lined up, and watched as it went to the gutter. He had been way out of practice and his shoulders slumped as he saw the ball miss the pins. He could hear the moaning of his team mates as well.

After the game Johnny felt bad. He had really sucked at bowling, since he hadn't touched a ball since concentrating on the DeSoto's.

"Sorry I let you guys down," Gage frowned and finished his beer. "Sure you want to keep me on the team?"

"Of course, so you had an off night," Carl grinned.

"Hell Carl, I've had an off year," Johnny lamented.

"No man, you're cool," Carl laughed. "Let me buy you a beer."

"Sure, sure you can buy me a beer," Gage smiled again, knowing he still had friends.

Roy whistled with the radio as he drove into the yard of the station. Taking two boxes out he made his way into the locker room. Quickly changing he deposited one box in the squad and headed into the dayroom, thankfully finding most of B-shift there.

"Morning," Roy smiled as he started pulling out invitations for the DeSoto thank you bar-b-que.

"What's this?" Dwyer looked at the invitation since the DeSoto's tended to be less formal.

"Well it's an official invitation to a thank you party, for Joanne and all the rest of us. If it wasn't for you guys don't think I woulda made it," Roy grinned at seeing the confusion on the man's face.

"Yeah, well, you're welcome," Dwyer looked at DeSoto, "and since you're here I'm gone since I see the rest of the crew showing up. See ya later." Bert quickly exited.

The blonde quickly found B shift and distributed the invitations. He felt giddy because life had truly returned to normal at the DeSoto household. With a clean bill of health, Joanne quickly resumed her duties and Roy found out he liked helping her out. Their marriage had grown stronger and their children too. Chris and Jessica no longer took their mother for granted and Roy watched in amazement seeing how mature his children had become.

Sighing, he watched as the rest of his shift come in. Chet, Marco and Mike were sharing some joke as Phil came in, a serious look on his face. They all went for coffee not realizing he had watched them.

"Ahem," Roy announced himself and looked at his friends. The paramedic began distributing the invitations; he was saving Phil's for last.

"What's this?" Chet eyed the invitation suspiciously.

"Why don't you open it and find out?" Roy couldn't believe Chet's childishness.

"An invitation? Kinda fancy, huh Roy?" Chet again looked at him.

"Well it's special. We're celebrating Joanne's clean bill of heath and thanking everyone who helped, that's all," DeSoto explained it to the crew.

The rest opened their invitations and looked at each other, something passing between them, perhaps a secret, but Roy shrugged it off and continued as Captain Stanley made his way in.

"Hey Cap," Roy handed him an invitation. "It's official. A month from now, the biggest, baddest annual DeSoto bar-b-que ever!"

"Well thanks pal," Stanley exchanged looks with his crew.

Roy again thought he wasn't in with the joke but shrugged it off. He had a special invitation for Phil, glad the man came in early.

"I suggest we get changed, roll call in 15 minutes," Stanley announced as he was all ready changed.

The men made a fast exit to the locker room, Mike, Marco and Chet dressed silently and left Phil and Roy alone.

Phil felt bad Johnny wasn't here since he obviously deserved an invitation.

"So Phil, how'd your days off go?" Roy started conversation.

"Same old, same old," Phil sighed, thinking of the multiple phone calls he and Trudi had received from their mothers. "Yours?" Nolan returned in kind, knowing Roy and Joanne were planning the big shindig.

"Oh, same old, same old. Kid's fighting, housework, you know," Roy grinned, happy about the return to normal life.

"Yeah, we'd better get out there," Phil patted Roy on the back and they both headed to the bay.

After duties were assigned, Roy did the biophone check while Phil checked the drug box for supplies. He could see his partner was anxious to get to Rampart, no doubt to distribute more invitations.

"Ready partner?" Roy asked as he slid the biophone back in its slot as Phil put the drug box back.

"Yeah sure," Phil grinned as he climbed into the cab and they were off.

"Big box there partner," Nolan was surprised at the shoe box sitting next to him.

"Lots of people to thank, especially you," Roy grinned.

Phil wriggled in his seat knowing Roy thought he had something to do with his guardian angel as his daughter Jessica called them. It had been after a really bad scene and Roy told him all about the mysterious gifts he had received and looked very pointedly at him. Nolan knew the truth but how could he betray one friend for another?

Thankfully, they pulled up to Rampart. Roy grabbed the box and Phil took the supply list. Going into the busy ER, DeSoto had a determined look as he met doctors and nurses, pulling out invitations from the box. He smiled as he passed them out and headed to his favorite head nurse.

"Good morning Dixie," Roy gave her a big toothy grin and with a flourish handed her an invitation. "This is for you for all your help during this last year."

"Yeah, Roy is passing them out like candy," Phil smiled as the nurse opened the invitation.

"First Annual?" Dixie looked at the laid back paramedic.

"Yep, we decided to make it a tradition seeing as Joanne will be going for yearly checkups. We took a lot for granted, you know," Roy sighed heavily and looked at Phil, "and if it wasn't for my partner here I'd think I'd go crazy."

"Roy, Phil," Kel Brackett walked over to the base station for coffee.

"Just the man I wanted to see," Roy pulled out an invitation as Doctors Morton and Early showed up. "Perfect timing. Hey partner, you don't mind if I slip upstairs and drop some more of these off?" The doctors disappeared leaving Phil and Dixie alone at the base station.

"No go ahead, you keep the HT in case we're needed," Phil leaned on the counter as Roy disappeared along with the doctors.

"So, did you get your invitation?" Dixie looked at the reflective paramedic and bit her lower lip.

"Oh yeah, don't you know I'm the guest of honor," Phil leaned both arms on the counter feeling the weight of his burden. "Roy's got it in his head that I'm some guardian angel, you know for all the things like the pancake breakfast."

"Oh," Dixie's blue eyes pierced his. "And you know who the 'angel' is?"

Standing up Phil looked at the nurse and had a feeling she knew.

"Of course I know who it is, Dixie. Who else could it be?" Phil hunched his shoulders and licked his lips. "Problem is how can I tell Roy without hurting J- "Nolan saw his partner, arms loaded rushing towards him.

"Got to go Phil, grab the stuff. See ya later Dixie," Roy waved.

John had barely gotten to sleep with the pounding on his door. He hoped it wasn't a neighbor needing help; ever since he moved his neighbors found out he was a paramedic he seemed to be at their beck and call. Last shift had been nothing but runs until the wee hours of the morning.

Throwing on a robe, the exhausted man opened the door to see Chet standing there.

"Well aren't you goin' to invite me in Johnny?" Chet asked casually.

In shock he let the fireman in. "How the hell did you find out where I live?" Gage was pissed. He valued his privacy and this man from his past found his way back in.

"Man, is that anyway to treat a friend? You know I called to find your number disconnected. Did I tell you I have an aunt who's an operator? Besides this is for you," Kelly thrust his invitation at Gage.

Taking it John noticed it was addressed to Chet. "This is yours."

"Should be yours pal, open it already," Kelly's impatience was showing as he tapped his foot on the floor and played with his mustache.

"All right, I just got up and it better be good," Reading the invitation Gage kept looking at it, then at Chet. "This has your name on it Chet, not mine, can't you read?"

"Yeah Johnny I can read, but it belongs to you. You know Roy is making Phil Nolan some special guest of honor? Can you believe that crap? You deserve it, man. You and all those groceries, pizza and whatnot."

"Groceries? Chet it was one time, pally. Not any more and . . ." Gage could see he wasn't convincing his former shift mate. "Seriously Chet, you think I'm crazy or something?"

Chet grinned broadly. "You had to ask Gage? Of course you're fricken' crazy! Who else would take care of Roy after what he did to you."

"Chet just shut up, you have no idea what you're talking about and . . ."

"No I won't Johnny, and it just wasn't 'one time', man. There was a guy at the pizza place talking about a standing order and then there was hot chick that had a thing for you, man. So I know it was more than once. Hell, Gage, you know I talked to Mike and Marco. Please man, you've got to come and tell Roy. The guy thinks its Phil," Kelly stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at his friend.

Shoving back the invitation, John sat dejectedly on his sofa, ran his hands through his hair and looked at the confused Irishman.

"Chet look, I wasn't there for Roy like Phil was. I mean Phil was there for everything, and . . . well let's just say he deserves it, not me. So will you please get out of here and don't tell anyone my new address." Johnny waved Chet off.

"Well I'm not going to take no for an answer Gage, and I'll tell Roy if I have to," Chet threatened quickly leaving his friend in misery. He was the only one who knew Gage had moved to be closer to his new station. Kelly didn't know, maybe it was more, but again he didn't know what. If John didn't show up he was bound and determined to tell Roy who their "guardian angel" had been.

Phil watched a very tired John Gage walk up his driveway. Nolan knew he was one of the few people Gage had given his new address and phone number to. It had taken him a half an hour to convince his friend to come to a long overdue dinner.

"Hey Johnny," Phil smiled and patted his friend on the back. "Glad you could make it."

"Yeah," Gage yawned; he'd had another sleepless night plagued by the things his old nemesis had said.

"Well dinner maybe a while—want a beer?" Nolan figured a beer might loosen up his uptight friend. Opening up the small refrigerator in the garage he pulled out a nice cold brew.

"Sure, why not," Johnny took the beer gratefully, took off the cap and tossed it in nearby trash can, and took a nice long swallow.

Sitting on a lawn chair, Johnny eyed his friend warily. Too much stuff had gone down between them and he had a feeling why Phil was so adamant he come over.

"So how are things Johnny?" Phil looked over his beer at his tired friend.

"Same old, same old Phil. Nothing's new," Johnny took another long sip of his beer.

"Well you moved Johnny, that's new," Phil sounded hurt since Gage didn't ask him to help move.

"Closer to the station Phil, besides it was time, neighbors were getting to be a drag, you know," Johnny started pulling at the label of the beer.

'Um, yeah Johnny. You may have heard the DeSoto's are having this party, you know as a thank you," Phil stuttered, his face turning red in the process. "And the thing is, I think you should be there."

Johnny said nothing, but kept pulling the label off the bottle.

"Didn't you hear me?" Phil got up out of his chair and stood next to Gage's.

Gage finished his beer, set the bottle on the floor, and stood up.

"Yeah, I heard you," John stood nose to nose to his friend and then took a step back. "But you're forgetting a couple of things there, pally."

"Like what?" Nolan was confused, knowing it had been Gage all the time helping Roy out. He knew they had been best friends, buddies, because the paramedic had told him.

"Well for one thing, I wasn't invited and I don't crash parties," John stated with finality. "Second, I wasn't there Phil, not for any of it. It was you all this time."

"Not there? Not there?" Phil was frustrated and angry. "What about the groceries, pizza, the kids birthday, Joanne's wig—man, I could go on and on."

Johnny was livid. _Didn't he get it? I'm a fricken' coward._

"You don't understand, Phil. I wasn't there," he pointed at his friend. "You were, every step of the way. Me, I've transferred—I've moved on."

"No you haven't, Johnny. God, you've proven that more than you know. Trudi knows someone who works in the accounting department at Rampart," Nolan wanted to let Gage know he knew everything.

The paramedic's jaw was set. "Phil, I thought you were my friend, but I guess I was wrong. I'll be seeing ya," Johnny turned on his heel, leaving the stunned man.

"JOHNNY! JOHNNY!" Phil ran to the retreating Rover and his friend. "Aw hell Johnny, what did you have to do that for?"


	13. Chapter 13

LOC13

It was the Saturday before the big party and Roy was in the front yard getting it ready. Mowing completed he was working on the edging when his next door neighbor came over.

Mrs. Fishburn was a dotty, old, nosy neighbor who seemed to know everyone's business. She was dressed in a hideous green slack suit and she was hunched over. Roy barely tolerated her and her efforts to ingratiate herself into his family

"Good morning Mr. DeSoto," the woman's smiled, her bright red lipstick a contrast to her coffee stained teeth.

"Good morning Mrs. Fishburn," Roy continued to do his edging until Mrs. Fishburn refused to move. "Can I help you?" the sandy haired man leaned on the edger.

"Yes you can Mr. DeSoto. You see I wonder if you could give me the name of your grocery delivery service," she took out a small notebook and pen from her jacket pocket.

"Delivery service?" Roy scratched his head.

"Yes, the young man you work with seemed to be moonlighting. Helped me with my ankle once, sad young man. Anyway, I'm getting up there and can't always get to the market and wondered if you had the number," she smiled again, a touch of bright red lipstick on her front teeth.

"Well I'm sorry ma'am that wasn't a delivery service, just a friend of mine helping me and my family out," Roy smiled thinking of Phil.

"Yes, well the dark haired man was way too skinny in my opinion. Thank you for your time," Mrs. Fishburn waved and Roy got back to yard work.

Giddy was the only way Roy could describe himself at this very moment. His life or rather life was back to normal. No more doctor appointments, chemo or radiation therapy. Joanne was healthy and his children whole and today they were celebrating life with his friends.

Kissing his wife hard she woke up and stretched and hugged him hard.

"All right babe. Time to get up and get to work!" She smiled and his heart skipped a beat.

The party would start at one p.m. without an ending time. The DeSoto's had gotten a sitter so the adults could have fun. One of the bedrooms had been set up for sleeping children, the food was prepared, music chosen and adult beverages in good supply along with appropriate drinks for children.

The party was in full swing, and Roy was relaxed enough to make his announcement.

"Guys and gals I'd like to make an announcement," DeSoto watched as his friends and family came closer with Joanne at his side and his arm wrapped around her. He had already had a few beers to loosen him up besides he had reason to celebrate.

"First of all I want to thank each and every one of you for all your help to me and my family this past year," Roy drew Joanne closer hugging her tighter, "thank you doesn't even begin to cover all the help and support we've gotten from you since my wife was diagnosed. She has a clean bill of health thanks to all of you." DeSoto beamed at his assembled guests. "However there is one person I want to thank in particular."

People looked around waiting for something or someone to show up.

"I'd like to thank Phil Nolan. Come on up Phil," DeSoto motioned with his free arm as a bashful, blushing paramedic may his way up.

Nolan stood there, uncomfortably, swaying from side to side and his hands firmly planted in his jean pockets.

"He was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on and if wasn't for the fantastic pancake breakfast fund raiser I just don't know what Joanne and I would have done," Roy walked over and held out a hand, Nolan responded in kind and Roy gave him a quick bear hug. Joanne hugged him with tears in her eyes.

"Let's give him a round of applause!" Roy smiled a big wide grin as the guests. Their guests clapped as Phil turned ten shades of red and quickly hurried back to his friends.

Roy watched as people thumped Phil on the back and then walked to the barbecue for a second round of food. He put chicken, steak and burgers on and watched everyone having fun.

"Hey Roy," Phil came over quietly.

"Yeah partner," Roy grinned as he flipped the burgers.

"Don't ya think you laid it on a bit thick back there?" Phil again tried to find away to tell Roy the truth.

"Phil, that wasn't even close for what you did. Words escape me on what a difference you made in our lives," DeSoto patted his friend on the shoulder. "Well I guess I need to grill some more food."

"Yeah well," Phil stood there unable to tell Roy the truth. He left and headed over toward his wife and a small crowd of people.

Chet could barely contain his anger. Here Phil was taking the praise for all the hard work Gage had done. Quickly making his way over, Kelly grabbed Nolan's forearm and led him away from the crowd.

"Just what the hell was that about?" Chet hissed, his hand grabbing harder on Nolan's arm.

"Chet," Phil hissed and whispered back. "Don't you think I've been trying to tell Roy for the past week I wasn't his fricken' angel."

"You did?!" Kelly released his arm.

"Yeah, and he wouldn't believe me Chet. Kept giving me a goofy grin and nodded like I was playing a joke or something," Nolan kicked at the lawn. "What else can I do?"

"Well hell, I'll do it since you're such a damn wimp is what," Chet tugged on his mustache and headed over to the blond paramedic.

Nolan released his arm from Chet's killer grip and walked away.

"Roy," Chet met the beaming man.

"Yeah, Chet?"

Chet watched as Roy put lighter fluid on the coals and took a match to it. The coals flamed up and DeSoto turned to his shift mate. By now the guests had dissipated leaving Kelly and DeSoto relatively alone.

"You know, um, that was something you did for Phil," the Phantom had lost his nerve.

"Yeah, well Phil did a lot for us and I wanted him to know it," Roy looked at his downcast shift mate. "You okay Chet? You know this is a party."

"Yeah it is. Think I'll grab another brew!" Chet left his hands in his pocket.

Roy watched him walk away, something niggling him at the back of his brain knowing there was something else on Kelly's mind other than the party.

The daylight had turned to twilight and Roy was still enjoying himself. Playing host he took a bottle of red wine and walked around his guests.

"Hey Dixie," Roy poured some more wine into her glass.

"Roy," Dixie bit her lower lip, "about Phil."

"Yeah isn't he a great partner? I mean the way he helped us was incredible. I guess I was damn lucky to get him as a new partner huh?" He finished pouring the wine and turned to go.

"Roy," Dixie took a hold of Roy's free hand. She thought of the tired and careworn former partner and knew if she said something she could easily she would hurt two dear friends.

"Yeah," Roy turned to the head nurse some confusion on his face.

"Um, Roy . . . it's a great party," Dixie smiled thinking of where the real angel was.

"Glad you're enjoying it," DeSoto turned again, that was the fourth person who had such a serious expression on their face and then told him it was a great party. First Chet, then Phil, Hank and now Dixie. Shrugging, he headed back to put the wine in the fridge.

By now the party was dwindling down to the hard core partiers. Most of the guests with children had left and now ten of them were sitting in lawn chairs enjoying the night air and the last of the food.

"Honey," Joanne leaned towards her slightly drunk husband. "We need some more wine."

"Anything for you my sweet," Roy kissed both her hands and got up from the chair.

Once in the semi-darkened house, the drunken man made his way to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine. Coming out he noticed the front door of the house was open. Turning on the entry light he saw his former partner and friend.

"Johnny?" Roy blinked a few times taking in Johnny. Gage's face was splotchy, his eyes red and puffy and a look he couldn't describe washed over his former partner's face.

"Hey Roy," Johnny's voice was barely above a whisper, he had one foot on the porch another inside the house. His face was full of indecision.

"Kinda late aren't you?" Roy leaned against the wall, still grasping tightly to the bottle of wine.

"You might say that," Johnny tried to smile.

"But hell, come join the party," Roy motioned to join him in the backyard.

"I'm sorry Roy. I'm really sorry," Johnny forced out.

"Sorry for being late? Don't worry about it, Johnny," DeSoto's voice slurred a bit.

"Roy honey," Joanne called into the house. "Please get some dip."

Roy turned to his wife. "I'll be there in a minute," and turned back to an empty entry.

Shrugging, he closed the door, locked it and turned off the light. He headed again back into the kitchen and back to the party.


	14. Chapter 14

LOC14

The next few days were hard for Phil. Both mothers had been sick leaving him and Trudi glued to the phone. Being from the Bay area they had taken a chance coming to Los Angeles and making a new life.

"Honey what are we going to do?" Trudi held tightly to her husband's hands.

"Babe, we've been through this. You know we can't afford to hop on a plane and go to Frisco every time something happens to one of our mothers,' Phil frowned, feeling like a number one heel.

"We'll have to work something out is all," Trudi smiled. "We will, I know we will."

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As Roy cleaned up from the party he wondered if John Gage had really been there. The last time he had seen him was after his accident and the returning of his keys. He had tried to do John a favor being his partner and this was the thanks he got. Gage said he was late, late for what he just didn't know. What he did need was some more aspirin as he was paying for his indulgence the previous night.

He thought of his friends who had been there for them. He really couldn't believe Phil wasn't their 'angel'. Who else knew everything about him but his paramedic partner and buddy?

Whistling, he continued to clean up the mess and think of his good fortune of having a decent partner instead of an anal retentive jerk like Craig Brice or a nut like John Gage.

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Johnny knew the Vegas trip was coming up but right now he didn't feel like it. The last three shifts had been hell and he hadn't been sleeping. What had he hoped to gain showing up at the DeSoto's party? He wasn't invited and didn't even merit being there. His head pounded and once at home he barely ate.

Maybe the pressure from Dixie and Chet had done it, but again, Phil had been there for Roy, he had been a coward running as quickly as he could from his best friend and buddy. So was he expecting a parade when he arrived at his former friend's house? He wasn't invited, let alone welcome and someday he hoped Roy would see it his way.

Going to the cemetery after bowling hadn't been smart, but he felt some comfort being there. Lately his dreams had been filled with his parents and the happy times they spent together. He woke up one night screaming for his mother as she seemed to fade into the walls.

The only other person who knew about his parents was dead. His good friend Drew Burke had died and he was glad he had the fortune of meeting him in high school. Thoughts turned to Drew's death and his vain efforts to save his friend, a few lost moments with talking to Rampart and Burke had died. He could still remember telling Pam about his death and how he told Roy how he wished Roy had the dreaded duty. _Weakness of character. No human, DeSoto had retorted. No it was weakness of character because I ran away again._

Now he felt alone again, Carl was too wet behind the ears and he really couldn't talk about it. Vegas was what he needed, something to get away from the pressing demands of life and the aftermath. The bright neon nights, the pinging of the machines and the happy sounds of people, alive were what he needed.

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"Hey Johnny," Carl looked at his tense partner.

John continued to stare as they drove back to the station, his mind somewhere else.

"Johnny!" Carl said a little louder.

Carl got no response until Gage backed the squad into the station, and then touched him gently on the arm.

Gage jumped. "Why'd the hell did you do that?" John turned angrily.

"Sorry partner, you seem a million miles away. It wasn't a bad run you know," Carl smiled as he saw John's smile surface.

"Sorry pally, just have lots of things on my mind is all. I didn't mean to take it out on you," Johnny replied, still finding it tough to concentrate.

"Hey man, it's cool. I don't know about you but I'm starving," Carl slid out of the cab and shut the door.

Johnny got out slowly his whole body ached, but then these last few rescues had required a lot of rope work and a lot of water. Besides next few weeks was Vegas, baby and he was looking forward to that.

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Roy looked at his distracted partner. Oh, he was there when it counted but lately Phil had seemed distant; hell the whole damn crew seemed distant. He had noticed it after the party. Their first shift back there was no energy and everyone seemed to go their own way.

"Hey Phil, you all right?" DeSoto asked as he backed in the squad. "Look Phil, did I do something wrong here? I mean ever since the party I felt kinda odd man out, you know."

Phil looked at his concerned partner. Oh, he knew the reason the guys had given Roy the cold shoulder; they like him, were torn between good friends. However, Phil couldn't imagine how his partner could have been so clueless as to his guardian angel. Worst was how Roy had assumed it was him; he barely knew the guy and here he was foisting this damn thing on him.

"Roy it's not that," Phil leaned on the dashboard. "I have some family things and I need to think, 'kay?"

"Family things. Hell Phil, what do you need? I mean after what you've done for us, just ask," Roy smiled hoping to do the same for his partner.

"Look Roy. I don't know where you got it your head I was your damn guardian angel but it wasn't me," Nolan pointed to himself. "It couldn't be me. I mean I didn't even know you until I transferred, plus you embarrassed the hell out of me at your party."

"Phil, please—that wasn't my intention, it's just . . ." Roy couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I know Roy, I kinda understand where you were coming from. I just hoped you'd believe me. If I was you I'd look for my _real_ guardian angel because it sure as hell isn't me," Phil opened the cab door, got out and slammed the door behind him.

Roy sat in the squad for a few minutes remembering what his next door neighbor said. A tall dark skinny man. Hell it could be the Cap he'd have all the information at his fingertips. It had to be the Cap, and he would have to thank him properly.

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Johnny made his way slowly up the rope; he was thoroughly soaked and exhausted to the bone. Their victim, a twenty two year old male, had decided to take a header into the Los Angeles River. Smashing into the concrete, the car crumpled on impact, leaving the paramedic an arduous time using the porta- power to free the kid from the dashboard.

With barely enough room, Gage had slid in and was able to pull the breathing, unconscious victim from the remains of his car. Now bruised and beaten he wearily sat down on the squad as he watched Carl work on him. He had to constantly come up for air and his victim was on oxygen. Multiple bruises covered his upper torso from the noncompliant dashboard. Rain peppered the rescued and made his dark mood darker.

"You okay John?" Cap asked looking at his paramedic. His husky voice broke through the paramedic's fog. The man reminded John of his late father, with a calm, cool tone relaxing him as his tired mind fought for balance and an anchor.

"Fine Cap, just need to rest some," the dark haired man tried to smile only to find it hurt. Before long a bright yellow blanket was wrapped around him. He drew it tighter, not willing to admit how cold he was.

"I want you checked out at St. Francis, John; this is your third water rescue in three shifts," Bill looked at his drowned paramedic. An old smoke eater, Bill had quickly embraced the paramedic program as corpse and not patients seemed to be all they rescued, he liked Gage. The dark haired paramedic was dedicated and a good teacher. The cap had watched this year as John had trained the whole crew in all the rescues, playing an important part in saving lives.

"Sure Cap, Carl took the guy in, but I promise I'll get checked out," John heaved himself from the back of the squad, he boots squished, reminding him of the time Roy turned down the engineer position for him. _Snap out of it Gage. He's history._

Climbing into the cab, he cranked up the heat and still shivered. Yes, it had been his third water rescue in three shifts if you counted the other four last week. Rain, stupidity and drunken victims had made for a bad month. So much for spring and new promise it offered, right now he would do for a few sunny days in between instead of dark, gloomy days.

Once he backed the squad at the hospital he had every intention of getting out, but it was warm and cozy and he could tell it was cold outside. Wrapping the blanket tighter around him he closed his eyes and gave himself ten minutes for a cat nap.

The banging on the window of the squad woke him up out of his stupor. He unlocked the door and Bing slipped in.

"You okay Johnny?" Carl looked at his exhausted partner.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Hungry?" Johnny coughed and put the squad in gear. "Um, want to call us available?"

"Um yeah sure," Carl noted the dark circles and haunted look on his face. "Squad 43 available."

Even before he put the mic down they received another call, another water rescue and Carl sighed, wondering if it was ever going to end. Rain started to sprinkle on the windshield and even before they got to the scene a downpour met them at their destination.

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Going back to the station, Phil tried to forget the fight he had with his wife the previous night. They had gotten another frantic phone call from Trudi's mom.

"_Look Trudi, we knew this was going to happen," Phil hugged his wife as she cried._

"_But she needs me Phil, she needs me," 'Trudi sniffed and looked at her tired husband. "I can take Heather and go up for the weekend and see what I can do."_

"_Honey, we can't afford it right now. Look, I can get some overtime later but she's being taken care of," Nolan smoothed his wife's hair only to have her pull away._

"_Oh we have money to see your mother but not mine," Trudi stood up. "I thought you cared about me Phil! Well, I'm going with or without you. I have a credit card and I'll get a job if I have too." She stomped off._

_Trudi headed towards the bedroom slamming the door and waking Heather up, who started crying. Before long both parents were at their child's bedside and laughing at each other's selfishness._

"_It will be all right baby, promise. We'll work something out," Phil hugged and kissed his wife hard knowing they would have to make a decision soon._

"Hey Phil, you with me here?" Roy looked at his far away partner.

"Yeah Roy," Nolan turned to his less than happy partner.

"_Are_ you all right? I mean, you've been out there for awhile," Roy looked at his partner.

"No Roy, I'm good, really," Phil smiled and knew it was his problem. "Just some things I need to think about."

"All right Phil, but if you need me know I'm here for ya," Roy winked as they pulled into the bay.

"Yeah partner, thanks," Phil scowled. _Only this problem you can't solve and I don't think you'll like it._

Roy watched as Phil headed to the dayroom, turning he saw Cap in his office. Getting out he headed there, shut the door and looked at Stanley. They had something to discuss.


	15. Chapter 15

LOC15

"Look Roy I don't know how to tell you but straight out," Stanley looked at the sandy haired paramedic.

Roy was anxious; he thought he finally had figured out who his 'angel' was. "So?" He leaned forward, his hands clasped and his jaw clenched, hoping he could personally thank the man who had saved his family.

"It wasn't me, pal," Hank sighed, relieved to finally get it out in the open. His paramedic was surprised and then crushed. However, he still had another secret to keep.

"But if it wasn't you then who was it then?" Roy blurted out.

Hank shrugged, unwilling and unable to break a promise. "Can't tell ya Pal. You'll just have to….

**Tones sounded **

Both men rushed out of the office, their conversation forgotten.

#############

It took all of John's effort to climb the stairs up to his apartment. Opening the door, the thought of a hot shower and a dozen aspirin appealed to him. Tomorrow was the much needed Vegas trip even though he felt like his lungs were in a vise.

Bright neon lights, party all night and then looking at all the pretty women and maybe getting lucky, it was just what the doctor ordered.

##########

Phil put the headset down and looked at the phone. They had no choice they had to go back to Frisco for awhile. He wiped his hands through his hair and tugged at his moustache, it was going to be a long trip.

"Trudi, honey," Phil called to his wife who was trying to calm a fussy Heather. Trudi bounced the child hoping to calm her down. Heather was always keen when her parents were upset and seemed to get fussy every time. It had been a very long night.

"Yeah babe," holding their baby she came closer. She had tears in her eyes to match their baby's. Her eyes were filled with fear and worry.

"Things are just too much, babe. Looks like we're going to take an extended vacation. We'll drive up. I'll contact my captain," Phil sighed. So much for life in sunny Southern Cal.

########

Opening his sleep covered eyes, Johnny saw it was 7 p.m. and he ached all over. He had crawled into bed around ten a.m. this morning after shift. The thought of being stuck in a car for the six hour drive to Vegas held no appeal. Reaching for the phone, he dialed Carl's number, upset that he was disappointing his partner once again.

"Hey," Carl's cheerful voice greeted him.

"Hey Carl," John suppressed a heavy cough and his vocal cords hurt just talking.

"Johnny you sound horrible," Bing thought of his sick partner and why he called. Gage always seemed to take more risks then his crew mates and half the time Carl would hold his breath at one time during rescues. He knew the odds would finally catch up to his fearless partner.

"Yeah, that's why I called," Johnny again suppressed his tight cough. "I'm really sorry. Guess I won't be going to Vegas." Gage pulled his pillow to his mouth as he controlled another coughing spasm.

"Hey Johnny maybe you should get checked out, you know. It sounds really, really bad," Carl was half tempted to come check on him personally.

"No man. I'll be all right, just a flu bug or something," Johnny tried to catch his breath.

"You're sure man?" Carl didn't think it was just the flu. He remembered all the those late night water rescues and the restlessness of his partner. "Johnny I really think you should see a doctor. Silverstein's on duty and…"

"Look Carl. I'll be fine, 'kay? Just have a good time in Vegas for me. Say hello to Charo for me," Johnny again stifled a coughing spasm and decided another hot steaming shower was necessary.

"All right partner, but I'll be checking on you," Carl tried to sound up. "Bye."

"Bye partner," Gage hung up the phone and drug himself out of bed. Even walking made his chest hurt.

Taking another long hot steamy shower he drank about five glasses of water and took some more aspirin. Punching his pillow, he lay down again. He was pissed he was missing Vegas. Vegas! Once in bed, he quickly fell back to sleep, his coughs breaking the silence of the warm room.

#############

Roy had a lot to think about on his days off. Hank swore he wasn't the 'angel', so the paramedic had no idea who it could be.

"Babe, are you all right?" Joanne looked at her worried husband. His look was distant, confused and miles away. He was chewing on his lower lip.

"It's nothing honey really," Roy looked into his coffee cup. "It's just I thought I had things figured out. If it wasn't Hank or Phil who could it be?"

Joanne reached over and hugged him. "Is it really that important, Roy? Does it really matter who was there for us? They got us through some pretty tough times."

"You're telling me," Roy sighed, something still niggling at the back of his brain. "Joanne if it wasn't for our angel I'm not sure we would have made it. They made the difference of me having to work OT or not. It's just I want to thank them personally, you know."

"Yes honey, but you'll find him. Just relax okay? He'll show up I know he will," Joanne smiled relieving Roy of his task. He reached over and smoothed down her now new beautiful head of hair

############

Carl drove home from Vegas as quickly as humanly as possible. He had tried to call his paramedic partner several times while in Vegas and go no response. He was almost tempted to call a 9-1-1 on him, but knew he'd live to regret it.

Pulling into Gage's apartment complex he didn't know if he should be happy or sad his partner's Rover was still there. Climbing up the stairs he knocked on the door several times. The sun was just setting as he again knocked on the door, harder this time, and still didn't get an answer.

Again he knocked harder and louder as other tenets came out to see where the racket was coming from. Reaching into his jeans pocket he pulled out Gage's emergency key. Opening the door, he walked into a muggy, sickness-filled apartment. Following the smell he found Johnny sprawled in bed, the sheets and covers twisted and his partner's breathing uneven.

Moving quickly his paramedic's instincts kicked in and he checked for Johnny's pulse. It was strong, but his respirations were weak and shallow.

"Johnny!" Bing called hoping to gently wake up his partner.

The inert body lay there.

"JOHNNY," Bing called again. Shrugging he turned his partner over and tried a sternal rub.

Gage's eyes barely opened to slits. "Carl?" John's voice was barely a whisper and harsh.

"Hey Johnny glad to see you join the land of the living. How you doing?" Carl looked at his prone friend. He all ready knew Gage had a fever and should be in the hospital. He reached for the phone only to be stopped.

"Just what the hell are you doing?" Johnny pulled himself up feeling every muscle in his body ache with the quick response.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm calling the paramedics is what. You got a fever; you sure as hell aren't breathing very well and . . ." Carl said exasperated.

"Put it down," Johnny rasped out. "C'mon give me a break." A coughing spasm sent him reeling and he fell back to into the bed.

"That does it I'm calling it in," Bing reached for the phone again only to have an arm shoot up to stop him.

"No," Johnny coughed for a few minutes. "Just give me a minute then you can take me in."

Carl looked at his sick partner and friend. "All right a minute." Bing looked around and found a duffle. Stuffing it with some underwear and pajamas he headed towards the bathroom.

Gage watched as Carl packed for his stay at St. Francis. He would never live this down. He just wanted to be left alone. Going to the DeSoto's party only reinforced what he already knew. Roy had taken pity on him as a partner and now he had Phil and Gage had nothing except some wet behind the ears kid who worshiped him like some damn god.

"Okay pal, let me help you with these," Carl helped John up and helped put his sweats on.

Gage was soaking wet and let Carl do all the work. The long flight of stairs down seemed to take forever and Johnny couldn't remember being lifted onto the gurney. Opening his eyes he saw a blurry face.

"Dixie?" Johnny coughed out.

"No love, it's me Millie," her Irish lilt eased him.

"Sorry," Johnny frowned

"It's all right," the redheaded nurse pushed back the hair stuck to his forehead. "The doctors should have the x-rays soon. Besides, Joel already has the IV filled with strong antibiotics and the admitting process has started."

"Oh man," Johnny coughed.

"Your captain has already been informed." Millie stated in her matter of fact way, not easing his guilty heart.

"Pneumonia?" John questioned, already knowing the answer.

"All right who's the doctor around here?" Doc Joel Silverstein made his appearance. Not much older than the paramedic his dark rimmed glasses made him look slightly cartoonish, his blonde hair a contrast against his tanned complexion and blue eyes.

"Hey doc," Johnny coughed again. "Sorry to ruin your day."

"Um, Johnny I hate to break it to you but it's night. Carl brought you in around 6 pm."

"Oh," Gage closed his eyes, giving in to fatigue and the strong antibiotics.

"You'll be okay Johnny. Just don't fight so much this time," Joel squeezed John's shoulder.

"I'm too tired to fight Doc," John smiled and gave into much needed sleep.

Going back to the nurse's station Millie had to make a phone call.

"," Dixie answered.

"Hello love," Millie said her eyes trained on the treatment room door. "One of our favorite paramedics is sick."

"Oh," Dixie sighed. _Couldn't Johnny get a break_.

"Pneumonia," Millie stated. "He's in good hands though."

"Glad to hear it Millie. You'll take real good care of him?" Dixie questioned wondering how the paramedic had gotten pneumonia in the first place.

"Of course love. I'll keep you posted. Good bye," Millie hung up the phone.

"Good bye," Dixie hung up, a frown on her face.

"Dixie?" Kell looked at his head nurse, "something wrong?"

"Yes, something is wrong. Men are such stupid, pig-headed animals is what."

#############

DeSoto brought the victim in with a deep scowl on his face. His temporary partner was already a pain in the ass and the day had even started yet. He thought they had come to an understanding the last time they worked. But his partner was either stubborn or stupid.

"Hey Dixie," Roy went to the coffee and poured himself a much needed cup of coffee. The first run of the day didn't bode well for the rest, he feared, of a very, very long shift.

"Something wrong?" Dixie looked at the anxious man.

"Yes," Roy sighed. "Craig Brice."

"Who?" Dixie smiled inside knowing Roy was getting some payback.

"Craig Brice, the walking, talking rulebook," DeSoto finished his coffee as Brice walked in.

Roy leaned against the counter and waited for his temporary partner to make his appearance.

"DeSoto," Brice said briskly as if talking to a child.

"The patient is going to make it," Roy stated, set his coffee cup down and hurried out of the ER.

Dixie smiled seeing maybe Brice would give Roy a good, swift kick in the ass for his troubles.

##############

For a week of shifts, DeSoto suffered in silence, quickly fixing victims and patients left and right as their condition would worsen at Brice's clinical treatment. For once he compared Dr. Morton's and Brice's bedside manner and found them both lacking.

Both his previous partners had compassion and sympathy for their victims instead of treating them as some sort of medical incident.

Brice's manner made the caring paramedic sick to his stomach. Craig's declaration of being the best paramedic in the county didn't seem to include the victim's welfare in that regard. Stanley had warned him to cut his temporary partner some slack so he did.

His next three days off would give him some much needed relief from the unfeeling, seemly uncaring paramedic.

############

John Gage looked out of the window of his hospital bed. Glancing at his arm he saw the multiple IV's and he still had the nasal cannula, along with the twice daily breathing treatments. He was feeling quite sorry for himself.

Looking as the sun rose, the dark haired paramedic again tried to take a deep breath and was rewarded with a coughing spasm. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

Opening his eyes later, he found a student nurse with his lunch and his captain behind her.

"There you are Mr. Gage I'll be back in an half an hour to get the tray." She quickly vanished, leaving Gage alone with his captain.

"Hi Cap," John took a slow bite of his Jell-O. BRAT diets sucked.

"John, just checking to see how you're doing," Cap pulled up a chair.

"Okay I guess, considering I let you down again. Hell, let everyone down," John put his spoon back down and drank the half cup of coffee.

"Let us down how?" Halliard stood up not liking the attitude of his finest paramedic.

"Because I'm here aren't I? Not working, not helping anybody. Hell, I can't even save me. What good am I?" John leaned back on the upright bed, his chest tightening as his lungs protested.

"Now listen son, you're one of the finest paramedics around. You just had too many water rescues and you saved countless lives. When I heard you were going to transfer to my station and be on my shift, I was thankful. I've seen how you helped Carl and all of us save more lives."

"But Cap!" John moaned.

"Before paramedics came along I can't tell you about the lives we lost, and in some horrible ways. Then rescue men come around and we were still losing people. I for one was glad to have the paramedics. Sure I maybe an old smoke eater at heart, but I know change is good. Why, you and DeSoto are the finest best damn paramedics around and don't you forget it," Cap smiled. "Now eat your lunch, get some rest and get the hell back to my station where you belong."

"Yes sir," Johnny smiled, knowing he had more friends than he had thought. "I'll make sure to get better."

"Yes please do, because Carl's temporary partner is driving him crazy," Halliard frowned.

"Who is it?" Gage got curious.

"Bob Bellingham," Cap sighed.

"The animal?" John's eyebrows shot up and he frowned. _Poor Carl._

"The one in the same. So to save my sanity you'd better get well faster. I have to go. I'll be checking in on you," Bill waved and suddenly Gage didn't feel so bad.


	16. Chapter 16

LOC16

Roy was tired. It had been a long shift and things were not going well. Nolan was still sick and this was his second week stuck with Brice, only Brice had a wicked smile on his face and seemed pleased to be working with him.

For one thing, DeSoto think Brice didn't have one ounce of compassion in his body, since being perfect seemed his only goal. The last call had given him a bad headache. Pouring himself some coffee he looked at his partner's glasses and wondered when Nolan would come back.

Taking a drink, Roy made a decision since they were alone in the day room. Steeling himself, he took a deep breath and started.

"Brice we have to talk about our last run," Roy's eyes narrowed on the man.

"What about it? The girl had a broken tibia." Brice stated devoid of any emotion.

"Brice you scared the hell out of her. It took me ten minutes to calm her down in the ambulance and then she screamed bloody murder when she was wheeled into a treatment room. For God's sake Brice, she was a child not some medical incident!" Roy walked over to the still unemotional paramedic.

"It was done by the book DeSoto, as everything should be," Brice looked him in the eye. "It seems you and Gage are immune to regulations just because you two were in the first paramedic classes."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" Roy asked, doing anything to keep the perfect paramedic from spouting regulations. The man could drone on and on, only stopping to take breaths.

"Seriously DeSoto, you're telling me you knew nothing about what Gage did for the pancake breakfast he planed for you," Craig smiled, again making Roy nervous.

"You're mistaken; Phil Nolan planned the breakfast" DeSoto crossed his arms, uncomfortable, wondering where Brice had received his misinformation. They were in the dayroom and the engine had gone on a run. The tension in the air was growing thicker as Roy's mood grew darker.

"Well I've had the displeasure of working with Gage a few times." Brice grinned. "Since you both seem to have total disregard for regulations you were made for each other."

Brice's words stung him, the rest of 51 knew well enough to not bring up his former partner's name but this ass seem to relish in it.

"Oh, and that affects me how?" Roy looked daggers at his substitute partner.

"Well for one thing, headquarters looked the other way. Did you know we carried at least five thousand copies of that damn flyer in the squad? Not to mention the thousands he left at every station he worked OT at." Brice shook his head. "Gage is incorrigible. It's amazing he's a paramedic to begin with."

"Well, I just don't believe you Brice. You have no idea what you're talking about," Roy could feel his chest constrict; hearing the truth hurt him. He remembered the sheet of paper, Gage shoving two hundred dollars in the donation jar and all those tiny dots connecting to his old partner.

"I'm surprised DeSoto; didn't you hear, Gage had been working a lot of OT for a friend. A lot if you know what I mean," Roy seemed oblivious to the statement, so Brice repeated it again. "Really a lot and of course the department looked the other way since you are the stars of the paramedics."

"A friend," Roy stood up, not liking the implications of his statement. Gage pushed him away, purposefully; his ex partner was a nut. "Did he say which friend?" DeSoto braced himself on his chair already knowing the answer was adding up to Nolan's 'friend' and his mysterious benefactor. Breathing was becoming difficult along with his restraint; he wanted to lash out at the snotty paramedic.

"I thought that would be obvious DeSoto. Surely you've heard all the rumors?" Brice took off his glasses and cleaned them.

"I don't listen to gossip or rumors, Brice." Roy stated, "Rumors have no merit in fact."_Most of the time._

"Ah yes—DeSoto, who minds his own business; the quiet, complicated one," Brice stated without malice.

DeSoto stood up, shoved his chair back and got some more coffee, staring at his erstwhile partner wondering what the hell was going on. He leaned against the kitchen counter and watched the rulebook.

"Surely you know why the pancake breakfast was such a rousing success don't you, DeSoto? Why Gage was passing out flyers like they were candy. Every place we stopped he made sure he canvassed the neighborhood or business and let me take the victim in. He endlessly talked it up at the hospital, word was he sent it to every radio and TV station west of the Rockies," Brice smiled widely.

"Now why in the hell would my former partner do something like that?" Roy couldn't understand Gage's actions. He was right from the beginning; the man was a damn nut case.

"Seems Gage has been working for a 'friend' for the past year." Brice stated again. "Also seems he spread the flyers from one end of the county to the next."

Brice's words hung in the air and Roy turned placing his cup of coffee on the counter.

"You're wrong Brice. Johnny only cares about himself. I've only seen him once, no three in all that time and he didn't say a damn thing," Roy countered, hoping to stop Brice's digs. _Have I been wrong all this time?_ He was still holding onto fast the little bit of reality he knew no longer existed. Although he remembered seeing the flyers everywhere he went, Brice was correct; they were from one end of the county to the other.

"What DeSoto? Did you think Gage was going to tell you, or anyone for that matter? He hasn't told anyone, my understanding he was hurt and said something in a weak moment." Craig said in his annoying manner.

"You're wrong Brice. You think I'm going to believe that?" Roy was furious at Brice's lies.

"I'm not mistaken DeSoto; you are mistaken. Just like you to ignore the obvious," Brice crossed his arms in defiance to the last comment.

"Like I said Brice you don't know what you're talking about," Roy stepped closer to his temporary partner. "Gage would never do something like that for me."

The engine was backing in and Roy's and Brice's raised voices could be heard.

"Oh well, I knew it wouldn't last," Hank put his coat on his seat as the rest of the men headed into the dayroom hoping to break up a fight.

Marco, Chet, Mike and Captain Stanley stopped in the day room. Roy was by the sink and Brice sat quietly at the table.

"Ask them, they'll tell you," Brice pointed at the men as they came in.

"Tell you what?" Chet looked at both men and saw the tension between the men escalate in the room.

"About Gage, Kelly. About how he's been helping DeSoto here; all the things he's done like working OT and the pancake breakfast. Tell him!" Craig demanded and pointed at the Irishman.

Kelly blushed along with the rest of the men.

Roy's face fell. "You mean he's telling the truth?" His chin hit his chest as he felt the color drain from his face.

The men nodded.

"Well if you'll excuse me I'm going to check the drug box," Brice quietly slipped out of the dayroom.

"I think that's a good idea," Hank slapped Brice on the back. "You big twit."

Roy stared at his friends and remembered how Johnny had made sure he wasn't a friend anymore. Taking the key to his place had given him some measure of hope and Gage made sure there wasn't any. _But why! _"Why? All right Chet," Roy sauntered over to the stocky Irishman. "What the hell were you doing at Johnny's place anyway?"

"Let me tell you Roy. Johnny swore us all to secrecy; he didn't want you to know what he did for you. Personally I wouldn't have done it, but you know Johnny. HE'll forgive anybody," Chet sneered.

"What do you mean by that?" Roy pushed nose to nose with the phantom.

Mike stepped in between them. "Look Johnny wouldn't want this to happen, you know that Chet."

"So Johnny isn't here and it's about time he finds out what an ass his former partner really is," Chet stepped towards Roy. "Did you know he gave up his vacation to Hawaii for you, Roy? Yeah, he had saved his money for two years for the vacation of a lifetime and he spent it on you and what did you do?" Kelly pushed his middle finger into Roy's chest. "You pissed on him when you were rescuing him for saving those hikers. He was camping because of you. I'm done." Chet turned and headed out of the day room, stuffing his hands in his pockets so he wouldn't belt his shift mate.

Roy felt his knees buckle and he was carried to the couch and Henry laid his head on his lap. DeSoto shook his head and looked up.

"Why," DeSoto's voice broke, "Did John say why he did it?"

Three men shook their heads.

"I'm sorry Roy," Hank sat next to him. "Um Mike, why don't you get Brice in here. DeSoto isn't looking so hot."

"I'm fine Cap, fine," Roy's voice trailed off. His memories filled with all the help from his unknown benefactor, but it had been there in front of him all the time.

"Well you don't look so good," Hank sighed and frowned. This wasn't the way he had wanted Roy to find out about this. His paramedic looked crushed.

"It's true," Roy looked again at his friends. He was ashamed his hadn't seen the connection sooner and left Gage alone.

"Hey I only did it once," Marco offered up. "Johnny called and swore me to secrecy."

"Me, too," Mike added hands stuck in his pockets.

"Roy," Stanley patted Roy's back "It was once, Christmas. Seems John couldn't fit it all in his Rover. I'm sorry we couldn't tell you."

"What am I going to do?" Roy closed his eyes. "He's pushed me away." Opening his mist filled eyes he asked, "But can you blame him? I've been an awful jerk."

Brice walked in with the trauma box and knelt down next to DeSoto, where he quietly took DeSoto's vital signs and avoided Roy's eyes; he looked at Stanley's instead. "It might be a good idea for DeSoto to lay down a while. He seems shocky," Craig stated.

"Ya think?" Mike snorted. "Gosh, whatever gave you that idea?"

"Stoker, please. Now let's move Roy to the dorm for some peace and quiet," Stanley stood up. "Not you Brice; you'll stay here if you know what's good for you."

"Um, yes Cap," Brice made his way quickly over to the stove.

"But Cap I'm fine, really. I mean really, Cap," Roy mumbled as he was half carried to the dorm.

Once on his bed, DeSoto closed his eyes and fell asleep.

"Watch him, I'm calling in a replacement and there's no way in hell is he going to be able to drive home. I'll call Joanne too," Stanley ordered, relieved the proverbial cat was out of the bag.

########

Roy opened his eyes to find his blanket covering him and daylight streaming in the dorm. From the clock on the wall it was ten a.m. and he didn't remember getting here. Sitting up, his head pounded and the memories of the night before flashed back in his head. He had found out who his mysterious benefactor had been, thanks to his temporary partner.

"Hey pal," Hank walked in dressed in his civvies. "How you doing?"

"Truthfully, I feel like a damn fool. How could I not know it was Johnny? I guess I picked the wrong partner, huh," Roy stood up.

"I called Joanne and told her you'd be late. Get cleaned up and then we're going to breakfast," Cap ordered.

"Hey Cap, I just didn't have any partner did I?" Roy looked to Hank for some much needed answers.

A simple nod answered Roy's question.

"And you can't tell me where Johnny transferred can you?" the tired paramedic sighed heavily, "Well things are just crap aren't they."

"Why don't you take a shower, Roy? It will make you feel better," Stanley guided him to the locker room and then waited in the dayroom.

The hot shower brought Roy out of his stupor and guilt. Changing into his civvies he was still at odds with himself.

"Pal, we're going out to breakfast. You know Betty's diner?" Roy followed Hank to the backyard noticing the C- shift was all there, leaving his Porsche and the cap's station wagon.

"Yes, Johnny and I ate there all the time," the words flowed so easily. _Johnny_.

"Well I'll meet you there," Cap's door closed and he climbed into his car.

Pulling into the parking lot of the diner he found four familiar cars there, Mike, Marco, Chet's and Hanks. Roy steeled himself to be belted by Kelly.

Walking into the diner, he found his friends, it seemed they had been there awhile, as empty plates and half filled coffee cups surrounded them. He slid in the booth sitting across from Chet. "Chet," Roy looked at the lineman. "I'm sorry Chet and . . ."

"Save it for Johnny Roy," Chet snorted. "You have no idea . . . never mind," he swatted and put his hand down.

"You were trying to tell me at the party weren't you?" DeSoto looked at Stanley and Chet. "So was Phil and Dixie. Just how many people knew?"

"Enough," Chet spat out. "No you had to play the hero, didn't you Roy. You have no idea."

"Did he tell you anything Chet? Not that you'll tell me . . ."

"Coffee?" The waitress came up to the crowded booth.

Roy nodded knowing he would need the dark brew to get through the rest of the day.

"Listen Roy. The only reason I knew Johnny transferred was I overheard him talking to somebody his last shift," Chet took a long drink of his coffee. "When Nolan showed up and Johnny didn't call I knew something was up, all right."

"I deserve that, Chet. Thought I could handle it all by myself," Roy put sugar and cream in his coffee. "I was wrong, okay. I was terribly wrong on all counts."

The waitress came back and Roy ordered.

Looking at his shift mates he had one bit of information to lay on them.

"Johnny was at the party," the paramedic rubbed his hands over his face.

Five men gasped and then looked at Roy.

"It was near the end and Joanne wanted me to get more wine," Roy cupped his face in his hand, "the front door was open and then I turned on the hall light. Johnny looked horrible. He said he was late and I was a little too drunk to understand. Joanne called again and then Johnny was gone."

############

Kell Brackett was about to leave when his phone rang.

"Dr. Brackett," he flipped a chart down.

"Hello Kell," Dr. Joel Silverstein called.

"Oh, I take it this isn't good news," Brackett sighed.

"Clairvoyant now?" Silverstein chuckled.

"No, head nurses. What happened to Gage this time," Kell leaned back in his chair.

"Too many water rescues and too much rain. I think you know," Joel sighed, "seems John is almost too good for himself."

"Yes well he always takes care of his victims sometimes to his detriment. I just wanted to thank you for keeping me posted on Gage's mishaps," Kell leaned back on his desk.

"Miss him, do you?" Silverstein could tell Brackett did.

"Well we might not always see eye to eye, but John's one of the finest paramedics around," Kell said proudly.

"Just because you trained him, right?" Joel laughed.

"Something like that, anyway I've got to go. Just keep me posted, 'kay?"

"Sure thing Kell, us base station hospitals have to stick together. See you at the next meeting. Bye," Joel hung up.

"Bye," Kell stomach growled in protest and he thought about breakfast.

#############

As Roy ate his breakfast his pestered his shiftmates with unanswered questions. Seems Johnny didn't give out much, although he thought his ex-partner might spill out when he was no longer there to listen. His ego was bruised badly.

Mike, Marco and Chet looked at their watches, said goodbye to Hank and Roy. Food had revived his body but not his soul. DeSoto couldn't believe how wrong he had been and had no starting point.

"Well pal, I have to go," Stanley slid out of the booth.

"Thanks Cap, now I have to fix things. Think Johnny will ever speak to me again?" Roy frowned and speared his eggs.

"I don't know, but you'll have to try. See you next shift," Stanley waved leaving Roy alone with his eggs and thoughts.

"Hey Roy," Kell stopped at Roy's empty booth.

"You okay now?" the doctor checked out his patient.

"Okay?" Roy's voice went up an octave.

"Yes Brice called in last night about a code I and your name came out. Anything I can help with?" Brackett's stomach growled.

"How about you let me buy you breakfast and I'll tell you all about it." The paramedic thought the doctor just might know something.

"Sure. I think I missed dinner last night," Brackett slid in and the waitress gave him much needed coffee. "So what can I help you with, Roy?"


	17. Chapter 17

LOC17

"Hello Johnny," Millie's soft lilt made John smile.

"Hello Millie, nice to see a friendly face," Johnny smiled, wishing he could go home. So far he had had many visitors but he just didn't feel comfortable. The walls of his hospital room were more depressing than his own room. He was sitting up and staring at the walls, feeling no desire to watch TV or anything else.

"Now you'll be going home soon. Doctor says your lungs are clear and you're fever is down," the head nurse smoothed out his hair. "Is everything all right, Johnny?"

"Sure, everything's peachy," Johnny half smiled. "I'm just stuck in the hospital again is all, letting everyone down."

"John Gage, I will not let you talk like that. You are an excellent paramedic and you saved dozens of people before you got sick."

"Yeah, that's what my Cap says, but," John wiped at his face. "It's just . . ." The sick paramedic thought of Roy DeSoto and how he had let him down. Sure he could save hundreds of strangers, but he couldn't even help his once best friend and buddy.

"Johnny, Johnny. What's bothering you?" Millie didn't like the faraway look of her favorite paramedic.

"It's nothing, Millie. Can't live in the past can we?" Johnny pulled himself up. "Boy am I hungry. When's lunch?"

"You wanting hospital food," Millie checked his forehead. "Are you sure you're all right?"

#######

"So that's everything Doc," Roy looked at the physician.

Brackett's blue eyes spoke of information he had and couldn't tell. So far the last few hours had been enlightening and frustrating.

"So what can you tell me, Doc? I know you have your oath and well, I know I'm counting on a lot, you know. But I've got to talk to Johnny," Roy pleaded. "I owe him a big apology."

"Roy," Brackett sighed. "It's not that easy. I wish I had some answers for you, but I can't and won't be able to tell you. Whatever happened between you and John is your business."

"Well thanks Doc, that's all nice and good, but how am I supposed to talk to him when I don't even know where he's working? Not like he'll talk to me. He's got some twisted notion in his head I can't even begin to imagine." Roy shook his head, knowing his former partner saw life in a different light then most people.

"And what makes you say that?" Kell was intrigued, knowing only bits and pieces of the supposed disintegration of the once famous paramedic team.

"I don't know for sure Doc, but let me lay it on you," Roy let his anger out. "Tell me about a friend who will cut you off completely, not call, nothing. I'm not saying I'm not without fault, but geez Doc Johnny saved me and my family did you know that and yet he made sure we weren't friends any more. He made damn sure we could never be friends again."

Kell took a long drink of his coffee and pondered the situation. His eye twitched involuntarily and he looked at the distraught man.

"Roy I wish I could help, but my hands are tied. I'm really sorry," Kell looked at his watch. "I have to go. See you later," Sliding out of the booth, he threw some money down on the table, leaving Roy alone once again.

#######

Going home Roy felt sad, knowing he was responsible for his friend leaving but knowing there was something else as well. Driving by John's apartment he saw the familiar Rover was not in the normal parking space. He knew Brackett knew something and couldn't tell him. But he had the next three days for a plan of action and maybe Phil would be back. So far his temporary partners were driving him crazy. Also, knowing Gage had found a suitable partner for him made it even worse. _Just how long had Nolan known Gage?_

#######

Roy had to go back to work tomorrow so he swung by John's apartment building. Phil had not returned, and he couldn't wait on this forever, he reasoned. Finding an empty space he pulled in and waited for an hour, with no sign of his friend. Fearing Gage had been hurt, he got out of the car and headed to Gage's apartment.

His stomach doing somersaults he found Gage's apartment and knocked on the door. His weight shifted from side to side as he rehearsed his little speech to his friend. It seemed hours before the door was opened slowly by a woman.

"Hello," Roy smiled. "Is John Gage here?"

The woman had mousy brown hair, thick glasses and a nasally voice. She was not Johnny's type of woman at all. "John Gage? Who is he?" The woman scratched her nose.

"He lives here," Roy stated and growing annoyed at the woman's tone. Didn't she know John Gage lived here?

"Listen mister, I've lived here for three months and I never heard of John Gage," the woman stared at him intently. "Why don't you ask the manager? Now leave or I'm gonna have to call the cops." She crossed her arms and sneered.

"Fine, I'll ask the manager," Roy mumbled, shocked Gage had moved. He wandered around until he found the manager's office and knocked. An older woman opened the door, a cigarette dangling from her mouth, her hair up in curlers and wearing a frayed blue robe. "Yeah," she lisped.

"Um, I'm trying to find a forwarding address for John Gage," Roy tried his best smile.

"Who?" she was annoyed.

"John Gage? He lived in 2C, you know the firefighter." Roy lifted up his hands in helplessness.

"I'm sorry mister," ash fell from the woman's lit cigarette, "I never heard of him."

"But—" Roy protested.

"Look mister, I only had this job for the past month, besides you don't have any right!" She slammed the door in his face.

Dejected and confused Roy walked slowly to his car. He'd have to find another way of talking to his missing partner.

#######

Phil watched the rise and fall of his mother's chest in her hospital bed. Leaning on the bed he watched the machines and the data displayed. Being a paramedic was both good and bad, since he now knew what the numbers meant. His thoughts turned to Roy DeSoto and the feelings he must have gone through with Joanne having cancer. Family was important and he could see that in Roy DeSoto.

Sighing again his thoughts turned to his paramedic recruiter John Gage, a man who wouldn't let you say 'no'.

"_Don't you understand Phil you won't get hurt as much 'cause you won't be fighting as many fires. Think about it!" John's infections smile ate at him._

But he knew how often his friend had been hurt.

"_Remember we're talking about me Phil. I . . . well, Roy DeSoto's the best and he has a wife and kids and there's just me, you know. So maybe I take chances I shouldn't but I'm just thinking of the poor victim, you know. Besides you're a born paramedic, I can tell. So think about it pally," Johnny smiled again, weakening his resolve._

Family, yes it was important, more than anything. Gage could talk a blue streak about nothing but bring up family and he would adroitly sidestep the topic and move you on to another. There was something tragic about his friend and yet he seemed totally carefree. His mind returned to the present as his mother's machine beeped and a nurse came in.

"Mr. Nolan, why don't you get some coffee? It will be awhile," the kindly nurse took pity on him.

Standing up he stretched and headed out of the room. It was going to be another long night.

#########

John opened his eyes to darkness; he had eaten dinner and found himself asleep, but his dreams woke him up—or more like nightmares. Both his mother and father were there, calling out to him and he couldn't reach them. Then they disappeared in the mist.

He found tears streaming down his face, grateful for the darkness to hide his shame. His aunt had told him he was a man and shouldn't cry, for anything or anybody. Coming home from junior high he had a fight being the new kid and his aunt was still at work. In the bathroom he put ice on his nose and eye only to hear his aunt come home.

"_John," she called. _

_Still dripping blood on his white shirt and tears running down his face he stepped out of the small bathroom into the tiny living room._

"_What happened?" she asked sternly, already deciding on a course of action. Her arms were crossed and she had an awful look of disappointment on her face._

"_I got into a fight," he said nasally._

"_John Gage, you do not get into fights nor cry. You are not a baby anymore. Words can't have power over you unless you want them too. Bullies are the same the world over," she huffed and took the towel from his hand._

"_Take off your shirt, you're dripping blood on it." She put out her hand and John shyly undressed._

"_Quickly," she told him, "I'm going to have to soak it since you have so few dress shirts. And wipe those tears. Gage's are strong people and you are no longer a baby. You are a man, so quit sniffling and get to your homework," she snapped._

"_Yes ma'am," Gage said, handing her the shirt and quietly retreating to his room and his books, vowing to never cry again or let the bullies get the best of him._

So life found him alone in his bedroom wishing to undo the horrible mistakes he made and losing the best friend he ever had due to his cowardice and lack of character. He closed his eyes again and went back to sleep.

#########

Roy walked into the station angry and frustrated. So far he had more questions than answers and seemed to have hit a wall. He thought Chester B. knew more but Kelly was still pissed off at him. Marco, Mike and Hank were softening but not as quickly as he wanted. Besides, he was getting tired of temporary partners, thankful Brice was not one of them. Although he owed the walking rulebook for letting him finally see the truth, of course it had been in front of him the whole time.

Going into the apparatus bay Roy was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't see the man standing in front of him.

"DESOTO!" Stanley yelled bringing him out of his stupor.

"Um, yeah Cap," Roy blushed as his shift mates returned nervous laughter.

"This is Chris North, your partner for the rest of month and no, I don't know when Nolan will be coming back, so show him the squad and be friendly," Hank smiled at the bewildered paramedic.

"Sure thing," Roy tried a wan smile and guided North to the squad as the rest of the shift disappeared. "Well this here is the squad, we keep it unlocked," recalling Brice's penchant for locking the damn thing.

North looked at each item and noticed the placement of the gear. "Pretty standard?"

"Yeah, how about we get supplies and you meet everyone at Rampart?"

Chris shrugged and climbed into the squad.

"Hey Cap, we're going to Rampart so North can meet everyone," Roy smiled as his new partner hadn't said much.

"10-7 to Rampart," Chris said into the mic and then looked at his temporary partner. "DeSoto, DeSoto, yah you were one of the first trained paramedics weren't you?" North seemed genuinely interested.

"Yeah, yeah I was. Um, any chance you worked with John Gage?" Roy was hopeful North could provide some hint as to what station his former partner was working.

"Gage? Gage, yeah isn't he a tall skinny guy. Dark brown hair and talks a blue streak," Chris nodded.

"Yeah that's him," Roy felt relieved finding some answers.

"Nope, never did. Worked with other guys who did," Chris watched as the squad pulled into Rampart.

_Great just great. No one knows where Johnny is working._

Going to the nurse's station Roy could already tell Dixie was mad at him. Not knowing why she was angry, he approached the head nurse cautiously. "Dixie I'd like you to introduce you to my new temporary partner, Chris North," Roy made a big show and then the nurse smiled at him.

"We've met before haven't we Chris?" Dixie smiled sweetly at North but frowned at him.

"Yeah, I have been working a lot of the stations around Rampart. Dixie is one cool nurse!" Chris smiled.

Roy knew someone would have to know where Johnny was working. He was about to say something when the HT beeped.

"Squad 51 prepare for a response," Sam Lanier's voice spoke out.

"Oh well, back to work," DeSoto tugged on his partner's sleeve.

North waved as their response was sent and the rest of the shift went quickly.

It was nearing three a.m. as Roy and Chris brought in a smoke inhalation victim from their last response. Roy was tired, dirty and thirsty as he brought in the victim. He wheeled them into a treatment room and quickly left knowing the patient was in good hands. Once at the base station, he had two cups of coffee before coming up for air. Dixie ignored him until North came in, then she was all smiles. Once cleared the paramedic team headed out of the ER.

"Roy can I speak with you a moment?" Kelly looked at the tired paramedic.

"Um, sure. I'll see you in the squad," Roy waved Chris off. "Yeah, Doc?" DeSoto followed the physician to a quiet corner in the waiting room.

"Roy ," Kelly put his hands in his pockets. "Dixie gets off around eleven a.m. today and I know she's always hungry around that time."

Roy stood there for a few seconds not sure of the Brackett was telling him, then the light clicked on.

"I'll be here Doc, and thanks!" Roy smiled for the first time during his shift. Yes, things were looking up.


	18. Chapter 18

LOC18

Roy waited for Dixie, hoping he could convince her to go to lunch. The head nurse always seemed to be concerned about Johnny and he knew in his heart she had been passing information to his former paramedic partner.

Trying to look casual, DeSoto approached the causally dressed nurse. "Hey Dixie," he gave a smile and a small wave.

"Roy? What are you doing here?" Dixie thought of the sly smile of her boss over the last few hours of their shift.

"Can I buy you lunch?" Roy offered his hand.

"Um, sure," Dixie took it as he led her out to the parking lot. "Roy, does Joanne know about this?" the nurse's concern took over.

"She approved it Dixie, besides can't I buy a friend lunch?" he opened the passenger door of his Porsche and she slid in.

Driving off of the parking lot of Rampart, Dixie had a funny feeling in her stomach and it wasn't being hungry. There was seriousness in the sandy haired paramedic's face she hadn't seen before.

Before she knew it Roy pulled up to Donny's diner and Dixie tried to smile. It was the last place she had seen John Gage. Roy got out and then opened the car door for her. If nothing else, Roy was a true gentleman.

The booth they were shown was where Dixie and Johnny had said their goodbyes. A frown crossed the head nurse's face.

"You okay Dixie?" Roy looked at his sad friend.

"Yes I'm fine Roy. How are Joanne and the kids?" Dixie took a sip of water and looked at the paramedic.

"Oh things are great Dixie," Roy got animated. "Back to normal, you know. The kids are fighting again, Joanne can do all the things she used to do and . . ."

A young waitress came over and gave them menus. "Anything to drink?"

Roy looked at Dixie.

"Iced tea please."

"Um, hot coffee."

"I'll be right back with your drinks and then you can give me your orders," she quickly disappeared, leaving a tension filled silence.

They busied themselves with looking at the menu, something they knew by heart. Roy glanced at Dixie and wondered if she would tell him anything, not like he deserved it.

Dixie looked at her dining companion, she had heard he had finally been asking about her favorite paramedic and wondered if it was too late.

The waitress came back for with their drinks and took their orders. Roy sipped his coffee while Dixie sipped her tea. Roy suddenly found his utensils interesting and then picked up the salt and pepper shakers.

"Roy," Dixie called softly.

The paramedic had picked up the ketchup and mustard bottles.

"Roy!" The nurse said more forcibly. "Why did you ask me to lunch?"

"Oh," the paramedic was happy when the food arrived just then; he took ketchup to his fries and dug into his patty melt.

Dixie idly played with her salad as the paramedic seemed to take extreme pleasure in his meal. She was getting frustrated as to why Roy wanted to talk but didn't. "Roy, why the hell did you invite me for lunch?" she hissed, putting her fork down and glaring at the man.

DeSoto put his sandwich down, wiped his fingers and mouth and then tried to talk.

"Dixie, um the reason. Hell, I found out everything Dixie, all right. All along I thought my partner was my guardian angel, only I had the wrong partner," Roy sighed and picked up a French fry and then set it back on the plate. "Look, I have no right to ask this, but I need to talk Johnny, bad, and I'm hoping someone will tell me where the hell he's working out of."

Dixie looked at the frowning and concerned man. She had wanted to tell him for a long time, but now the cat was out of the bag.

"Roy, I told Johnny. I'm sorry," she said making her own confession.

"Told Johnny what? I was a complete and total jerk? What?" Roy shook his head in confusion.

Dixie sighed heavily and steeled herself. "After you told me about Joanne being diagnosed I noticed things became tense between you and Johnny. I thought maybe if I told Johnny what was going on, it might help things," she took his hands. "I had no idea he would transfer."

Roy remembered the conversation with Cap.

"_Yeah John came in, I had never seen him so down Roy, and he asked for a transfer. I asked why but he wouldn't give me an answer," Stanley played with the pencil. "I asked him to wait a month, Roy. A month thinking things might get better between you two and I saw John trying and a month to the day. He transferred. I'm afraid that's all I can tell you."_

"Roy did you hear what I said?" Dixie looked into those troubled blue eyes.

"Yeah Dixie I heard. I should have told him Dixie, maybe if I did he wouldn't have transferred," Roy shrugged his shoulders, suddenly losing his appetite. "I just got so caught up being 'muy macho' I thought I could handle everything myself and I didn't need anyone's help. Turns out I needed everyone's help and the one person who would have helped out the most I pushed away."

Dixie had lost her appetite too; she played with the idea of how she thought the dark haired paramedic would have transferred anyway. She remembered the troubled and fearful look she encountered when Johnny had delivered flowers to Joanne's room. She knew he was a paramedic but there was something in those chocolate brown eyes which spoke to deeper troubles.

"So can you help me out here Dix?" Roy pleaded.

Dixie remembered the one of the last few phone conversations she had with Gage.

"_Dixie you got to promise me you won't tell Roy where I'm working." Johnny stated._

"_But Johnny!" She protested._

"_Look, Millie already told me she talked to you so if Roy ever comes asking about me I don't want him to know," Johnny's voice was barely above a whisper._

"_But Johnny, Roy has to know where you are. What if . . . I think you're making a big mistake," Dixie pouted wishing she could reach through the phone and knock some sense into his thick head._

"_I already made mistakes Dixie, do I have your promise?" Johnny's voice strained._

"_Yes, Johnny you have my promise. I still think you're making a mistake," Dixie held onto the headset a minute after Gage had hung up._

"Roy," Dixie looked into his blue eyes.

"You can't can you?" Roy finished off his cold coffee. "I had to try. Did you know Johnny was at the party?"

"He was!" Dix was glad. "But I didn't see him."

"You know when I went to get more wine? Well Johnny was in the foyer, he couldn't make up his mind and I didn't help. I made some smart ass remark and then he was gone. Well, you done?" Roy slid out of the booth.

"Yes Roy, I'm just sorry I . . ." Dixie grabbed her things.

"Hey it's all right. I've been putting a lot of people into a lot of hard places recently," he pulled out his wallet, paid for lunch and then headed out of the restaurant. "I'll take you back to the hospital. Thanks again, Dixie."

"Roy I didn't do anything and I couldn't even help. Isn't that what were supposed to do, help people?" Dixie felt close to tears.

DeSoto shrugged.

######

Phil sighed in relief. He was going home, if only for a short time. Things had settled down and he had to make some tough choices. Hopefully he could talk some sense into both Johnny and Roy and maybe, just maybe work a miracle.


	19. Chapter 19

LOC19

Roy was frustrated as he drove home. So far he had no clue where Johnny was working and everyone had been sworn to secrecy from his former partner. He couldn't understand how Gage could play such a major role in his family's recovery from Joanne's cancer yet not want to be included in their lives again. He had been right; Johnny was certifiable.

Coming into the house he was greeted by Joanne. Smiling, she kissed him and led him to the dining room and sat him down. Next she brought him some coffee and cookies. Sitting across from him, she took his hands.

"Well I'm hitting a brick wall Joanne. Johnny made sure I couldn't get any information where he's working or where he lives now," Roy shook his head. "It's useless."

"Roy, you know my mother is coming this week," Joanne stated. She could all ready feel the tenseness in her husband.

The frustrated man rolled his eyes. "Just great Joanne, just freaking great."

"Honey, its all right, mother's changed, really." Joanne held his hands tighter.

Roy looked skeptical.

"No, really Roy, after all that's happened I think she saw the light," again she held his hands tighter. "Besides Romeo, we have a few hours until the kids get home from school."

"Romeo? Romeo?" Roy pointed to himself. "Are you making a pass at me Mrs. DeSoto?"

"Yes I am Mr. DeSoto, well?"

"You think I'm nuts? Let's go," he took her hand and they laughed like children as they headed up to their bedroom for some serious alone time.

###########

Phil's happiness was short lived as his mother suffered another setback and he wouldn't be heading back to LA anytime soon. Sighing, he made another phone call and thought about all his friends back in LA.

###########

For two weeks Roy suffered through his mother-in-law's visit and endured too many temporary partner's to speak off. True she wasn't as annoying as usual, but seemed to have respected their decision not to tell her and thanked him for keeping her daughter alive.

Dinner one night had been particularly tense as the children were fighting who sat next to grandma.

"Now children, behave yourself or no one will sit next to me," Grandma looked at the children.

"You heard her," Roy looked at the woman whom he dreaded seeing each year.

"Roy you raised wonderful children and I could see you've had a rough day. Would it be all right if I take the children for ice cream?" The older lady asked sweetly.

Roy shook his head and blinked his eyes, this was the first time in many years she had actually asked for something.

"No Roy you're not dreaming," she smiled and reached for her daughter's hand. "I've been wrong about you all these years. I'm hoping we can come to an understanding and make this work. Since I want to see my grandchildren, my daughter and you. Since you saved her, I owe you an apology."

Again Roy was speechless and just nodded.

##########

God, Johnny hating being sick; it forced him to think too much. His stomach grumbled and he pushed himself off the couch. Dressed in sweats, he was loath to admit he still wasn't close to one hundred percent and he still had to make amends with the guys at his station.

Opening up the fridge, he found cheese slices and some white bread and butter. Putting them on the counter he pulled out two cans of tomato soup. He found a large pot and a griddle. The first smell of tomato made him smile, recalling when he was nine years old and his mother had made him lunch on a rainy Saturday since Dad was at work. Seeing the soup almost ready he buttered the bread, put some butter on the griddle and slid the three slices, butter down on the griddle. Then he took the three slices of cheese, taking off the protective wrap and put them down on the bread.

Smiling he finished the sandwiches, placed them on a paper plate, poured his soup in a huge bowl, but first grabbed a knife and poured himself a tall glass of milk. Juggling his meal he set it down on the small table in his kitchen and put everything down. He cut each sandwich into two triangles, and then sat down.

Taking great care he dunked the cheese triangles into the hot soup and brushed the excess before putting it in his mouth. The melted cheese and tomato fueled his mouth for more and within a few minutes he had ate everything and was very tired. Other memories crowded his thoughts eating the sandwich and soup, happier times when innocent childhood and laughter filled their small house. Glumly he looked at the empty bowl and plate, got up and quickly cleaned them and the memories away.

John then went to the bathroom, did his business, took his meds and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over his head to block out the memories.

###########

Phil sighed. It wasn't meant to be; heading down south just wasn't possible. He would just have to wait and hope for the best.

#####

Roy cuddled closer to Joanne, his arms wrapped around her waist. They had just made love and he enjoyed her fragrance.

Joanne turned around and looked at her worried husband.

"Roy what's been going on?" Joanne could see something had been bothering her husband long before her mother arrived.

"I've been trying to get a hold of Johnny, Joanne to thank him for everything. It's . . . it's been useless and frustrating. Johnny moved and swore everyone to secrecy," Roy held his wife tighter. "I . . . we need to thank him, Joanne."

"Yes I know honey but what can you do? Johnny had his reasons maybe we should just let him be." Joanne always thought his Gage had been a bit strange but had a good heart; now she could see how it was tearing her husband apart and maybe it would be better to leave things as they were. "But what about the guys?" she asked.

Roy thought of the last shift with Chet, the only one who was close enough to Johnny to tell him anything.

_Roy found Chet in the backyard throwing baskets._

"_Hey Chet," The paramedic approached him cautiously._

"_What do you want, Roy?" Chet held the basketball close to his body. The cars on the freeway whizzed by, filling the silence._

"_I need your help Chet. I need to talk to Johnny," Roy's eyes pleaded with the lineman. He looked him straight in the eye, letting him know he was sorry and needed his help._

_Chet's mustache twitched. "So?"_

"_I need to know what station he's working out of," Roy demanded._

_Chet laughed. Hell, he didn't even know what station Gage worked at and where he lived who knew?_

"_What's so funny?" DeSoto's anger flared, more at the frustration of being able to do what he wanted and get some information on Gage._

"_Nothing. Listen DeSoto, get this, I'm telling you nothing, because I'm still pissed off at you and the way you treated Johnny. Frankly, he's better off with out you." Kelly stated, knowing his friend had been hurt badly by Roy only wouldn't admit it to himself._

_Roy stood opened mouth._

"_Furthermore, Gage doesn't want anything to do with you, or me, so just lay off," Chet pushed Roy away as he made his way back into the station._

Roy sighed. "Jo, honey I can't call headquarters; it's not like I'm family and knowing Johnny I'm sure he covered that base too."

Joanne ran her finger over Roy's lips. "So what are you going to do?"

"Joanne, babe, I'm going to be working a lot of OT, not because we need the money, because Johnny's around here somewhere, and then switch shifts. I just need five minutes with Johnny and maybe we can be friends again." Roy kissed his wife hard and wiped the tears from his eyes.

##########

Roy was tired as he changed into his civvies and then realized it was his lucky day. He was off to a paramedic conference, an all county conference. He would have to run into Gage there, he was hopeful, and then he would have to plan his words very carefully.

The sandy haired paramedic was late; traffic had been a bitch and his chance to find Johnny quickly faded. The lot of the hospital was full and there would be no chance to find his former partner's car.

Finding his way to a conference he slid into the desk at the very back of the large room, there were about fifty paramedics he figured, half were on duty, half not and it was difficult to find the back of the head of his friend. Craning his neck, he tried not to be obvious as he listened to the lecture. Hopefully Gage hadn't cut his head; otherwise he was totally screwed and wouldn't find his friend. But he tired to think positively if he was to get anywhere with his former partner. He had all ready rehearsed what he was going to say when he was stuck in the god awful traffic.

Making a few notes, DeSoto waiting for the break to be called, then he could mingle and hopefully find Johnny. The minutes seemed to last forever and he found himself constantly checking his watch, thankful he was far away from watchful eyes.

"All right gentlemen, we'll have a fifteen minute break and then continue," the lecturer stated.

Roy watched as the men filed out in twos and threes. He was still unable to identify his former partner; frustrated he made his way out to the hall for some much needed coffee. He turned only to be stopped by one of the youngest paramedics he had seen. The young man looked at his name tag.

"So you're Roy DeSoto?" the man seemed excited and smiled a great deal.

"Yeah, so?" Roy craned his neck looking at all the other paramedics as this man blocked his way and his precious few minutes.

"I'm Carl Bing, paramedic," Carl offered his sweaty hand. "Wow you know you're a legend," the young paramedic smiled. "I heard about the first class and how you helped get the bill passed that made this possible." He glowed.

"Well I didn't do it myself you know. We had plenty of help," Roy took a step only to find it blocked. He still found he could look at the men lingering in the hall. The youngster was bothering him and his mission.

"So tell me what it was like? I mean to be the first?" Carl seemed enthralled. He wanted to hear the other side of the story.

"Hey it would take all day and we don't have much time and . . ." Roy lifted up his hands in defeat, hoping the young man would get the message.

"Tell you what, I work over at 43's. Give me a call and then you can tell me all about the olden times with nurses in the squad," Carl winked.

"Yeah sure, now if you'll excuse me," Roy bolted, scanning all the men only to be called back again for the rest of the conference. Another dead end.

Frowning, he drove home. Well, there would be overtime and a lot of switched shifts since he would find John Gage if it killed him.


	20. Chapter 20

LOC20

Roy was tired as he changed in the locker room. This had been his second week of overtime and he was no closer to finding Gage then before. But he would keep it up.

#####

Carl smiled since his partner was finally coming back to work. He really wanted to talk to him about his previous partner, Roy DeSoto. The paramedic didn't really know what to expect when seeing Roy DeSoto; to him he was just another firefighter, plain and boring it seemed. The guy seemed rude and distant; this was their champion of the paramedic program? Some hero, Carl thought.

#####

Johnny was glad he was back at work; he was getting too depressed at home. Driving to the station with a box of donuts on his passenger seat, he could feel his mood lift as he pulled into the yard. Whistling he took out the donuts, put them in the kitchen and then headed to the locker room to change. It was going to be a good shift.

"Hey guys," the dark haired paramedic waved to his shift mates.

"Glad to have you back, Johnny," Carl made his way over and patted his friend on his shoulder.

The captain came in and made announcements. After radio and supply check Carl looked at his well- rested friend.

"Hey Johnny, can I ask you something?" Carl looked intently at Gage.

"Yeah sure anything," Johnny eyed Carl wondering what was on his mind.

"What was it like working with . . ."

Tones ended their conversation and the topic of Roy DeSoto was quickly discarded.

#####

Roy yawned as he changed. The last two shifts of overtime had proved fruitless. He was no closer to finding his former paramedic partner then when he first transferred. Introduced to another nameless temporary partner, the sandy haired man would have to rethink his strategy about finding his guardian angel.

Once changed he headed to the apparatus bay; whomever his new partner was didn't matter any more. He wondered if Phil was ever coming back or if he would again be friends with John Gage. Only time would tell.

At lunch after a run, the phone rang for Roy.

"Yeah, this is Roy DeSoto," Roy stifled a yawn, "you are? That's great. Let me get a pencil and paper so I can write it down." He found a tablet and pencil, quickly writing down the station address and his next overtime shift in search of his former partner.

Hank Stanley watched his tired paramedic and friend. He knew why Roy was suddenly working overtime and out of his normal purview, but John had sworn him to secrecy. He now had second thoughts about the once close friends and his decision to keep them apart.

Roy sat down, finished his lunch and looked at his shift mates.

"So?" Roy glared at each man.

"Nuthin," Chet found his chips interesting.

"Hey, not me," Marco pushed his chair and started clearing dishes.

"So why all the overtime?" Mike eyed the cautious paramedic.

"None of your business is why." Roy stood up, cleaned his dishes, and then walked over to the sink. He walked to the side door and headed to the yard. The dull rush of traffic settled him.

DeSoto watched the traffic on the freeway, hoping to find some answers, because so far it was like he had been hitting his head against a brick wall. He had learned not to bring up Gage's name. To him it seemed they were protective of him, so he had kept his mouth shut and learned less about his errant partner.

Stanley walked to his office, shut the door and dialed a number.

"Capt Halliard, Station 43," came a reply.

"Hello it's me Stanley, how's our favorite paramedic doing?" Hank said cryptically.

"Well he's back to work and looking good, Hank. Seems he has a new attitude even I can't displace and he wants to make 43 his home."

"Oh," Hank sighed. "I guess . . ." He heard a commotion. "I have to go. Talk to you later."

Opening the door, he walked to the day room to see Mike standing between Roy and Chet.

"Just what the hell is going on?" Hank steeled his eyes at Chet. Marco was holding Chet back and the new guy, Stan, was back by the sink. Two chairs were on the floor and both men looked like they could kill each other. "You twits."

"This bastard," Roy pointed to Chet, "doesn't think I'm good enough for Johnny."

"Well this bastard,"Chet pointed to Roy, "deserves everything he gets!"

"Just calm down both of you. Marco, take Chet outside to cool down. Roy come with me to my office," Stanley ordered still unable to comprehend what he had just seen.

######

Phil sighed as he drove out of San Francisco, leaving his wife and child behind, and headed back to Los Angeles. He had already put his application in for the medic program, sorry he had to choose between being a firefighter or a paramedic, which was because of John Gage. Smiling, he remembered a conversation he had with Gage while still at the academy.

"_So you're married huh?" Johnny yawned as they lay in their bunks after a long hard day._

"_Yeah, this is rough you know, being away from my wife," Phil sighed._

_There was silence._

"_You got family, Johnny?" Nolan looked over at his roommate._

"_Yeah, I do. So what do you think of your mother in law, Phil?"_

"_Well Johnny, mothers-in-law ain't what they're cracked up to be. Man, Trudi's mom is just great almost like another mother if you know what I mean," Phil laughed. "I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law."_

"_You know what they say don't you?" Johnny yawned._

"_What?" Phil was curious._

"_Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Good night Phil."_

"_Night Johnny."_

Phil never did learn about Johnny's family but learned he was a man to be trusted with his life and secrets.

Now he was heading back to say good bye to his life in L.A. and going back home to San Fran. Oh well, who knew what life holds.

#####

"All right Roy, what the hell was that about?" Stanley pointed a finger at the closed door.

"I was asking Chet to help me find Johnny. I know he knows where Johnny lives and I'm going to talk to him if it kills me," Roy said raggedly, still fighting his reaction to the feisty mustached Irishman.

"Roy I know you've been working a lot of overtime outside of our battalion—is that why?" Stanley leaned on his desk, growing older with each question.

"Sure. I know Johnny wouldn't want to run into me so I've been trying to work any station I can to find out about Johnny," Roy looked at his feet. "With no luck, too."

"Roy," Hank sighed and wished he could help. Suddenly he had an idea.

"Roy, where did you first train to be a paramedic?" Stanley asked innocently.

Roy looked up, his blue eyes piercing Hank like he had gone crazy. "Um, Harbor General."

"And you and Gage trained where?" Stanley crossed his arms.

"Rampart. Cap . . ." Roy was wondering about the twenty questions.

"So Roy, do you ever think of saints, like the ones who loved animals?" Stanley headed towards the door of the office.

Recognition dawned on DeSoto's face and he smiled.

"Bottom drawer. As far as I know he works the same schedule, and we never had this conversation," Hank waved and closed the door behind him, hoping to save his crew.


	21. Chapter 21

LOC 21

Roy had been unlucky with the two other stations he had traded shifts with. Johnny's name had not come up and he was quickly becoming discouraged. He had two other stations to work in St. Francis's purview and then knew he was done; he would have to run into Gage at some conference or another. Worse, it had been a slow shift; he was working as a lineman and had fought two trash can fires. For once in his life he was praying for a large structure fire which would entail all the stations getting called out.

##########

At two a.m. Roy got his wish. Tones sounded and the shift went into action. Quickly slipping on his turnout gear he went into automatic and made his way to the apparatus bay, hoping to to run into Gage somewhere along the way.

"**STATION 56, STATION 43, STATION 115, BATTLION 20. STRUCTURE FIRE AT 1308 WILSHIRE WAY, CROSS STREET COMPTON. TIME OUT 2:20"**

Climbing on the engine Roy's heart raced, wondering if his luck would change and he would finally find Johnny and be able to talk to him for a few scant minutes. As the engine drove up to the fire, he could see it a good half a mile away. He had gotten his wish. DeSoto jumped off the engine and waited for his orders, licking his lips he could see it was a large abandoned warehouse. Flames were already shooting up from the roof and it was couple of stories high. His heart quickened as he watched other firefighters attack the building.

"All right DeSoto take two and a half and go to the north side," his captain ordered.

With so many engine companies the large structure fire was quickly put down; however with the toxic fumes SCBA gear was still required. DeSoto was taking care of a pillar still filled with embers, concentrating on his work.

Gage was pulling up cardboard when he noticed a familiar name on a turnout, DeSoto. He blinked again not sure of what he was seeing, knowing even Chet didn't know what station he worked at. Roy was intent on knocking out the embers in the pillar and the fire was mostly out. Still, toxic fumes filled the air and the masks were both a help and hindrance. With his prod, Johnny moved some wet cardboard checking for hidden embers. Then he heard the noise.

_What the hell?_ Then he noticed the slight groan and creak of the ceiling and where his former paramedic partner was.

"ROY!" Johnny yelled through the SCBA gear. His breath fogging up the unit. "Roy!"

Roy stopped what he was doing and listened. All he could hear were men talking and the sound of fires still burning.

Johnny heard the ceiling groan louder "DESOTO!"

Roy again stopped what he was doing for an instant, shrugged and continued his work.

"Oh, hell," Johnny mumbled and ran as fast as he could to DeSoto; he knocked him down just as the ceiling came crashing down on both of them.

##########

Roy opened his eyes and looked up at stars in his field of vision. He smelled smoke and heard a voice.

"St. Francis, patient is now conscious," the voice said.

"10-4, 115. Give us another set of vitals," another voice responded.

"10-4"

A piercing white light was thrust in his eyes. His left shoulder was on fire and he was having hard time breathing.

"Okay, now that you're awake want to tell me your name and what day it is?"

"Roy DeSoto, Wednesday. I was working station 56 as a lineman," he answered. Then he coughed and almost fainted.

"Hey that's DeSoto," Carl looked at the injured man.

"You know him?" the other paramedic asked.

"Yeah, he used to be Johnny's partner," Carl could see Roy was in distress.

"Johnny? Where's Johnny?" Roy eyes showed feared and confusion.

"He saved your ass, DeSoto," Carl spat, "They're digging him out now."

"Oh god. Oh god," Roy mumbled. "My fault. All my fault."

The ambulance sirens stopped and the attendants got out with a gurney and headed towards Roy and the paramedic from 115.

"St. Francis, ambulance has arrived on scene."

"10-4 115 transport as soon as possible."

"No," Roy looked at the man. "Not until Gage is out."

"DeSoto!" The other paramedic chastised him.

"Please, damn it. He saved my life," Roy begged.

"115, is patient ready to transport," the biophone squawked.

The paramedic looked at Roy and the biophone then picked it up.

"Negative St. Francis. Patient is refusing transport until second patient is extricated."

There was silence on the other end of the phone and all three men waited impatiently.

"115 is patient stable?"

"Affirmative St. Francis and coherent. Request permission to transport both patients at once."

"Affirmative 115. Please send vital signs of patient one every five minutes."

"10-4 St. Francis" and then the paramedic gasped as Gage was laid next to DeSoto.

Turning his head, Roy saw cuts and lacerations on Johnny's face, then noticed he was on a backboard and had a c collar on. Then Gage's turnout coat was removed to show blood everywhere. At that point the world turned black for DeSoto.

########

Roy opened his eyes once again, the harsh examination room lighting forced him to close his eyes immediately.

"I need you to open your eyes please," a soothing voice ordered.

His eyes opened and the injured paramedic looked at the man with glasses, green eyes, and brown hair.

"I'm Doctor Joel Silverstien, head of the ER at St. Francis. Can you tell me your name?" Joel crossed his arms.

"Roy DeSoto. It's Wednesday, and I was working at station 56. I think I'm going to be sick," Roy turned his head to find an emesis bowl and a friendly face.

"Hullo luv. I'm Millie," she smiled and he blushed.

"Well Roy we'll get some x-rays and see if we can't alleviate some of your pain."

"Johnny," Roy whispered, "what about Johnny?" and looked into the doctor's eyes.

"Millie can you help Roy here," Silverstien watched as the x ray machine and technician came in.

Nodding solemnly she looked at the injured man who had tears in his eyes. "They rushed him up to the OR, Roy. He'll be okay," Millie patted his arm.

"Thank you," Roy whispered. "I thought he was . . ."

"Not Johnny, luv, he's a tough one, isn't he doctor?" Millie looked to the doctor.

"Yes, I heard he has nine lives. Well, let's get those x-ray's Roy," Silverstien and Millie made their way out of the room and DeSoto closed his eyes and prayed.

##########

Johnny felt like he was floating, the rush of waves filled his ears and he was speechless. He thought he heard Roy's voice. He was thankful he had saved his former friend; he wasn't going to all the trouble to save Joanne and then leave the children fatherless, something he knew about intimately.

The cooing of Millie meant he was at St. Francis and he gave into the darkness.

##########

When Roy opened his eyes, he found himself in a hospital room and heard a woman's soft crying.

"Oh Roy," Joanne wiped the tears from her eyes and hugged him.

The paramedic knew his ribs had been wrapped, along with his shoulder; he was on a nasal cannula and clearly could see an IV on his uninjured arm. His wife crying meant only one thing: Gage was dead and it was his fault, since if he had never pushed his friend away the ceiling wouldn't have collapsed on him.

"Oh my god," Roy whispered. "Johnny's dead isn't he?" He was forcing himself to face the truth.

"No Roy, honey, he's not dead. He's in a coma in ICU. I'm so sorry Roy. I shouldn't have pushed you to find him. It's all my fault," Joanne cried harder.

"Babe, how is it your fault?" the injured man blinked back the tears when he knew he had been the cause of all of it.

Joanne sat on the edge of the bed. "Roy, it well . . . since things were back to normal," she held tighter onto her handkerchief. "I realized how much we both needed Johnny."

Roy nodded. "Joanne, I understand. I didn't realize how much he'd become a part of our family, hell even the station's family." Roy smiled.

"Yes he is," Joanne held tight to Roy's good hand.

The door to the room opened and Millie came in.

"I see you found Roy," Millie came to them.

"Yes and thank you for everything," Joanne gave a quick smile.

"Millie? Millie I need to see Johnny," Roy stated, needing the reassurance his friend was still alive.

"In case you haven't noticed Roy, you have an IV and really shouldn't be moved," Millie crossed her arms but could see pain in the paramedic's eyes.

"You don't understand Millie, Johnny; well he's saved my life, more times than I can count and especially tonight. I really need to see him, please," Roy whispered.

Millie could see the fear and pain in Roy's eyes and remembered all the times Johnny had talked fondly of his former partner. Dixie had called her from what she found out and could see how Roy had tried to find Gage again. Sighing she knew Johnny's condition was grave and didn't want the paramedic to have any regrets.

"I'll see what I can do luv," she turned and left the frightened couple still holding tightly onto one another.


	22. Chapter 22

Loc22

Roy held tightly onto Joanne's hand while they waited for Millie to return. Every time he closed his eyes he could see blood and John's ashen face. Before long Millie showed up with a wheelchair with a hook for his I.V. Both his wife and nurse helped him into the chair, but first they put a robe and slippers on him.

They rode up in silence to I.C.U. the hushed tones of the hall making the grave situation apparent. Reaching the waiting area, the paramedic saw men in turnouts, uniforms and civvies, firemen waiting to hear about Gage's condition. Sighing, Millie disappeared to talk to a doctor and left him with the men.

"Hey," Carl came forward glaring at him.

"Hello," Roy frowned now recognizing the man from the conference and Gage's partner. "I'm sorry," was all his could find to say.

"Yeah I'm sure you are," Carl stuck his hands in his pockets and returned to the waiting area.

Introductions were made and it made DeSoto feel worse. These were Johnny's friends and comrades; he wasn't, hadn't been what seemed like two lifetimes. Silence ensued after what little small talk there was. He could feel Joanne's hand on his shoulder but he still felt like a first class heel.

Roy looked at the men of Johnny's station and wondered if he even had the right to see him. Biting his lower lip, he could see how much John's shift mates, hell all the men cared about Gage and here he was the one responsible. Closing his eyes he again felt helpless and useless unsure of his position and if he should just go back to his room.

A soft hand brought him out of his misery and looked at Millie.

"Come luv, the doctor says five minutes for both of you," Millie gave a small smile, Joanne pushed the wheelchair and followed the nurse into I.C.U.

Roy put his good hand to his mouth as he looked at Gage, who was now hooked up to every machine he could think of, and tried not to gasp. "Oh God!" the paramedic whispered.

Joanne cried silent tears as she walked over to Johnny's bed. The small white bandages, the beeping of the machines and the constant drip of I.V.s only heightened Roy's awareness of his former partner's injuries.

The few minutes ticked by and seemed like days to Roy. Millie came in and then wheeled Roy back to his room. It still took Joanne and the nurse to get him back in bed; by that time the sandy haired man felt like he had fought two high rise fires and then three water rescues.

##########

Chet looked at his friend lying on bed, still hooked to machines but at least off the ventilator.

"Chet?" Johnny turned to the lineman.

"Hey man. Don't talk," Chet cautioned now leaning on the side arms of the bed.

"Seen Roy?" Gage coughed.

"No man, I haven't."

"You promised, Chester B." Johnny looked at Chet's blue eyes.

"I know man, I know." Kelly placed his hand on Gage's shoulder. "You sure are certifiable Johnny."

"Yeah, so go see Roy already. I'm tired," Johnny closed his eyes.

"All right. All right," Chet said dejectedly. "I'll see ya later." But Gage was already asleep.

On the elevator ride down, Chet thought of the last conversation he had with Gage before his injury. It had been on the phone.

"_You got to apologize to Roy, Chet," Johnny demanded._

"_Look man, I'm not going to apologize to that self-satisfied, smug bastard, Johnny. It's beyond me why you even helped him," Kelly was exasperated Gage would even think of him saying sorry to the jerk._

"_Chet, I told you to cut Roy some slack. He's been through a lot, you know," Johnny sounded contrite and worried._

"_Yeah, so? Doesn't give him the right to act like a jerk. Which reminds me—you never told me why you've been helping him either. Why Johnny?" Kelly asked, since it had been a concern since this whole mess had started._

"_It's complicated Chet, all right. You got to watch each other's back and it sure would make me feel better if you guys were friends again."_

"_You're asking a lot Gage. A whole hell of a lot," Chet almost shouted into the headset._

"_Chester B. you know you aren't the easiest guy to get along with." Gage gently reminded him._

"_So?" Kelly retorted knowing the truth hurt._

"_So if nothing else do it for me, pally. I'm asking ya." Gage pleaded. "Promise me. I got to know you guys are watching each other's backs."_

"_All right Johnny I'll do it for you and not DeSoto. Happy now?" Kelly said sadly._

"_Yeah, thanks Chet. I got to go now."_

"_Sure hang up now after all the hard work is done," Chet lamented. "Leave a guy high and dry."  
_

"_Good bye Chet," Johnny laughed._

"_Good bye Johnny," Kelly laughed and hung up the phone._

Opening the door to DeSoto's room he looked at the paramedic's face. He had seen the forlorn and lost look a few times, both when Gage had been seriously sick and injured. Sighing he headed over to the sandy haired paramedic.

Roy was staring into nothingness when someone coughed. He turned to see Chet Kelly standing there dressed in jeans and a polo shirt. Roy had been in the hospital for a very long week and was expected to go home tomorrow. Chet Kelly was the last person he expected to see seeing they had almost come to blows.

"Hey Roy," Chet waved and came closer to the bed.

"Hey Chet," Roy said quietly knowing now Chet had been right all along.

"Um, I just finished seeing Johnny," Chet was at the foot of the bed, his hands stuck in his pockets with a glum look on his face, making Roy tenser.

"How's he doing?" Roy pulled tighter on his sheets.

"Well he's off the ventilator and complaining already." Chet smiled.

"Oh," Roy's jaws tightened.

"Look Roy, about what happened at the station . . ."

He hadn't seen John since he was admitted. The guilt ate at him and seeing his former partner fighting for his life made him feel more useless. "So go ahead Chet, lay it on me . . . tell me you were right, that I don't deserve to call Johnny a friend . . . that I'm not worth it and if I had respected Johnny's wishes he wouldn't be up there fighting for his life. Go ahead, I deserve it," Roy's voice broke and with his good hand he gripped the sheet tighter.

"But . . ."

"I'm a total jerk, Chet. Surprised you guys haven't punched me out sooner."

"But Roy . . ."

"I really don't know why Johnny did what he did. I know he's a nut, but a nice one and I sure as hell don't deserve anyone like him. So you just say the word Chet and I'll transfer my sorry ass out of the station."

"But Roy . . ." Chet looked at the injured man, licked his lips and then stared at Roy.

Roy's good arm was flailing about as his blood pressure got higher and higher. Finally Chet had to stop him before he hurt himself further.

"MAN ROY! Look, I was wrong," Chet took his hands out of his pockets and took hold of the bed.

"Huh?" DeSoto wasn't sure what he heard.

"I was jealous, okay? Anytime I saw Johnny he was always asking about you, Joanne and Phil. He still missed everyone and I could tell. I'm real sorry Roy." There was sincerity in the lineman's voice.

Roy pushed himself back into his pillows and sighed heavily.

"Well, um, I've got to go. I've got some errands to do. I'll see you around," Chet waved and made a hasty exit.

The sandy haired man closed his eyes, bit his lower lip and rubbed at his eyes. He was tired and hurt; where was the nurse with his meds? He needed to sleep.

#########

Going in and out of consciousness Gage was only slightly aware of who was around him; he was able to detect perfumes and colognes to see who had visited him. The first week in I.C.U. was nothing but a haze of pain and more pain.

"Good morning luv," Millie brushed a strand of hair away from his eyes.

"Millie, is Roy okay?" was the first thing out of John's mouth.

"Yes luv, you saved him. He was only slightly injured, broken collar bone, a few broken ribs and a bad concussion." She was checking his I.V.'s and tried to appear calm.

"Good, good," he responded faintly, then John was asleep again.

#########

Roy was home soon enough, lying on the couch as he tried to watch TV. Joanne was out running errands, the kids were in school and he was alone with his thoughts. He had no worries; Gage's friends were looking after him. Biting his lower lip, he thought about it; he had been too dense and thick to see what was right in front of him, the problem was he still didn't know what made Johnny transfer in the first place. Sure, they had had their differences but had always worked through them, why couldn't Johnny talk to him? He ran his good hand over his face and sighed, realizing he had the answers but just wasn't ready to face them.

#########

Shut behind the four walls of his hospital room, Johnny stared slack jawed as the endless array of soap operas went through their cycle. What bothered him was that Roy had found him somehow. It wasn't the way it was supposed to work; DeSoto was much better without him, Phil should have been Roy's partner all along.

"Hey Johnny," a familiar voice called and Gage clicked off the TV.

"Hey Phil," Johnny tried to smile and found it exhausted him. He noticed his friend's shoulders were slumped and something was bothering him.

"So how are you doing pally?" Phil placed an In and Out bag down along with a strawberry shake.

"Much, much better," Johnny dove into the bag making the contents disappear in ten minutes. "I'll pay for it later."

"Yeah, I'm sure you will," Phil pulled up a chair and stared at his friend.

"All right Phil what is the matter? I've seen you a few times and there's something on your mind. Spill it man," Gage pushed himself further into the pillows.

"I'm afraid I'm going to let you down," Phil stated and looked at the still ashen faced paramedic.

"Let me down? Man, you can never let me down." Johnny smiled.

"Well, um, I'm moving back up to the bay area. Johnny, it's like this . . ." 

"Phil how many times have I told you, family comes first, man. You aren't letting me down. Now if you weren't moving then I'd be pissed."

"Yeah well, Johnny. I'm going to miss you, you know. You grow on people."

"Wait Phil, have you seen Roy yet?" Johnny asked hopefully.

"Nope he's still recuperating, hasn't even been by the station yet,' Phil have turned to leave.

Johnny frowned; it wasn't like Roy not to visit the station. "Thanks for dropping by Phil, and let me know if you need any help moving, kay?"

"Sure Johnny, you take care now."

##########

Roy was enjoying a cup of coffee when the phone rang. His arm was now in a sling, the cast had been removed but he was still on medical leave. His driving was haphazard and he had to admit he was getting anxious to go back to work. Brackett hadn't even released him to at least be a dispatcher. Extra money in their savings made things easier; hell, Gage had made things easier, again.

"DeSoto residence," he answered automatically.

"Hey Roy," Chet's cheery voice answered.

"Hey Chet," Roy questioned why the phantom would call him.

"Um, Phil's back," Kelly sounded thrilled.

"Phil?" Roy ran his good hand over his face.

"Yeah, Phil Nolan, your paramedic partner," Kelly said exasperated.

"Well that's nice Chet . . ."

"He wants to talk to you."

"I got to go, Chet and . . ."

"Wait a minute DeSoto," then Chet heard a distinct click of the phone.

"That's weird," Chet shook his head, "Roy didn't want to talk to you."

Phil frowned, "its okay Chet. Really."

Roy looked at the phone; another plan of Johnny's, a sad reminder to how much Gage had cared for him and his family, now a reminder of his stupidity.

Deflated, the injured paramedic made his way to the patio and carefully placed himself on a lawn chair. His ribs and broken collar bone were a sad reminder of his selfishness. It was where Joanne found her husband staring out into the yard, his face a mess of confusion and pain. She pulled up the other lawn chair and carefully placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Roy," she asked softly, "Roy what's wrong?" She had seen her husband this way a few times when he thought he was going to lose Johnny. The monkey virus and the snakebite had shown a tenuous connection between her husband and his partner. She knew being a firefighter was dangerous and it seemed more so since Roy had become a paramedic.

Joanne would be the first to admit John Gage set her alarm bells ringing wondering why in heaven's name he chose Gage as a partner. To her he seemed immature and egotistical, whereas her husband, only a year older, was more mature and steadfast. Then things changed as she saw how John's bravado hid other things, things he quickly changed subjects on. She overhead Roy asking about Johnny's family once and the dark haired paramedic quickly changed subjects. Her husband asked Johnny to come over for Christmas the first year they were partners and the man rebuffed Roy saying to her husband Christmas was for families and he wasn't family. But Joanne thought Roy invited him over as a buffer between him and her mother who hadn't gotten along since day one.

Now Roy sat there, lost and confused.

"Roy DeSoto what is the matter?" Joanne asked softly.

"What isn't the matter Joanne? I tried to see Johnny to talk to him and now he's in the hospital because of me," Roy said, crestfallen. "Joanne, don't you get it? Johnny doesn't want me for a friend and I refused to listen to him."

"Roy, I don't understand," Joanne took Roy's chin and looked into his troubled eyes.

Sighing, Roy finally told his wife what had transpired at Gage's old apartment and how he had finally found out Johnny had arranged for Phil Nolan to be his partner, the other things she knew about Gage being their guardian angel.

"Look Joanne, I always said Johnny was a nut and he is and it's just better this way," Roy set his mind.

"Roy DeSoto I can't believe what I'm hearing. John Gage was and is your partner and friend. You have a duty to find out why he transferred and I know you're afraid of the answers. But Roy, you wouldn't be his friend if you didn't find out." Joanne stated with finally.

Roy looked as his children played in the backyard.

"Roy, honey I know it's scary but we got through my cancer and we couldn't have done it without Johnny. You have to find out and convince him to come back in our lives. You became a paramedic and told me how scared you were having all those people's lives in your hands, but I know you can do this. Please Roy, I never seen you give up on anything." Tears freely flowed down Joanne's cheek.

##########

Phil was tinkering in the garage and looked at the unmade packing boxes. He had seen the realtor who would put the sign up and then the house would have to be spotless for too many strangers to walk through. His thoughts turned to John Gage, his mysterious friend, who could talk a blue streak about nothing but was the most caring person he knew. Hearing a car, he walked out of the garage to see a familiar Porsche pull up. He smiled and was glad the paramedic was making an appearance.

"Hey Roy," Phil waved at his partner.

Roy made a half hearted attempt with his arm; it was only recently that he had his injured arm free. He had just started P.T. this week.

"So you're not surprised to see me?" Roy looked quizzically at Phil.

Phil shrugged, "Want a beer?" Nolan reached into his small fridge, "um, maybe not if you're still on pain meds?"

Roy nodded and then Phil gave him a soda. "Why don't we go out back so we can talk privately?"

"Sure," Roy had noted the moving boxes and the for sale sign in the garage as he followed his friend to his back yard.

Sitting on the back steps each man popped the top of their cans and took a sip.

"Nice yard," Roy commented on the nice green carpet of grass along with a swing set and sand box.

"Yeah I'm going to miss it. What do you want to know Roy?" Phil asked.

"Huh? Um, everything?" Roy squeaked.

"Everything pal? Wow, you don't ask too much do you?" Nolan gave a short chuckle.

"No, just the best is all," Roy looked into his soda can. "That's why I picked John Gage for a partner."

"Yeah, Johnny's nothing but the best. Anyway Roy, I met John Gage at the academy."

Roy looked at Nolan, who admittedly was a few years older than him.

"Oh I was a late bloomer, but Gage; well he had a fire in his belly. Bound and determined to be a firefighter and no one was going to stop him. He was quick and learned quickly. Show Johnny something once and he had it down pat. The instructors gave him a lot of crap until . . ."

"Until what?" Roy asked knowing Johnny had never once mentioned his time at the academy or his previous stations.

"Well we had a training exercise, you know those four story jobbies? Anyway, one of the instructors fell down and there was Johnny carrying him down four flights of stairs without breaking a sweat. He got a lot more respect then," Phil took a drink of his beer.

"Oh."

"Yeah and then Johnny and I were lucky enough to be assigned to our first stations together as boots," Phil laughed and knew where Gage had met the phantom but he'd let Johnny tell him that. "Again he dealt with a lot of crap but he rescued a lot of people, was a born natural, you know." Phil smiled and looked pleased

"Yeah I know Johnny was a tough sale for the paramedics." Roy relived that fateful day at headquarters.

"Humph, didn't figure that one out," Phil turned to the injured man.

"Yeah Johnny did his homework, didn't want to sign up for title, but a job he said," Roy sighed remembering the doubting man who sat before him at the recruiting desk.

"Never figured that, because after he met you he acted like you were better then sliced bread." Phil smiled, "Man, Gage wouldn't let up, you know."

"Yeah, your guardian angel," Roy took another sip of soda.

"Yeah, and a tough one. He went after any guy who he thought would be a great paramedic, even guys he hated. Go figure," Phil laughed, "Johnny's one crazy son of a gun."

Roy nodded, "But a nice one," he added.

"Yeah that's why it kinda took me by surprise when he called me up wanting to know if I still wanted to transfer. Johnny sounded desperate and scared. I've never known Gage to be that way," Phil shook his head.

Roy sighed, "Dixie told him Joanne had cancer. She thought she was doing me a favor."

"Huh," Phil took a long swallow of his beer, "Johnny never mentioned that and then just as quick he told me to hold off. I'd admit Johnny can be a bit weird at times but it really took me, you know."

DeSoto nodded, "Cap wanted Johnny to wait a month, and figuring things would cool off between us."

"What? Johnny said you were one of the coolest dude's out there. Nothing shook you."

"Until my wife got breast cancer and I turned into a royal ass," Roy finished his soda and then crushed the can with his foot.

"Oh, Roy I didn't know anything until you told the whole shift and then as soon as I could I called Johnny. Oh crap," Phil finished his beer and stomped on the can too.

"How did he sound, Johnny I mean, when you told him?" the sandy haired man looked attentively at his counterpart.

"Um, there was a lot of silence, I thought Johnny dropped the phone or something," Phil's words hung there.

"Oh God, tell me Phil how would you feel if you told everybody but your best friend your wife had cancer?" DeSoto only had begun to realize how he'd hurt Gage, yet the man protected him.

"Man, Roy that's tough, but the only thing Johnny said was a lack of character. I asked him to explain it but he couldn't." Phil shrugged.

Then Phil really looked at Roy for whatever he was looking for. "I didn't have them did I?"

"Have the answers? No, Phil but its okay, really. I learned a lot about Johnny I never knew. You're a good friend to have Phil and I mean that," Roy slowly stood up and noticed the trash bag for the cans. "Extra money, huh?

"Yeah, too bad we don't get paid what were worth, huh?" Nolan laughed.

"Yeah," both men put the cans in the bag and headed inside.

"Mind if I use your phone?" Roy pointed to the phone on the bar.

"Sure, go ahead."

Roy picked up the handset and dialed home.

"Hi babe. No, didn't get the answers, I have one more stop. Then I should be home for dinner. I love you too. Say hi to the kids when they get home. Bye," Roy hung up the phone. "Oh, and Phil—if you need help moving just let me know. I should be one hundred percent by then. Thanks for being there. It means a lot to me."

Phil nodded and walked Roy to his car.

"See you in a few weeks then?" Nolan asked expectantly.

"Sure Phil, in a few weeks," Roy started the car and turned he was heading to the place he dreaded to go every since he saw Gage go there—the cemetery.


	23. Chapter 23

LOC 23

On the drive to the cemetery, Roy tried to figure out why he had been so hesitant to check out the place when he had the chance. His reasoning was he couldn't bear the thought of going there in case Joanne died. Yes, he knew everyone died but he couldn't bear to go and face the inevitable.

Pulling into the drive he found a small building which carried a graves directory. It was a small, intimate structure barely big enough to stand in, with a long shelf with several of the binders of the same information. He first turned to B since Drew Burke was the only death Roy knew to have really affected his friend. With his index finger he skimmed down and didn't find a Drew Burke, he shut the book and turned around to go out then stopped. He was running away and it just wasn't right. Turning back he went to the directory and started at the A's hoping a name would pop out at him, maybe a name he heard Johnny say or something.

DeSoto went through the A's along with the B, C, D, E and F then hesitated on the G's. He hoped he wouldn't find anything there but then his finger glided down the names and then stopped at Gage, Roderick and Evelyn. Roy remembered when Johnny had signed the paramedic application, John Roderick Gage and wondered if his family had adopted the father's first name as the son's middle name. A part of him wanted it to be so; another part was sad for his friend. Taking a piece of paper he made note of the markers and the location. Climbing into his car he felt heavy hearted and felt he was close to finding a reason for his friend's secrets.

Finding the markers he stepped out and immediately liked the view. The graves were high on a hill and overlooked the mountains; there were numerous trees and two concrete benches. The sky was a picture perfect blue with cotton candy clouds along with birds chirping signaling all was right with the world. Carefully walking to the graves he did a quick arithmetic on the graves dates and surmised his once paramedic partner was twelve or thirteen when his parents passed. Thirteen had been a rough age and he couldn't even begin to imagine life without the guidance of either of his parents.

Roy wasn't sure how long he sat there, but he knew it was part of the puzzle why Johnny had transferred, somehow feeling inferior to Roy when they were partners, equals in Roy's own mind. Driving home a plan started to formulate in his mind but it depended on one other person and he wasn't even sure if the man would talk to him.

###########

Going into shift Roy was happy to see Phil again and told him he would keep his moving plans a secret until Nolan was ready to reveal it. The shift was normal with the usual amount of calls and it had given a chance to ask Phil more questions about Gage.

"So Johnny was a nut back then too?" Roy laughed as they ate lunch at a burger stand near the station since Chet was cooking.

"Yeah but like you said, a nice one," Phil took a sip of his soda. "He had little old ladies wrapped around his finger but couldn't touch a cat for some reason. They'd always hiss or scratch at him."

"Well he didn't have a problem with dogs, let me tell you, if it's female he's in like Flint, otherwise he doesn't do too well," Roy gave a big toothy grin.

"Yeah poor Johnny," Phil laughed. "I'm just wondering why he can't seem to hold onto any girl though. Kinda sad," the paramedic got serious. "You wouldn't happen to know would you?"

Roy pointed to himself, "Me? Um, not exactly, but Johnny will have to tell us sometime. You know the big mystery."

"Yeah, um," Phil couldn't look Roy in the eyes, figuring he knew something. "Guess we'd better get back to the station before they send out a search and rescue team, huh."

Just then the HT beeped.

"Well no rest for the wicked I guess," Phil quipped.

##########

Roy walked calmly to the nurse's station at St. Francis and found Millie. It seemed to be a quiet day at the hospital and he hoped his nervousness didn't give him away.

"Good afternoon Millie," DeSoto said hesitantly.

"Ah, no need to be so formal Roy. Have you come to see Johnny? He's doing very well you know. I expect he'll be out of here soon," Millie smiled and looked happy.

"Well Millie I don't think Johnny wants to see me considering . . . however do you know if Carl, his paramedic partner visits him?" Roy crossed his arms feeling like he was violating some trust.

"Yes luv, usually about this time he comes down, in fact there he is!" Millie pointed to Carl and waved him over.

Carl came over a little surprised "Roy DeSoto?"

"Yeah in the flesh," Roy tried to make a joke.

"Well I'll leave you two alone," Millie disappeared on the floor.

"So Roy, why are you here?" Carl demanded.

"Um, I came to talk to you," Roy stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Talk to me, shouldn't you be talking to Johnny?" Carl was annoyed DeSoto didn't seem to get it.

"No, I need to talk to you Carl before I talk to Johnny. You know a patient's mental state is very important in their care and I need to know how Johnny is among other things. Is there anywhere we can talk privately?" Roy didn't like all the people on the floor staring at them.

Caught off guard, Bing blinked, "There's a burger joint a mile from here, can't miss it."

"Good," Roy patted Carl on the forearm. "I'll meet you there in ten minutes," then Roy was gone.

############

The young paramedic found Roy leaning against his sports car, something he never dreamed the married fireman to have.

"Hungry?" Roy asked as he led the young man into the fast food joint. Once the men ordered and then got there food, they chose an outside table under another hot, perfect California day making Roy sigh deeply.

Carl looked at Johnny's former partner; he wasn't the same proud man he had seen at the conference. There were deeper lines etched around the man's face, dark circles and no hint of a smile.

"All right Roy what do you want to know?" Carl's eyes bored into him. Roy cleared his throat.

"Everything?" DeSoto smiled unsure of what he had asked Johnny's partner for.

"Everything, huh? Kinda vague, don't ya think?" Carl smiled.

"Look Carl, I know I don't have any right to ask you anything, or speak to me for that matter. I really screwed up and I'm sorry," Roy sipped at his soda.

Carl looked surprised. "The great Roy DeSoto screw up? I don't think so, why the way Johnny talked you were the God of paramedics."

Roy blushed. "Me? Me? I don't think so, there were a few times I was ready to quit; if it wasn't for Johnny I would have."

Carl laughed and then looked at him.

"What's so damn funny?" Roy wanted in on the joke.

"You, man, Gage said you were the biggest supporter of the program . . . you recruited him. Don't you find that ironic?" Carl smiled mischievously.

"Yeah, but like I said Johnny talked some sense into me and I didn't quit or take the promotion," Roy took a savage bite of his burger.

There was silence as the men finished their meals. Carl looked at the older man and sighed.

"All right Roy you want everything, man you're going to get it," Bing took a last sip of his soda. "When I heard I was getting John Gage as a partner I was in heaven, man. See, we heard about you and Gage in training, you know the perfect paramedic team. I didn't care why or how he came to be my partner, I was just damn glad."

Carl looked out at the traffic. "Not everyday you get to work with a living legend, you know. But Johnny never saw it that way, he was always . . ."

"Doing his job," Roy sighed

"Yeah, always, no matter the danger as long as we got the patient out alive and stable was all that counted. Now, me," Bing pointed to himself. "I could listen all day to the stories about you and your rescues but Johnny, well he sounded odd. I really couldn't put my finger on it. I mean, man he was talking as if he wouldn't see you again, ever, man."

DeSoto laced his fingers together and placed them on the table.

"I finally figured it out with the pancake breakfast, you know. Man the way Gage was acting you would have thought he gave your wife cancer." Carl's eyes pierced into Roy's. "Man, I don't have a clue what it would be like if my wife had cancer, but it seemed to be eating Johnny alive. The look in those eyes and he wasn't sleeping either. Tried to hide it, you know, be the first up in the morning, making coffee and breakfast. But he had that stare, you know, the thousand yard stare, man. Gave me the creeps."

"So the pancake breakfast is a big hit, I mean really huge and Johnny acts like it was nothing, hell he wouldn't even let you know what he did man. So I figured all the stories I heard about him were true," Carl shrugged and looked at Roy.

"Stories?" Roy scratched his nose.

"Yeah that Gage was one crazy dude, you know. So that's what I thought, then comes the new year and we're old buddies, pallies and he doesn't bring your name up once, not once, like you didn't exist even though Millie and Silverstien bring up your name and Johnny gives them this blank stare," Carl shook his head, "Just crazy, man, crazy."

Roy nodded in agreement.

"Then word gets out you're working at St. Francis and Johnny freaks, really freaks. He drove everyone at the station crazy, wondering why you were working so close, but he wouldn't say why. Do you know—I mean of course you know," Carl smiled.

"Carl, I just found out recently Johnny's been helping me and my family all the time Joanne was fighting cancer." Roy rubbed his hands over his face. "I really don't know why Johnny transferred. I mean I have an idea, and that's all it is. All the overtime and everything else Johnny did for me and mine, I . . . I feel ashamed because quite frankly I didn't think Gage would be able to handle it."

"But," Carl protested. "Not handle it Roy? Isn't that a condescending attitude to take?" Carl was mad, "Geez, it's not enough to fight fires, he drowns in blood and he couldn't handle it!"

"Yes I'm sorry for underestimating my partner and that's why I had to see Johnny. I found out he moved and I really needed to apologize." _Among other things._ "You see Carl, I was a real bastard when I found out Joanne had cancer. I thought," Roy put his hands to his chest. "I thought I could do it alone, you know, but I was wrong and lost a friend and partner for it. So you see I started working at stations to try to find John so I could have five minutes and maybe, just maybe try to make amends. Stupid huh?"

Carl shook his head "No Roy not stupid. Cause you see, Johnny still cared about you and your family. Sure he worked with me and the rest of the guys at 43s but everyone knew you and Gage were meant to stay partners and the guys at 51s are his family."

Roy's mouth dropped open.

"See Chet dropped by a few times when I was hanging out with Gage and sure he tried to play it low key, you know his way, like he didn't give a damn, but the minute Chet said something about what happened at 51s Johnny kinda pounced on it and wouldn't let up until the damn hose man told everything. So why did you really want to talk to me Roy?" Bing looked him straight in the eyes, making him blink a few times with the intensity of the stare.

"Well Carl, I have a huge favor to ask." Roy stared right back at the young paramedic.

"Anything you want, Roy. Anything for John Gage," Bing gave back the biggest grin. 


	24. Chapter 24

LOC 24end

Johnny looked out of the window of his hospital room, Carl had just left and right now he was feeling sorry for himself. Here he had good friends and all he could think about were the Desoto's.

"Oh man," he mumbled. "If I wasn't such a coward I wouldn't be here right now." Gage sighed and pushed back into the bed falling into an exhausted nap.

#########

One day seemed to meld into another and Johnny's patience had worn thin. He liked visitors and what they held, but he just wanted to go home. But home would give him more time to think, think of all the things he had done wrong and why Roy didn't seem to get it. Carl had told him his former partner had wanted to see him for a few minutes, a stupid reason, in Johnny's mind. He didn't deserve friends like Roy or even warrant visits from them. Didn't they all get it? John Gage was a loser in every since of the word.

#########

"Ready to get out of here Johnny?" Millie smiled at her favorite paramedic.

"You know it. I've been waiting to get out of here since I got here," Johnny pulled on his jeans, shirt and slipped on the pair of shoes he was handed.

"Um where's my ride?" the injured paramedic was looking for Carl.

"Downstairs, with your discharge papers," the head nurse patted Gage as he climbed into the dreaded wheelchair.

Leaning on his duffle, Johnny didn't talk as they took the elevator down to the ground floor. It wasn't Rampart but it was home for the time being. Silverstien, Millie, Greg and the nurses weren't quite Rampart but it was pretty damn close. Most of all he missed Roy but after the stunt he had pulled he hoped DeSoto had finally gotten the message; he was better off without him.

Wheeled out to the front of the hospital he found Roy leaned against the Porsche, his smile wide and his arms crossed.

"Didn't think they'd ever let you out of there Junior," Roy smiled

Johnny glared at Millie.

"W-w-where's Bing?" Gage finally found his voice.

"At home," Roy continued to smile. "I blackmailed him Johnny. Sorry." _After we make a small detour._

"Fine, take me back to my room and call Carl!" Johnny demanded of the nurse.

"I'm sorry luv, it's either Roy here or another two week stay in the hospital, you know you're still weak as a kitten," Millie patted the top of his head.

Johnny glared at Roy and then at Millie again. "You're blackmailing me aren't you? YOU know how much I hate hospitals."

"I'm sorry Johnny," Roy looked at his former partner. "I had to do what I had to do."

The injured man looked at his duffle, picked it up and threw it as hard as he could into Roy's stomach.

"Ouff," DeSoto caught it and tossed it in the back of the car. "I take it that's a yes?"

Millie moved the wheelchair to the open seat and Johnny climbed in, purposely not looking at Roy.

"Now be here for your follow up, Johnny and your PT. Now you get along with Roy there, he's a nice man." Millie winked at Roy and kissed Johnny on the cheek.

Once Johnny was settled, Roy put on his sunglasses and gave Gage a pair who refused to look at him and squinted in defiance. They cleared the parking lot and they headed towards the freeway.

"So how you're feeling Johnny?" Roy kept his eyes on the road not sure if he could pull it off.

"Roy why are you doing this, man?" Johnny frowned. "Didn't you get the message?"

"Oh, and what message would that be? That you're a good, kind guy. You care about everyone?" Roy's words fell on deaf ears.

"NO man, you got it all wrong and . . ."

"Can I talk for a minute here Johnny? Just hear me out and then I promise I won't say anything more," Roy bit his lip and waited, he gripped tighter on the steering wheel hoping his former partner would hear him out.

"All right. I'm tired, talk away," John closed his eyes and settled back into his seat.

"Well Johnny, you already know I'm not the one to ask the next question. Lord knows you never are," sighing he continued. "Anyway, after I brought you groceries after your hiking accident."

Johnny turned one eye open and a snort followed.

"Anyway as I was saying after you kicked me out I waited in the car. I was going to wait until Chet left so I could talk to you and . . ." Roy watched as Johnny sat up in his seat. "So I was sitting in my car and then I saw you leave. Well I thought I'd thought I'd follow, you know, just to make sure you were safe."

"Roy," Gage opened his eyes and realized they weren't heading towards his apartment, but let Roy continue.

"So there I was playing detective and then I see you turn into this cemetery," Roy watched as the color drained from his friend's face. "Well let me tell you I made a quick u-turn and headed right back home."

Color again returned to Johnny's face.

_God, am I doing the right thing._ "So I figured the only way I could talk to you was work with you. Who knew you would save my sorry ass, again." Johnny snorted again.

"Well then I overheard Chet talking about you not taking your Hawaiian vacation and a few other things clicked. Guess I was so wrapped up with Joanne I couldn't see the damn thing in front of me," Roy looked as Johnny was again comfortable in his seat, not realizing where they were headed.

Clearing his throat, Roy moved over to the freeway off ramp. "So I started asking around and well the guys at 51 spilled the beans and so did Phil, only there was one thing they couldn't answer. Why did you transfer? What was so bad you had to transfer? Yeah, I really needed to know that because the truth was I missed your sorry butt. I missed my best friend," Roy's voice broke and Johnny was now staring up ahead.

"God Roy don't do this man. Please," Gage begged and tried to keep it together as they took the off ramp headed to the cemetery.

"So I headed to the one place where I might find answers," Roy could see John was torn between where they were going and hearing him out.

"Anyway I checked the directory, thinking it had to be Burke, since I knew how hard his death hit you. But there weren't any Drew Burke's. I was going to leave then realized I would be taking the easy way out," Roy bit his lower lip and then licked his lips. "So I turned to the G's and found it." The car pulled up to graves and Roy put the car in park. "I think I'm going to stretch my legs." Opening the car door, the blond sat down on the bench he had found earlier. He tried hard to not look behind him.

Johnny's legs were stiff and he looked at the back of Roy who seemed to be sitting there calmly. Opening the door, Johnny got out and looked at the Porsche; whatever possessed the calm, cool man to buy this car was beyond him. He walked over to the other bench.

Roy's nervous stomach settled down as soon as Johnny sat down next to him.

"Beautiful day, don't ya think?" Roy kept his eyes straight ahead.

"For you maybe," Gage sighed, wondering why he had ended up here so many times the last year. He thought about today and the future, because the past was always painful.

"Want to tell me about it?" DeSoto's head pointed towards the gravestones.

"What's to tell?" Johnny sighed. "We moved to California when I was nine or ten. My parents died when I was thirteen and my Aunt raised me. End of story."

Roy bit his lower lip and cast a sideways glance at his former partner who could talk a blue streak and now was suddenly mute.

"You know there's more to it than that," Roy's frustration showed and wished he hadn't stopped. "Sorry Johnny it's just . . . well I found out how important family was, with Joanne sick. I found out I had friends I didn't even know I had. I mean all the guys at the station helped and then at Rampart. The party I threw was to thank them, only I forgot to ask the right person to be there," Roy sighed.

"Roy don't get mad but Dixie told me, about Joanne's cancer," Johnny wiped his hands over his face. "She knew something was wrong and she told me."

DeSoto looked forward, John had no idea who he talked to and how he hard his butt had been chewed off.

"Believe me Roy when I heard that I just . . . the next shift I asked for a transfer, you know," Johnny laughed nervously. "Some friend huh? So Cap asked me to wait a month."

"And you did," Roy added.

"Please man I only think I can do this once," Johnny pleaded.

"Sorry," Roy wanted to apologize to his friend but Johnny would have to take his own time.

"You know we lived on the reservation and well my Dad just didn't like it there. Didn't want us to end up a statistic. Man, he loved Mom . . . and me. He wanted a better life for us and ranch life wasn't for him. I was eight or nine when we moved off the rez and headed west," Johnny laughed bitterly, "headed west for what?"

Roy sat forward on the bench, his hands clasped tightly in front of him as he heard Gage get it together.

"I don't ever remember my Mom ever getting sick, you know. But I was a kid. I didn't see it or maybe they just hid it well. And Dad was the best, it didn't matter if he was tired from work he always had time to talk or play catch and Mom was great." Johnny stared out in the cemetery, noting the greenness and flowers on the graves. "She was always waiting for me after school, you know. Milk and home- made cookies, the whole bit," Gage's voice hitched.

"I came home from school one day and an ambulance and fire engine we're there. A big honking hook and ladder," Johnny snorted, remembering the fear and excitement on that day. "I dropped my lunch pail and ran like hell home and then I ran into a tree." Johnny smiled. "Well actually a fireman, he kneeled down to me and asked me my name and where I lived. All I could do was point at my house, you know.

Roy nodded. "Tiller man."

"So this man picks me up and carries me to the engine and he asks real casually if I've even seen a fire engine up close. I shake my head 'no' and the next thing I know I'm on the tiller. He's busy pointing out the controls and what they can do I don't even see them loading up my Mother." Johnny sighed and looked down at his mother's grave.

"Yeah tiller man," Johnny shook his head. "So the firemen were real nice to this scared and excited ten year old boy. Our next door neighbor, hell I don't even remember her name, she was with my Mom. She stayed with me while I waited for my Dad. I really didn't know what was going on. You know Roy to this day I have no idea what my Mother died from. I just know she died," Johnny sniffed and Roy handed him a handkerchief. "Thanks."

"Every time Mom was sick I found an ambulance at home and fire men." Johnny stared at his mother's grave. "I really can't remember if it was the same station or not. Just knew I could count on them being there."

"It got so bad my Dad sent for his sister to stay with us, with Mom in and out of the hospital and Dad working such weird hours," Johnny looked at Roy, "He wanted the best for Mom and that cost money. I found him once at the kitchen table, his eyes red and puffy and looking at bills. He hugged me so tight it hurt."

Roy still was silent knowing it took a lot to tell his story. Just thinking of losing your parents at thirteen sent chills down his back Hearing the other part made it harder and made it easier to understand why his partner had transferred.

"Mom died when I was thirteen, I don't remember much but my Aunt was still living with us since Dad was still working extra jobs to pay the medical bills. That's how it happened," Johnny wiped his hands over his tired face. "He was coming home and a drunk driver ran into him head on, they both died instantly. I don't remember either funeral, just the reception at my house after. I remember wanting to kick and scream and make them understand my parents were dead. I . . . I was angry, and my maiden aunt started to raise an angry thirteen year old."

"She did a pretty good job, I think," Roy saw how tired his friend was. "Johnny."

"That's how I met Drew, in high school; um, he lived with his cop uncle. Roy he was the only person I told about my life."

Roy opened his mouth.

"No I'm not done yet," Johnny sighed heavily and calmed down. "I knew about Joanne being sick. Don't be mad Roy, Dixie told me seeing how things were going."

_I won't be Johnny. You have no idea how many people I talked to._

"Well let me tell you the next shift I put my transfer in . . . I . . . just couldn't. I'm sorry Roy. Cap told me to wait a month and then I . . . I . . . didn't want you stuck with Brice and Phil wanted a change and . . . I'm real sorry Roy. Yeah me—I was going to become a firefighter and Drew was going to be a cop and we were going to change the world. Real funny, huh?" 

"No very honorable Johnny," Roy could see Johnny was more than tired; his face was pale and he was slumping on the bench. "Hey about we go home. You look beat." Roy stood up and helped his exhausted friend into the car. "Lean on me for awhile, 'kay since we leaned on you so much."

Gage returned a slight smile as Roy opened the car door and helped him in. Taking a blanket from the back he placed it around his friend.

"Hey what's this for?" Johnny glared at Roy.

"It's a blanket; you have no idea what I had to do to get you out of the hospital and I'll be dammed if you go back because of me, 'kay?" Roy smiled and reassured his friend.

Johnny closed his eyes and Roy wondered if he was asleep.

"Hey Johnny," DeSoto called softly.

"Yeah," Gage's tired voice answered.

"You're not a coward in my book"

'Huh?" Johnny opened his eyes half masted.

"Well let me see. First you gave up 51, your home, then you gave up Rampart but mostly you gave up your best friend," Roy could see Gage struggling.

"But Roy I . . . I abandoned you. Don't you get it," Johnny sat up again.

"Abandoned me? How did you do that? Let's see you didn't move out of state and God knows you could have. You gave us groceries and money, remembered all our birthdays, not to mention our anniversary. You helped raise enough money to pay off our medical bills and not once did I need to work OT. So tell me again how you abandoned me?" Roy smiled.

Johnny crossed his tired arms. "You're not playing fair, Pally."

Roy's smile widened. God he missed "Pally". "Damn right. You didn't play fair either, Junior."

Johnny laughed. "Well. Where exactly are you taking me Roy?"

"Home, our home, at least until you're on your feet. Besides we're repaying a long overdue debt."

Roy heard Johnny's snore and smiled.

#########

Johnny was so still on the drive home, Roy checked for his pulse and respirations, afraid he had pushed his friend to the limit. He pulled the car into the garage and shook his friend. "Johnny," Roy shook a little harder, "Johnny."

Gage opened his eyes slowly, still not sure where he was at.

"We're home!" Roy got out of the car and then helped Johnny out. Gage seemed a bit wobbly as he helped his guest to his room, removed his shoes and covered him up with a blanket.

Roy joined his wife in the kitchen, turned her around and hugged her.

"How's our guest?" She looked at him expectantly.

"Exhausted. Johnny told me a lot of things, things which explain a lot. We just have to convince him he's not a coward and that he's family."

"Oh just that?" Joanne laughed. "Johnny can be pretty stubborn."

#########

Johnny woke up to the guest room of the DeSoto's. Sitting up made his whole body ache, feeling like he had run up ten flights of stairs with all his gear on. Then he remembered the painful and heartfelt discussion at the cemetery, and yet he was still at the DeSoto's. His stomach grumbling, he smelled food and headed towards the kitchen. The table was set and Gage saw it was five o'clock.

"Hey Johnny," Roy helped his friend to a seat at the table. The children waved and smiled.

Joanne placed dinner on the table and Johnny had three helpings and then two of dessert. For his first night his favorite foods had been made and he was now officially exhausted.

"You doing okay Johnny?" Roy helped the injured man up from the chair.

"Sure could use a shower; boy do I stink," Johnny gave a small grin.

"C'mon, Joanne washed all your clothes and we have some others."

"Carl?" Johnny looked into Roy's eyes.

"Yes Carl, since he was the only one with a key. Do you need any help? I know I . . ."

"I can manage Roy, besides knowing you, you'll be close."

Johnny enjoyed his hot shower, with no poking and prodding afterward. A nice large towel and his toiletries were waiting for him. He shaved, brushed his teeth and put on his nice clean pajamas. Stepping out of the steamy bathroom he found Roy waiting.

"Hey Roy I think I can get there by myself," Johnny winced but glad Roy didn't believe him and gently took an arm.

Once in his room, Gage found his meds, pitcher of water, a glass and books waiting for him. He also found a remote for a TV at the foot of his bed and extra blankets.

A cool breeze wafted into the room and he saw the bedroom window open. He yawned a few times and was asleep in a few minutes.

#########

Roy had taken a few days off to get his friend situated and now he had to go back to work.

"Look Roy, you can take me home now. I don't want to be a bother to Joanne while you're working. Not like I haven't done it before," Johnny's hand was splayed across his chest.

"Well that's just plain wrong, you should have never done it alone in the first place you should have told me," Roy felt crushed. "We're friends Johnny—at least I hope were friends."

#########

"Good morning Johnny," Joanne placed his breakfast at the table.

"Morning Joanne, sure smells good," Gage dug into his breakfast as Joanne drank her coffee.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out to lunch today?" Joanne grinned forcing Johnny to not say no.

"Sure I'll admit I'm getting cabin fever, but Joanne I don't want to be any trouble. Besides I should be out of your hair next week. The doc says I'll be strong enough to take care of myself." Johnny said proudly, tired of being a burden on his friends.

"Well why don't you take it easy and let's say we leave around 11:30?" Joanne picked up Johnny's dishes and headed into the kitchen.

Johnny stood up and went to the patio to rest and read a new book Roy had given him. It wasn't long before his eyelids closed and he was sleeping again. Joanne checked on him, knowing he had been trying to leave.

A soft gentle tug made Gage open his eyes. His brown eyes stared up at his host.

"Joanne? Must have nodded off," Johnny said sheepishly as he slid off the lounge chair.

"Well we need to head out for lunch, if you're up to it?" Joanne looked at her tired guest.

"Course I'm up to it," Johnny splayed his hand across his chest. "Can't say 'no' to a pretty lady."

Joanne blushed. They made their way out to the car. Joanne slid in the driver's seat and Johnny in the passenger side. She was full of indecision as she drove to lunch. Johnny didn't look good; maybe they had pushed him too hard.

Zoning out, Johnny really didn't pay attention until certain landmarks popped out at him.

"Uh, Joanne, where are we going?" Johnny looked at the familiar surroundings.

"Lunch of course," Joanne smiled as they neared their destination.

Before Gage knew they pulled up in front of the station; Roy was already waiting on the curb.

"Hi honey," Roy waved as he opened the station wagon for Johnny.

"Um, Roy, um do you think this is a good idea?" the injured man thought of all his friends at the station or should he say former friends, remembering how he'd blown them off.

"Johnny it's okay really, c'mon now," Roy offered his hand, which Gage took and Roy started to smile again. "See you in about an hour, babe." Roy waved as his wife pulled away from the curb and into traffic.

Roy watched as Johnny glumly followed behind him, "Mike made fried chicken," he volunteered.

"Man, I really miss Mike's chicken," Johnny grinned as they made their way into the station.

Johnny found all the guys waiting for him the heavenly scent of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and rolls. His stomach growled loudly and everyone laughed.

Phil talked to him about coming over once Gage was home. He could see how torn his friend was at leaving, but family was everything.

Lunch went smoothly, talking laughing and joking just another shift at 51. Johnny smiled and realized he had missed this, the guys and his friends. Each gave him a man hug and he felt at home. He was confused what to do next as the hour was up and immediately tones sounded for the station. Gage had wished he was going with them.

#########

It was late and Roy and Joanne looked at their friend.

"Really guys you can take me home now," Johnny argued. "I think I've been a burden to you long enough."

"A burden? Johnny you were never a burden," Roy held his wife's hand. "If it weren't for you . . . I can't even begin to imagine."

Johnny blushed. "But money was all I had to give Roy. I . . . I couldn't do anything else. Don't you understand you guys don't owe me a damn thing."

"Nonsense, John Gage," Joanne was angry, using her best mother's voice. "You've always been a member of this family whether you know it or not. Roy and you were partners, still partners in my mind. I don't know if Roy told but . . . Johnny we missed you and we want you back in our family where you belong. We are here for you, just as you were here for us. We won't take no for an answer," Joanne took Johnny's hand. "Please reconsider. Things will look better when you're stronger. You'll see. We just couldn't have done it without you."

Johnny yawned and his eyes pooled with tears, he tried wiping them away but Roy thrust a tissue at him.

"Guys, guys . . . I'll think about it, but I want to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed. You can understand that, can't you?" Johnny tried to work his charm on his friends.

"Yeah Johnny we understand but if you don't call we'll be awfully mad," Roy helped Johnny up. Joanne kissed him on his cheeks. "Don't make yourself a stranger Johnny, or you'll force me to come after you."

Johnny held up his hands in mock surrender. "Promise Joanne. That's one promise I can keep. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Johnny."

"Hey Roy I can make it my room myself, your wife needs your serious attention," Johnny winked and left the couple in a tight embrace.

#########

Johnny was just sitting down to breakfast when there was a knock at his door, opening up he found a contrite Phil Nolan standing there.

"Come in," Johnny offered, "Sit down; I was just getting some breakfast."

"I'll have coffee," Phil smiled and sat down glad to see toast, eggs and sausage, milk and juice for his friend.

"Go ahead," Phil spread his hand over Johnny's plate.

As Gage ate Phil sighed.

"Look Johnny I'll get right to the point. The house is sold and we're moving back to Frisco, which means theirs an opening at 51. You know you belong there, and 43 knows you belong there. So do yourself a favor and transfer; you and DeSoto belong together."

#########

Roy quickly dressed in the locker room and headed out to the bay. He was getting a new partner today. Nolan had moved, Gage was still on the mend as far as he knew and he was getting stuck with another partner. He really didn't want a reputation as difficult person. The paramedic thought he could work with anyone until he met Brice, but he could do it. The good thing was Johnny was speaking to him again and hopefully their friendship would be renewed.

Johnny had been feeling better since he had shown up for the "Gone but not forgotten" goodbye party for the Nolan's. Gage had stayed a few hours then left. Over the next few weeks Roy had tried to convince Johnny to come back home to 51s where he belonged, but he couldn't blame him for moving on. At least they were friends again and it was a start, the rest would come later.

Small steps had become Roy's mantra. Small steps.

Out in the bay he found the rest of his shift mates, except for the cap and his new partner. Roy glanced nervously at the closed door. Today he was getting his new permanent partner; God he hated that. Johnny was on the mend and Phil had moved and now he was stuck again with a new partner.

Leaning against Big Red the paramedic tried not to let it get to him. Roy had his hands stuck in his pockets. He looked at the three stooges with evil grins on their faces.

"Well today's the big day huh?" Chet said mischievously. "You get a new partner."

"Don't remind me Chet," Roy glared at the Phantom.

"Ah come on Roy, you know it's a new adventure. Hey, maybe you'll get Brice as a partner," Kelly toyed with his mustache. "The perfect paramedic."

"The perfect paramedic," Roy mumbled and leaned against the engine. He had enough of the perfect paramedic.

"Hey I know . . . maybe it will be Bellingham," Marco gave a wicked grin.

"Bellingham?" Roy now slumped against Big Red. The biggest slob in the department. At least Brice, Nolan and Gage were squad trained.

"I know," Mike stood up. "How about a freshly minted paramedic. Roy can show him how it's done."

"Newly minted paramedic?" Roy leaned further on the engine. _What I want is Johnny back. _But he hadn't heard from him since he was well enough to go to his apartment. He stood up and sighed. "You know with friends like you who needs enemies."

"C'mon Roy it's just your partner. Someone you have to share your squad with for 24 hours."

"For every single shift and who'll have to watch your back."

"Just a guy whose very life will depend on yours too."

Stanley's door opened and the bay became still.

_All right I'll just have to live with it, get through it._

"Guys, I'd like to introduce you to Roy's new partner."

DeSoto sighed loud and heavily.

"John Gage."

Johnny stepped in front of Hank and grinned. "Hey Roy." The dark haired paramedic started walking to Roy only he was stopped as Roy met him and started shaking his hand briskly and hard.

"Man am I glad to see you," Roy had a big grin on his face and quickly hugged Gage.

"Hey Roy, will you cut it out," Johnny blushed.

"Sorry Johnny it's just . . ." then he looked at his Captain and crew mates. "You guys knew all the time didn't you? Where's you car Johnny?"

"Um, well Chet gave me a ride in and . . ."

"Well you're coming over after shift and then I'll take you home," Roy stated with finality and glared at Chet. "Believe me I think I owe the Phantom a pay back."

"Hey Roy, now wait a minute," Chet protested, "It just wasn't me, in fact it was Cap's idea."

"Kelly are you sure you don't want latrine duty for the rest of your life?" Stanley warned.

"Hey Cap I'm just telling like it is and . . ."

Johnny started laughing, long and hard.

"What's so damn funny?" Chet threw an annoyed look at his favorite pigeon.

"Oh I'm just glad to be home is all and see that things . . ."

Tones sounded and the squad was off to its first call of the day.

"Ready Junior," Roy smiled as they climbed in the cab.

"Ready Pally," Johnny grinned back as the sirens wailed and they headed out of the barn.

Roy finally cornered the phantom in the dorm and wouldn't let him leave.

"All right Chet where is Johnny's car?" Roy gave his dirtiest dad look he could muster.

"Well, um, you see Johnny's been nursing his transmission when all this started," Chet said sheepishly.

"And it finally gave out and Johnny doesn't have the money to fix it, right?" Roy quickly put the pieces together. "Where is his car Chet?" Roy again glared at the weak-kneed phantom.

"C'mon Roy if I told you Johnny would kill me and . . ."

"I'll put you back together, now give," Roy demanded knowing it was going to be one of the small gestures to pay back his friend.

Sighing heavily Chet gave in hoping Johnny wouldn't kill him and Roy wouldn't have to put him back together.

**EPILOGUE**

The phone rang as Roy put more beer in the refrigerator.

"DeSoto residence," he answered.

"Hey Roy," Johnny's pained voice replied.

"What's up?" Roy grinned, knowing fully well what was up.

"I'm runnin a little late is all and . . ."

"Don't worry about it Johnny, the burgers can wait. Oh, and park in the driveway will ya?"

"Um, yeah sure. See ya in a bit," the phone clicked and Roy put it down.

"Johnny?" Joanne wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yes he's running late," Roy winked.

"Of course he is after what happened last night. You guys are terrible!" Joanne punched her husband in the back.

"Hey it was for his birthday Joanne," Roy opened his hands.

"Yes and you'd better hope he doesn't run screaming from our place when he walks in too," Joanne kissed Roy hard and swatted his bottom.

"Daddy," Jessica came up looking beautiful in her matching muumuu, "When is Uncle Johnny coming?"

Kneeling down he looked into her blue eyes, "Uncle Johnny is on his way. Now remember what you're supposed to do?"

"Yes Daddy, the lei is in the fridge and I'm supposed to get it when he gets here. I glad he transferred back," Jessica smiled.

"I'm glad too honey. Now your Mom and I will make sure you'll have plenty of time to get the lei. He's on his way so you might want to stay close, 'kay?" Roy smiled.

"Yes Daddy. I'll stay here and wait for him." Jessica smiled, waiting for her favorite uncle.

Roy heard Johnny's Rover and waited for the knock on the door. He opened it to see his tired partner.

"Hey Roy," John blinked a few times, "new look for you there Roy?" He blinked again at the loud Hawaiian shirt.

"Jessica honey," Roy said quietly as his daughter disappeared into the kitchen.

"Happy birthday Johnny," Joanne came out with a matching muumuu and kissed Johnny on the cheeks.

Gage looked at them both. "You didn't tell me it was a theme party Roy," John's irritation was clearly in his voice.

"You're the birthday boy Johnny. I guess it slipped my mind," Roy smiled. _You won't believe what I have lined up for you, Junior._

"But…I'm under dressed pally. Oh and somebody must be having some party," Johnny pointed outside. "Glad you told me to park in the driveway. I'm not blocking anything am I?"

"Johnny will you relax? I said it was okay to park there," Roy grunted.

"Sorry it's just . . ." Johnny shrugged.

"Uncle Johnny," Jessica called

"Hey honey what's up?" John saw the lei in Jessica's hand.

"Could you please kneel down?" She smiled sweetly, melting his heart like always.

Johnny complied to have the sweet smelling lei placed around his neck.

"Aloha and Hau'oli lā hānau Uncle Johnny," Jessica kissed both cheeks and laughed.

"Thank you honey," Johnny took the lei to his nose and inhaled deeply, lost in the trip he wasn't able to make but was busy saving up now for. Opening his eyes he noticed Roy, Joanne and Jessica were wearing plastic leis.

"Thirsty?" Roy asked casually.

Johnny nodded.

"The coolers on the side yard, I have a few more things to do and I'll meet you outside. Oh and you might want to go through the garage," Joanne nudged him in the side. "It's easier."

Johnny nodded blindly and headed back towards the garage.

"You're incorrigible Roy DeSoto," Joanne fumed.

"Believe me Joanne its better this way. Better to introduce Johnny easy to the party, otherwise he'd bolt. Trust me," DeSoto kissed his wife.

Johnny whistled as he found the coolers, three to be exact. On the third try he found beer and a friend.

"Happy birthday Johnny," Phil's voice called and Johnny stood up opened mouth.

"Let me get that for ya," Nolan took the church key, opened the bottle and gave it to Gage. He also had a plastic lei and Hawaiian shirt on.

"Phil? PHIL NOLAN? What the . . . how did you get here?" Johnny still hadn't taken a drink of his cold beer.

"Well they let us cross the border every once in a while Johnny," Phil smiled.

"Ha! HA! Very funny." Johnny finally took a long drink of his beer.

"Yeah everyone was worried when the birthday boy would show up."

It took all of Gage's control to not spit out his beer or choke on it going down.

"Birthday boy? C'mon Phil what's this all about?"

Phil gently led him out to the backyard, to find it decorated with Chinese lanterns, Hawaiian music in the background along with about seventy five people, at least from what he could count. Before he knew Johnny was surrounded by friends and people from the past.

"Yeah Johnny was always cutting it close," a loud familiar voice laughed.

"JOnesy?" Johnny gulped hard and looked at the large, burly paramedic.

"Course it's me Johnny boy, didn't think I'd miss the birthday of the guy who turned me on to be a paramedic didya?" The man had a broad smile and playful wink at him.

"But . . . I . . . no one . . ."

"Relax, Johnny," Jonesy patted his back. "There are just about five of us here. As to the other guys they just don't count in my book since the word got out!" 

"Word! Will you excuse me for a moment," Johnny found his friend at the barbecue as he lit the coals.

"Hey Johnny, enjoying your party?" Roy grinned but could see the tenseness in his friend's eyes.

"We have to talk Roy," Johnny was all serious and for some reason Roy was scared.

"Sure Johnny," Roy laughed, "it will be awhile for the coals to be ready and . . ."

"Privately, Roy," Johnny crossed his arms, stopping any further conversation.

"Um let's go inside the house I have to get some things out of the kitchen," his partner followed him mutely into the house.

Johnny his lips pursed, his arms crossed stared daggers at his friend.

"What is this all about?" Gage's arm swept to the backyard.

"It's a birthday party," Roy smiled and hoped to defuse a now growing rant and rave.

"Yeah, well," Gage stammered. "Not like the usual parties we have for my birthday!"

"Um, about that, you see it was my fault . . ." Roy tried to explain hoping Johnny wouldn't punch him out after he told him.

"Of course it's your fault Roy. Sheesh, I just wanted a small party. I have half a mind to leave you know." Johnny stuck his hands in his jeans pockets. "You know I don't do real well with big parties."

"Please Johnny don't. There is a lot of people who love and care for you out there. You see I'd let it slip to Dixie about your party and one thing lead to another and there you are . . ." Roy crossed his fingers behind his back and told his little white lie with all the sincerity he could muster.

"All right, but how did you get Jonesy here?" Johnny jaws clenched. "You see Roy no one was supposed to know about that."

Roy walked over and put a hand on the birthday boy's shoulder. "Well Phil told me about his guardian angel and like I said before word got out and the guys insisted they come to the party. Why don't you get something to eat, Johnny you'll feel a lot better."

Johnny shrugged and knew his best friend only wanted the best for him, beside he couldn't stay mad forever.

"All right Roy. I get something to eat and since all these people made the effort I'll try to have a good time, 'kay," Johnny grinned.

"Kay, now get out there already," Roy shooed his guest away and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Roy DeSoto," Joanne's voice broke his mood. "You're lucky, real lucky, if Johnny ever finds out . . ."

"Honey, he'll never find out besides we even haven't come to the good part yet," Roy grinned and slapped his wife on the fanny. "Hamburgers are calling."

Before long a full plate of appetizers was thrust at Gage as he was surrounded by his paramedic recruits.

"Ole Johnny boy was born to be a paramedic," Jonesy patted hard on Johnny's back; make him choke a little on his food.

The rest of 51's crew hung around the perimeter surprised at Gage's little secret.

"You know Marco it's a good thing there all these doctors and paramedic's around," Chet's evil mind whirred.

"And why is that?" Marco, his long suffering friend asked.

"Well I figured it was either going to be Roy or Johnny who needed one. Roy because Johnny was going to beat the hell out of him or Johnny cause he was going to pass out."

Marco ribbed his friend really hard. "Listen Chet you keep up talk like that and you're going to need a paramedic, amigo."

"Sheesh," Chet lamented, "doesn't anyone around here have a sense of humor?"

"Yes we do," Stanley looked at his errant lineman, "and now is not the time."

"Sure Cap I understand, if you'll excuse me there's a beer calling my name," Chet walked off, his shoulders slumped.

"Thanks Cap," Marco smiled. "I was afraid Chet would ruin it for everyone."

"Well the twit just doesn't know when to quit," Stanley returned to listening to Jonesy story as Johnny turned ten more shades of red.

#########

Chris and Jessica took Johnny's hand and lead him to a chair in the middle of the backyard. There was a few hours of sunlight left and they were getting anxious.

"Kids whats up?" Johnny sat down compliantly as a few beers, a couple hamburgers, good company and happy times made him. For the last few hours he was treated like a king, his plate was never empty and he always had a beer in his hand. The DeSoto's sat next to him as the others crowded into picnic tables around him. Gage was in heaven, or what he thought a Hawaiian paradise might be. But as he kept reminding himself, he decided to forgo his Hawaiian vacation for his friends, and it was only money and he would be going in a year or two, he hoped. Slapping on a happy face, grinning and joking he tried not to think about it, much.

"Comfortable Uncle Johnny?" Jessica asked as John nodded.

"You have a good view there partner," Roy said behind him.

"Um, yeah Roy and . . ." the next thing Johnny heard was drums, very loud drums and yelling and fire!

Johnny was surrounding by six scantily clad women who smelled of coconut and plumeria as they draped him with more leis. He was pushed slowly down by Joanne and Roy.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the Hawaiian host began, dressed in grass skirt, his large biceps bulged but his gentle smile relaxed everyone. "In my culture, we have heroes and today we are honoring one, John Gage."

The guests clapped widely.

"We hope to give John Gage a little taste of aloha and ohana of the islands. Because as in the islands we have calabash. Calabash is our family, not blood related, but just as good as or better than your blood relations." 

The audience was silent as they looked at Johnny, who again blushed ten more shades of red.

"But the good thing about your calabash is you get to pick them out and we feel, John Gage has done well. Now on with the show," the MC clapped and the show started.

Dancers came on the wooden stage and started dancing to the drums and music. Johnny watched with rapt attention to the women dancer's hips and hands while the large Hawaiian men circled them. Everyone clapped wildly over the first number and the Hawaiian show continued for the next half hours. Gage didn't speak a word and thought his birthday couldn't get any better. Since he couldn't go to the islands his partner had been kind enough to bring them to him. Roy DeSoto was the best friend he ever had and he had almost lost him due to stupid pride.

Before they knew it the floor show was over with and the women dancers placed special kisses for the birthday boy along with a few telephone numbers. Johnny thought his party was over until he turned around to see a table loaded with gifts and another table with a full sheet birthday cake, all ready loaded with candles.

"C'mon Uncle Johnny," Chris pulled at him, "take your chair. Now the good part starts cake and ice cream."

Johnny's jaw dropped open at he amount of gifts, never in his life had he seen so many gifts, the table groaned under the weight yet no one seemed to notice.

"Your gonna catch some flies there Gage," Chet laughed and winked at Marco. "What'd I tell ya, Gage is gonna need a doc or paramedic."

"You'll be surprised Chet, John is an awful strong man, has to be being a paramedic," Marco defended John and watched as Gage headed to the cake.

"Make a wish, Uncle Johnny," Jessica held tightly to her favorite uncle's hand.

"Honey I think I all ready got my wish," Johnny whispered and waited until everyone finished singing to him. He blew out the candles and heard the load roar of clapping. He sat down and started unwrapping presents.

"Johnny I'll keep a list," Dixie smiled at her favorite paramedic.

"Thanks Dixie I appreciate it—heck I appreciate everything so far," Johnny grinned and he heard rippled laughter in the background.

It took Johnny a good hour to get through all his presents; he found a general theme to go with the party. He got Hawaiian shirts, beach towels, snorkeling gear, swim trunks among others with a few fire department and more useful gifts thrown in. Plastering a smile on his face, he felt sad he hadn't made it to Hawaii; he knew he was being petty, but why did they have to throw him a Hawaiian themed birthday party. Once finished, Johnny stood up and opened his mouth.

"Oh we forgot one gift," Roy disappeared and returned in a minute, in his hands was a brand new surfboard with a large red bow attached. Johnny's jaw dropped once more.

"Roy . . . Roy . . ."

Everyone laughed until they saw Chris and Jessica with a very large card. Gage had never received a huge novelty card before.

Opening it up, there was a very personal note from Roy, thanking him for all he had done for his family, sniffing Johnny hid behind the card.

"Thanks guys," Gage was suddenly in a group hug with the DeSoto's.

Stepping away, Roy pulled an envelope out of his pocket. "I forgot this, Johnny. Go ahead, open it up," Roy was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Still blushing Johnny opened the envelope, to his utter delight it as an all expense paid trip to Hawaii.

"Roy! Joanne! It's just incredible, incredible. But . . . I mean . . . it's too much," dollar signs flashed in Gage's head.

"I'll tell you a little secret," Joanne whispered in Johnny's ear. "You know those radio stations and TV stations that came to the pancake breakfast?"

Gage nodded.

"Well they gave us a couple of trips and it's all right with them," Joanne kissed Johnny's cheek. "Kay?"

Johnny nodded.

"So happy birthday partner!" Roy patted Johnny on the back.

"Thanks partner!" Gage smiled and joined the rest of the party.

#########

Slowly the party was breaking up and the birthday boy found himself on the lounger feeling no pain. After opening the presents, he couldn't refuse the drinks offered to him. Stories flew like wildfires about Johnny and the truth got out about the men he had recruited for the paramedic program.

Waving good bye to the last departing guests, Johnny looked up at the night sky with a permanent grin on his face.

"Thanks again and Aloha," Johnny called. "_Tiny bubbles(tiny bubbles)_

_In the wine (in the wine)_

_Make me happy (make me happy)_

_Make me feel fine (make me feel fine)_

_Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)_

_Make me warm all over_

_With a feeling that I'm gonna_

_Love you till the end of time_

_Pearly shells.__ Pearly Shells (pearly shells)_

_From the ocean (from the ocean)_

_Shining in the sun (shining in the sun)_

_Covering the shore (covering the shore)_

_When I see them (when I see them)_

_My heart tells me that I love you_

_More than all the little pearly shells_

_More than all those little pearly shells_

_For every grain of sand upon the beach_

_I've got a kiss for you_

_And I've got more left over_

_For each star that twinkles in the blue_

Little grass shack in Hawaii." Gage hummed.

"You're funny Uncle Johnny," Jessica looked at her favorite uncle. "Was this the bestest birthday party ever!" She laughed.

"You too honey. This was the bestest birthday party, ever!" Johnny's arm shot up.

"All right partner time for bed," Roy leaned over his drunken friend.

"Yeah, Roy I'm gonna sleep right here. Under the stars!" Johnny giggled.

"Yeah Dad, Uncle Johnny's right it's too hot too sleep inside," Chris grinned and looked at his father.

"You're incorrigible Johnny," Joanne shook her head.

"Hey it's my job!" Johnny laughed.

"All right kids. Get your sleeping bags and pillows you can sleep outside with Johnny," Roy gave in seeing as it was his friend's birthday.

"YEAH!" Both kids screamed.

"Shssh, you'll wake the neighbors," Joanne guided the children to their rooms to get the bags and pillows.

"I'll be right back," Roy disappeared to get Gage a pillow and blanket too.

Gage continued to stare at the stars and hummed Hawaiian music. Before long, Roy tucked a pillow under his head and a blanket over him.

"Hey what are you doing?" Johnny wasn't sure what had just happened.

"Making sure you don't get sick. Besides we have big day tomorrow," Roy explained.

"Big day. I thought today was a big day," Johnny laughed at his own joke.

"No, tomorrow we're going to the beach with the Nolan's. It looks like we won't have to swing by your place after all, seems you got the beach covered." Roy thought it would take three cars to deliver all of Gage's presents.

"Beach with the Nolan's? Hey, they have their own beach in Frisco, you know," Gage's weird logic kicked in.

"Yes I know Johnny but this is to make up for the last beach party," Roy explained to his drunken partner.

"What party? Did I miss another party Roy?" Johnny was confused. "I mean isn't one birthday party enough?"

"No Johnny it isn't," Roy patted his partner on the shoulder. "Go to sleep."

Johnny nodded and his eyes closed.

Goodnight kids," Joanne and Roy kissed their children. "Well leave the door unlocked and the bathroom light on."

"Night Mom and Dad," the children chorused along with a familiar male voice.

Joanne and Roy started kissing, with the screen door of the slider still open.

"All right you guys," Johnny sang, "get a room why don't ya."

"Yeah get a room," the children mirrored him.

"Good night," Roy and Joanne said again and headed towards their room.

Climbing up the stairs, Roy stopped and took both of his wife's hands.

"I love you so much Joanne. I don't know what I'd of done if I lost you and I have Johnny to thank for that. He made sure I spent every precious moment with you and took care of us," Roy gave a soft, sensuous kiss.

"Well Roy I thought for sure Johnny would leave. I mean, did you see his eyes?" Joanne looked at her husband.

"Joanne I'm trying to be romantic and you're talking about Johnny?" Roy said in mild shock and laughed. "Well if he thinks his birthday is bestest wait until Christmas."

Joanne nodded, Roy took her arms and legs, carried her up the stairs and into their bedroom.

"I love you Joanne," Roy again kissed his wife and laid her on bed.

"I love you Roy," she returned the kiss and gently laid her husband next to her. "Johnny did say get a room."

"Yes he did and Johnny's right," Roy giggled as he turned out the lights.

THE END

**I want to thank everyone who stuck with my story. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea and appreciate all the comments I've gotten. I will try and work on my older stories as time and moods permit. Thanks again and remember 'There's no crying in baseball."**


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